Im trying to decide if Im ready to tell my therapist. I did not originally see him about being a girl, it was about something else completely unrelated. I found out awhile back he used to do therapy to transgender people. The one thing is Ive kind of taken care of everything relating to me being a girl and It's difficult to talk about it. Only people who I talked about to was a few people who I had to say something to at my job. Other than, no one else basically.

It's not a lack of acceptance but someone possibly being like oh take this or that step and Ive kind of for 5 or so years taken things as I want to since figuring out who I am. It's also just not an easy subject for me to talk about. I do however know I have my days where I have the dysphoria bother me even though Ive done things to lesson it.

I want others to see Larisa, I know Im a girl and accept it ofcourse and want to live as her not just mentally but physically to. I think mostly like a girl and often act like a girl many places yet no one notices cause they see a boy with a boy voice which really is not as boyish as may seem. Anyone have a fear of telling their secret this badly?

The first time I tried to transition (a decade ago) I had a fear of telling certain people.  Doctors, parents, and other family.  I came out privately to a few people I dated, and the bad reaction I got made me feel less inclined to tell.  At this point, I am 100% ok with telling everyone.  It's not always a topic I feel like discussing with people who are misgendering me.

I understand what you mean about your voice.  When I hear myself talk, I hear a female voice.  It's not as pretty and enchanting as I'd like it to be, but it definitely doesn't sound masculine to me.  Somehow, I get misgendered on the phone often.

Of course you think like a girl, because you are one.

I did, initially forced myself to tell the therapist, then she gave me the number for the endocrinologist, so I had to tell them, then I had to tell the receptionist for my general practitioner because the endocrinologist wants records to even make an appointment... Basically it gets a little easier each time, at some point I had a little epiphany that no one cares what I do, and now the only reason I don't tell is to avoid problems at work. Still a little scared to shave the beard I've been hiding behind though.

I highly recommend telling the therapist at least.

The therapist, and doctors at least won't judge you, it's in their job description to keep it private as well.

Hi Larisa,

You already know you're a girl.
You are correct in realizing you don't need anyone telling you what steps to take next.
You will tell others about your real self when you are ready. Thank you for telling us here on the forum, I hope to meet you again.

Hugs
Steph.

I wanted to tell someone today, not my therapist but someone I work with. I got very close to talking about it but couldnt. It's like in my mind how do I tell anyone. "Hey Im a girl and the boy you see is not me.". It doesnt work like saying that. Im a girl but what would others say. Can I really expect them to giving up knowing someone they have known all this time and not Larisa who they dont know.

Really I just wish I could turn my body female and be Larisa completely and they could have the guy they know here as well but that's not possible. Sometimes I wonder if taking the guy they know away and being me the girl I know is selfish of me. Just so much to think of but what I def know is Im a girl, my name is Larisa and I think like a girl and I accept me. I wouldnt want to be anyone else. Why I couldnt be born with a female body is what I dont get. Im not depressed but just thinking. Ive already transitioned a bit without anyone realizing and so I am a bit more happier.

I finally figured out the mystery of who am years and years back and that felt great but it sucks that I can't just be me like that. Maybe telling my therapist would give me better ideas on how to deal with what to do.

You have to start somewhere and telling your therapist is one of the best places to start. I think you should have told your therapist a long time ago as being transgender is a piece of the puzzle your therapist has been missing for a long time. You may need another therapist if yours is unable to deal with this but it will start you down the path.

Being selfish isn't always a bad thing. There are times when being selfish now will improve the future for more than just you. For instance, a great hunter eating more in a survival situation than others in the group so that he has the energy to catch the next meal.
How that relates here is a little long winded, basically the theory is you'll be more fun if you can be yourself, and everyone around you will reap the benefit later from you being selfish now, wether or not those are the same people is up to them, unfortunately.