My view of being trans has changed alot. I see myself more In terms of being a  normal female than as being a trans female. My sister has even added me on Facebook as her sister. It's all just starting to feel normal. I'm at 3 years and 7 months.

When I started transitioning, I watched every reaction I had for signs that I really wasn't trans. After a lifetime of never being able to be okay with my feminine feelings for long, I guess I was worried I still hadn't found the answer. Month after month I  watched. The further along I went, the more confident I was that this is indeed who I am. To date, I have never had a thought of going back.
Moni

I am finding that my doubts are melting away.  I am me, Kathy, and I like who I am.  I was never able to say that before.

Hi Steph, your posts are always mentally stimulating. The politically correct answer would be we are all different and we perceive the world differently. We all change in our perception of life as we age and experience life. Now add HRT to the mix and the changes to our mind are accelerated. I kinda like the zen description of the journey to enlightment to describe our journey.

When we first discover glimpses of enlightment through our medidation, our perception of our surroundings seem to change. Trees are no longer trees, mountains, people alll change. When we finally become enlightened the trees are merely trees and the mountains and people are just that.

Our journey is similar. We are on the search to find who we are and at different stages of our journeys we have different perceptions.

I started to transition 2 years ago and I live as a woman now for almost 1 1/2h. Yes my views are constantly changing. The more I live as woman the more I love it and I feel confident. Recently I had some surgery, and even if I got a lot of pain, I just feel so blessed to have it done and i know know that the ultimate goal is SRS. My big question is where I go sexually.

When I first started publicly transitioning, I was 100% committed to it.  I went clothes shopping while presenting as female and felt like I was passing despite flaws.  I used the appropriate restrooms with no problem.  I made annoucements on Facebook, and to all of my friends and family.  I though other trans girls were heroes that I wanted to be like.  I was able to calmly correct people who misgender me.  I was able to take a photo of myself and post it online.

At this point, I really hate transitioning.  I am not 100% committed to it anymore, and I have to struggle to continue trying to make progress.  I am not capable of going clothes shopping anymore, and I feel like I am completely unable to pass.  I feel foolish for previously thinking I was passing decently.  I still use the appropriate restrooms, but I have my guard up ready to backtalk anyone who criticizes or misgenders me in that situation.  I deleted my Facebook account because it's a constant source of dysphoria triggers.  I lost all of my friends because they aren't supportive of me.  I lost all of my family except my dad for the same reason.  I am currently having extreme doubts that I have anything in common with other trans girls except dysphoria symptoms.  I am often jealous of their progress and ability to pass.  I can no longer remain calm when correcting misgendering, because the pattern of being misgendered has worn me out.  I can no longer take photos of myself at all.

The only thing I see any hope in is electrolysis, and it's so extremely painful that it's hard to be excited about.  I think that's the only thing keeping me from passing.

Quote from: Axolotl on April 23, 2017, 09:21:41 PM
When I first started publicly transitioning, I was 100% committed to it.  I went clothes shopping while presenting as female and felt like I was passing despite flaws.  I used the appropriate restrooms with no problem.  I made annoucements on Facebook, and to all of my friends and family.  I though other trans girls were heroes that I wanted to be like.  I was able to calmly correct people who misgender me.  I was able to take a photo of myself and post it online.

At this point, I really hate transitioning.  I am not 100% committed to it anymore, and I have to struggle to continue trying to make progress.  I am not capable of going clothes shopping anymore, and I feel like I am completely unable to pass.  I feel foolish for previously thinking I was passing decently.  I still use the appropriate restrooms, but I have my guard up ready to backtalk anyone who criticizes or misgenders me in that situation.  I deleted my Facebook account because it's a constant source of dysphoria triggers.  I lost all of my friends because they aren't supportive of me.  I lost all of my family except my dad for the same reason.  I am currently having extreme doubts that I have anything in common with other trans girls except dysphoria symptoms.  I am often jealous of their progress and ability to pass.  I can no longer remain calm when correcting misgendering, because the pattern of being misgendered has worn me out.  I can no longer take photos of myself at all.

The only thing I see any hope in is electrolysis, and it's so extremely painful that it's hard to be excited about.  I think that's the only thing keeping me from passing.

here in south Florida we have some trans consultants that help with the way you present. It can give you a lot of confidence. Although I do not care anymore, important is that i feel comfortable.

Quote from: Ella2Marques on April 23, 2017, 09:30:38 PM
here in south Florida we have some trans consultants that help with the way you present. It can give you a lot of confidence. Although I do not care anymore, important is that i feel comfortable.

What I mean by presenting as female is I dress in all feminine clothing.  If we're talking about re-training mannerisms, I have nothing I want to re-train.  I feel I have had female mannerisms my whole life.  The problem I am having is I cannot fix 5 o'clock shadow.  It's the dead giveaway.

My view hasn't changed.

I'm still the same person, there's never been any dichotomy there. Transition is just medication, in my view.

