Sort of a long background

So for a few months now I've been not using the locker room at the gym as I have started wearing more women's workout items (yoga pants, etc) when there. Not comfortable in the men's anymore and not far enough along transition to attempt the women's yet.

First few times I left my coat in the car and wore the same shoes inside as out.  I really hate that and hate when others do it as even on dry days you can track in  dirt and stones etc much less the wet and snowy days. 

So I started bringing my shoes in a small back pack style bag and putting that near what ever machine I'm using.  Not perfect but solves the shoes problem.

No one says anything to me for months.

Until today.

So today they tell me that bags aren't allowed like that and ask if I could put it in a locker.  So I tell them I'm not comfortable using the locker room and explain why I bring the bag (the shoe issue, which they get and like).  They do offer to keep it behind the desk for me which is fine, I don't need it until I leave and need to change my shoes. 

Ok, I do my treadmill and go to pick up my bag.    I'm thinking they had guessed it before based on my attire but here's where it becomes obvious to me that they know for certain now. When the desk clerk gave me my bag back he reiterated that bags we're against policy but they would make an exception for me and keep mine behind the counter for me.

Ok that's cool but does confirm that they know, which isn't too big a deal or I wouldn't be wearing yoga pants while I work out there.

I had an idea for them which they seemed receptive too.  They have  a big board there for people that don't use the lockers to hang their keys on (yes the purple place)  I suggested a cubby hole type shelf like they have at the play areas at McDonald's for people's shoes.  He seemed to like the idea and said he'd pass it along.   

So maybe I did something positive too.

I do want to say both the people who talked to me were very nice, and handled everything great. Short of offering to build me my own locker room(kidding), I don't think there was any better solution available.

They really did handle it great and I absolutely don't blame them in anyway but it some how set off the dysphoria and I was almost crying on the way home.  Totally made no sense as they didn't say or do anything wrong or upsetting. 



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I am sorry you got triggered. The gym is a difficult area to come out. I use to belong to the purple gym at one time and only used the key holding area.

I am fortunate, I go to a LGBT gym now and they are very accepting.

Sorry to hear that you got clocked and that it triggered you.  But good on you for going to the gym in the first place, and for making a suggestion to improve the place.

Actually I'm surprised that they don't already have shoe cubbies. The gym that my wife and I used to go to (pre transition) had shoe cubbies and their use was mandatory.

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 28, 2017, 04:28:37 PM
Sorry to hear that you got clocked and that it triggered you.  But good on you for going to the gym in the first place, and for making a suggestion to improve the place.

Actually I'm surprised that they don't already have shoe cubbies. The gym that my wife and I used to go to (pre transition) had shoe cubbies and their use was mandatory.

Not so much clocked as I'm not really trying to pass there (no make up, just barely 2 months hrt) and I've been going there avg about 3 times a week for two and half years so they may have noticed the change. 

Only bad part of the whole thing was the triggering which thankfully didn't last too long.  Really don't know what caused it.


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I too am a member at the purple gym, and I've seen people hang small bags from those key hooks.  Although I'll also say at my location I've seen people who don't use the locker room with bags out on the floor. 

I'm glad they treated you well.  That particular gym chain does have a pretty good non-discrimination policy (which they've even defended in court).

When I stopped using the locker room I thought about asking if there was a place I could put my coat and change my shoes.  Decided not to out myself at the time.  I've seen plenty of others just walking in with out coat etc do thought I'd give it a try.  Ok with leaving the coat in the car; its a short walk.  After a couple snowy days I started bringing my  shoes in the little back pack.  I'm sure I've seen others with small bags.   Maybe I'll hang it on a key hook if they don't have the shoe cubbies next time. 

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My reading of your account is that you have had a wholly positive end result.  Congratulations to you and the gym staff, both of whom handled what could have been an awkward situation well.  All the best.

Quote from: Katy on April 28, 2017, 08:34:10 PM
My reading of your account is that you have had a wholly positive end result.  Congratulations to you and the gym staff, both of whom handled what could have been an awkward situation well.  All the best.

