I end up worrying, with some justification, that other trans people think that I'm not trans or trans enough.  I know at least two genderqueer people who have questioned my own gender, making me feel like I'm criticized by others in the trans community since I don't often dress and present as female (I've been in at least the L.A. and Sacramento transgender communities).  Am I not part of the transgender community if I happen to have a complicated gender profile?  I want to be female and can feel female at times but I have little control over my gender, and effectively am gender fluid.  At times I can't help but feel male and masculine, and the majority of the time I feel in between.  I feel like trans people see me as an anomaly, or even question me being transgender.   Well, I'm not exactly reaping the benefits of being cisgender (other than daily casual interactions), I am sexually more female so I haven't really had a romantic partner other than two short flings (where I failed to "perform" sexually with women), I almost solidly desire to have sex with a vagina, I don't have any real cisgender friends, and I've been too uncomfortable to make significant networks in the cisgender world.  The only way I've been able to make money is alone and without contact with people directly.  I feel too often like there is not room in the transgender community that isn't anything less than fully or mostly one gender (at least among transwomen) and the media's depiction of transpeople also makes cisgender people only recognize such trans people as real trans people.  Is this a matter of me being unfortunate enough to not fit in anywhere?

Sweetie, you are you, and I am me.
Your journey is your own, as is mine.
I've not started transition because of a thousand reasons, the most important being that right now I don't absolutely, desperately NEED to - but who knows how I'll be after dysphoria has its wicked way with me next round.

I am non-binary, and yes that means a challenge in the day-2-day management of my expression, but I am trans, because the results of my experiences and my feelings only make sense in that context, and the mistakes I make daily are male fail - I cannot do mannish well enough - and girlish is so much easier.

In the end I know my truth - I am trans. I am certain in my thinking. That alone is qualification enough (and 13 months of gender questions later...).. and my clothing expression is that of one who would rather hide - that's my agender side coming out to play.

You knowing truths like these about yourself, as a result of your ongoing journey is qualification enough.

I'd probably be challenged in those groups in the same way, but rest assured, you're most welcome here.

Rowan

Yes, there is a strong gender binary prejudice in the transgender and cisgender world.

Thankfully, nonbinary groups are becoming more visible, and even gaining legal status.

I am currently content to call myself a nonbinary partial transmale, but I also qualify to be called androgynous, gender fluid, gender queer, agender etc.

The stubborn clinging to the two (US Christian) gender boxes is frustrating, since many other countries and cultures see gender more as a sliding scale.
Sexual orientation as well.
Luckily, surveys show that 50% of millennials believe gender is a spectrum.

Poll Reveals Shift In Support Of Gender As A Spectrum With Unconventional Categories http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/05/fusion-millennial-poll-gender_n_6624200.html?ncid=engmodushpmg00000004

Hello Katelyn,
I consider myself non-binary/genderfluid(Agender-inbetween-female),  and transexual.
I was in your shoes once kinda.   But it look me a my whole life time to figure out who I was, well technically one year when I admitted to my self I was trans.
Growing up I always had the desire to transition from mtf. But some days I always got worry I wasn't trans enough to​ be a women. 
For me I used this forum to help me find who I am 80% of the time.  The other 20% I go to non binary facebook groups.  So yeah I bounce between transgender pages,  and non binary pages.
Anyways I know I always wanted to transition so I started hormones,  and after a few months I said yeah this is who I truly am,  but other days I don't feel like any gender. My goal is to transition just enough  to pass as a female.  So when there are days I feel bleh I still won't mind being viewed as a female,  I would just wear more gender neutral clothing.   
So once I found out who I was,  I came out to my family, friends, coworkers,  because I knew who I was,  and it only made me easier to be myself.