Quote from: Axolotl on April 23, 2017, 09:40:51 PM
What I mean by presenting as female is I dress in all feminine clothing.  If we're talking about re-training mannerisms, I have nothing I want to re-train.  I feel I have had female mannerisms my whole life.  The problem I am having is I cannot fix 5 o'clock shadow.  It's the dead giveaway.

Girl if you have dark hair think about laser removal and if you have white like me electrolysis. Some CIS woman do not have better either.

So much has changed in my views that it would take an essay to explain it all ...

I suppose growing up at last and learning to keep both feet on the ground has been the major breakthrough.

I know full well that not everybody is going to agree with my choices ... and some will never be able to ... I have found peace with that.

If I am going to have my opinion and perceptions, then I must be graceful and allow others the same. I have learned to agree to disagree - not just on trans matters, but also on the religious and political.

Many people go through cathartic life changes - as a trans person I am not unique in that regard - and those changes can polarize the people around us.

Transition may have been the catalyst to sort myself out - but lasting peace has come from accepting myself, and equally accepting others - not matter what they perceive or believe.

Transition has taught me that I am *not* special - I am simply one person on their own journey to discover their true self. That knowledge has been one of the greatest gifts of all. Live and let live ...

Trans has always been my default, but coming out and learning to live openly in society is a whole other story.
I'm definitely not stable in my thoughts yet, partly because I haven't received any specialised help whatsoever and partly because I lack experience. I'm only human, it's a lot to take on but my confidence is growing.
I don't beat myself up anymore, try not to feel sorry for myself to varying degrees of success. But overall I'm much happier in myself, so my view is tipping towards a more positive one.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Even though i presented as a feminine male and pretty androgynous before transition, after transition there were some surprises. I thought basically i was the same person and i am, but i did not imagine the differences that transition would bring to light:

One, is i did not realize how pervasive gender and gender presentation was in society. It really is in every single human interaction and it is upfront. From this "gender moment" comes many things good and bad and now i have a much better realization of how all women face negatives in our society because of our gender.

Second, Is i did not realize how attracted to men or emotionally attached to men from a romantic perspective, i would become. Even though i was bisexual in the past, everything changed. This includes how i view sex, how i experience sex, how i become interested in it, etc. People no longer seem like sex objects to me and they did before i realize now. They seem like emotionally wonderful but flawed individuals that i want to be close to and share myself with on the emotional plane, then the physical follows.

Quote from: stephaniec on April 23, 2017, 06:49:14 PM
My view of being trans has changed alot. I see myself more In terms of being a  normal female than as being a trans female. My sister has even added me on Facebook as her sister. It's all just starting to feel normal. I'm at 3 years and 7 months.

Yes, very much the same.  I rarely identify as trans* outwardly anymore.  I don't strive for stealth, but I just want to live as a woman... under the radar (basically, stealth ....lol).  But, yea, I see myself more being a normal female now, than a trans female.

Yes absolutely. When I started transitioning I doubted I could because of health issues. Thanks to Dana I got a different perspective. I met Chris Deee before I started HRT and she was so helpful. and actually the first transperson I ever met. I since met many more through Ingersoll Center. The stories are stunningly similar. I once thought I was alone and thankfully found out otherwise. Actually I am more intent than ever to open peoples questioning eyes. First and foremost for better or worse we are human beings and have a right to exist.

Have my views towards transitioning changed? No and Yes. No, in that I'm going for the male-fail point of view and yes, since what hrt has done to my mind and body, are not what I expected, but I'm ok with that. I'm kinda failing as a straight macho looking guy, and hrt has changed, not only my body, but my mind(i.e. alot more emotionally sensitive, but yet more stern, resolved, and way less needy).
Axolotl, I can kind of relate, since I cannot transition at my present workplace and my home environment right now, even though I'm 4 years, 5 months into hrt. I basically went for the male-fail mode, due to my environment. I basically present as a very much feminized male, but act macho(i.e. go figure that) and even I think I don't pass, which I don't to a large degree(FFS, BBL, voice, BA, mannerisms, and GRS). Outside my girlfriend, therapist and doctors, nobody knows I'm on hrt, but sense something is off about me, I don't socialize with the guys at all anymore. I just go about my business as a guy, as much as possible. One odd thing though. I had to tint my car windows alot darker, to keep from being annoyed from random stares, and wear a jacket alot more, to hide boobage.

I feel I don 't pass, yet I get birddogged from people from time to time, annoying at times. I just chalk it up I'm right in the middle of the gender spectrum, with people(i.e. trying to figure out, what I am), mostly guys, extremely few females.

I just stay busy with work and grad school, to pay much attention, to my personal self. Grad school is coming to an end this year though or early next year, so I have to figure out how I'm going to address my personal life more.

I sense I'm going to hate straddling the gender spectrum and it will be interesting to me, to see which side of the gender spectrum I slant too.  I'm kinda doing things in reverse, which is ok by me.