Yes on the whole very positive.

Not overly concerned but still wondering what triggered me later.  Was easily able to talk myself out of it because it was a positive experience.

I did have a thought(much later, not at the time) that maybe they were playing "It's Pat" with me and wanted to see which locker room I'd use.  I don't really believe that though.


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There is always the danger of overthinking or rethinking everything that one does or that happens to you.  (I'm often guilty of this.)  You are right, of course, that there is the possibility that there is a story behind the story.  However, that is only a possibility, not an absolute.  I would urge you to simply accept the good result, have a great workout, and not worry about it.  All the best to you. 

Well first visit back today, all went well.  No shoe cubby yet but not realistic to expect that quickly.  Same guy behind counter was even reaching to get my bag when I had finished changing shoes.  I asked if I could just hang it on the key rack (I think Alyssa said she's seen that) and he was good with that.

  It was extremely cool of them to offer to let me keep the bag behind the counter but I think I figured out why I don't want that.

I already stand out being a 6'3" tall trans woman that's barely started transition.  I don't want any extra attention from dropping off and picking up my bag. Also, what happens when different people are working the desk?  Will they know? Will I have to explain again?   So I'm thinking what was bothering me was it would be a public display that I'm different every time I went to the gym.  I know I show I'm different by wearing the women's work out clothes but that is my choice.

I'm sure there was plenty of over thinking on my part because I couldn't figure out why anything bothered me about it.  I'd be surprised if there was any thing to it on their part other than the no bag policy.  If they were playing "It's Pat" I'd find that equal parts enraging and hilarious, probably why I thought of it.


So it appears to be a non issue now.  ☺


So of course after getting that all settled in my head, just to ping my dysphoria I see a woman leaving with wet hair and dressed for work in a skirt and heels.  Just a hint of "why isn't that me" before I turned it into "that will be me".



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Good going on that progress. The gym can be tricky. I dressed/undressed in a unisex bathroom for a long time until i approached management and asked if i could use the women's locker room, to which they replied "of course you can" and added if any one gives me any trouble, send them to management.

To my knowledge, other than a few sideways glances , nobody has complained. I shower also. I don't parade around naked, i wrap myself in a towel as most women do.

 Hi Tonya,

   I'm glad you feel you've gotten things straightened out at the gym. Now you can concentrate on the thing you went there for in the first place.
  I'll have you know though you caused me extra research online because of a reference in both of your last two posts. With due diligence I now know what the heck your reference to "It's Pat" is all about. Yep, you guessed it I am not a SNL person. I can't recall ever watching an episode of it and therefore didn't have a clue just what your were talking about. I watched a 5 minute YouTube clip on the It's Pat gym episode. And now I got it. I am enlightened. Should I thank you? Never mind just go enjoy your workout.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: JeanetteLW on May 01, 2017, 01:30:32 PM
Hi Tonya,

   I'm glad you feel you've gotten things straightened out at the gym. Now you can concentrate of the thing you went there for in the first place.
  I'll have you know though you caused me extra research online because of a reference in both of your last two posts. With due diligence I now know what the heck your reference to "It's Pat" is all about. Yep, you guessed it I am not a SNL person. I can't recall ever watching an episode of it and therefore didn't have a clue just what your were talking about. I watched a 5 minute YouTube clip on the It's Pat gym episode. And now I got it. I am enlightened. Should I thank you? Never mind just go enjoy your workout.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

I guess that's a somewhat older bit.

Probably a lot of the youngsters here wouldn't know it either.  It wasn't aimed at trans folk but I'm guessing it wouldn't be as funny now.

I'll try to dig up a link after work tonight

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Quote from: TonyaW on May 01, 2017, 04:02:59 PM
I guess that's a somewhat older bit.

Probably a lot of the youngsters here wouldn't know it either.  It wasn't aimed at trans folk but I'm guessing it wouldn't be as funny now.

I'll try to dig up a link after work tonight

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  Here you go Tonya. This is the gum one I watched.

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/its-pat/n10133?snl=1

Laurie