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

People tell me its gonna be difficult balancing in between,  I told them I know,  but its how I feel.
But im sure once you find out what works for you,  you will be who you truly are

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

I'm a little sad that the last post was just deleted. It said everything that needed to be said, imo. But, ƪ(‾ε‾")ʃ

I feel the same, sometimes, Katelyn. I've been told by cis women that I could never really be a woman, that I don't "think like a woman" (whatever that means), and that I'll be an ugly woman. Cis women are mean to each other, too, with a lot of judgment, but they stick together for the important things in life. Humans can be terrible people, at times, so I know it's difficult to get around the nasty things people say. I just figure that if people didn't like me before transition, they're not going to like me after, so I don't care. I also figure that if someone liked me before, but stops liking me after, they weren't really people I wanted in my life. Lastly, if the person who liked me before, and still liked me after, but insists on using my trans-ness against me for any reason, they aren't really who I want in my life, either. You just need to find people with whom you resonate, who accept you for who you are. It's the only thing I can suggest. If you know who you are, F what anybody else says. They don't define you. Don't let other people confine you within their perceptions of you.

Lastly, Will Smith recently said something about fear: "Bliss is on the other side of fear."

Also:

Thankfully, nonbinary media exposure is helping shift public perceptions.

For instance,  Jaden Smith models female clothing and champions gender fluidity.
Jaden Smith as gender fluid icon http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/jaden-smith-will-smith-gender-fluid-louis-vuitton-a6802366.html

Quote from: SiobhánF on April 20, 2017, 11:23:26 AM
I'm a little sad that the last post was just deleted. It said everything that needed to be said, imo.

Yeah, sorry about that, I just figured it would only end up getting deleted anyway so what's the point in leaving it up? I am really glad that it rang through to you and it means a lot that my effort was appreciated and that my words have meaning to somebody. Hopefully the OP also got some benefit from it too before I took it down. I saved it so I might post it again.

I thought it was spot on. To be honest, I think it would've been fine, but I'm one who would take it being deleted as a sign that people aren't ready to hear or confront the truth. But, that's just me. (◔_◔)

I often talk about the binary gender roles we have in society amongst my friends.

We often dream about a society where gender expression was a non issue. Where people can just exist and be who they are. I think we still have a habit (as humans) to create in groups and out groups. I can see people being threatened by their perceived group identity and thus their personal identity by non conforming individuals that don't fit into the label or description of said group.

Unfortunately even in minority and underrepresented groups we still fall into the same types of group trappings.  Even in these groups people can be threatened that the membership exclusivity is being threatened as are ideas, values, needs, and image perception by society at large.

If you look at the TERF's within the feminist label they perceive trans women as a clear threat to the core identity and end goals of the feminist community and movement.

It would be wonderful if we could associate and identify based on shared ideology, values, issues, etc where they overlap. Where your physical presentation isn't a factor, and instead of rigid boxes of groups we instead socialized more in the way that vin diagrams are.

Though I suppose if we were already organizing in such a manner this topic would be a mute point.

Hang in there, don't stop being you, don't be afraid to not use labels, or reject the label definitions others impose upon you. Also please remember that those who impose the categorical classification do not represent the whole of that group.

Hugs!
You're perfect the way you are!


~Brooke~

Quote from: SiobhánF on April 21, 2017, 01:12:22 PM
I thought it was spot on.

Thank you.

I feel this way quite a lot too. I'm more of a gender fluid kind of person who wouldnt mind to look a lot more androgynous, but I'm also not opposed to a complete MTF transition if things feel right with hormones.

However I also think this is one of the things holding me back from making the "next step", by not being "trans enough". I feel like I'm afraid of wasting a therapists time where they could truly help someone who *needs* the help.

All the gender issue grouping and labels, even the sexual orientation labels, seem unique to US Christians.

In Thailand, people express gender identity as they choose, and nobody seems to notice or care.
I noticed it's the same way with Europeans I've met here in Thailand..very androgynous.
I can't even discuss gender issues with a FtM friend because, to him, it's just the way he is, and not an issue that needs a label or even a discussion.

Many/most (?) of the Thai seem bisexual, but, again, it's not an issue, not even labeled. You are attracted to whoever attracts you; male or female, or both.