Just a quick note for the US-centric audience here: there's no such thing as simply going to see a therapist in the UK. Our GPs prefer not to refer us to therapists but if they do, the waiting list is many months long & we usually only get 6 sessions. Private therapists are usually too expensive for most people because of a lack of disposable income due to our high cost-of-living.

An exception might be Relate: they offer couples therapy and some of it is free; otherwise they have a sliding scale of payments depending on your income. Perhaps the OP would like to contact them for advice? You could go on your own or with your wife. My husband & I went (as did our kids) and to be honest we got stuck with an unsuitable counsellor, but you might be luckier. Your GP may also have a list of support agencies that can help you: please do see your GP & tell them you're feeling depressed and need urgent help. If you think you're in imminent danger of hurting yourself, please go to your nearest A&E and they'll be happy to help you.

Also, look in your local area for trans or LGBT support groups. If you don't have a wide circle of friends & family who could support you, your best bet would be to make new friends. Search for your nearest city and 'transgender support groups' or 'lgbt support groups' and see what comes up. I've made plenty of very dear, real-life friends by doing exactly that, and they've helped pull me through some very dark times.

I just re-read his posts and he didn't mention a location, his profile page doesn't list location. He did say that he was seeing a therapist in a couple of weeks not many months.

I am in Wales in the UK it's taken me months just to see a therapist even tho I am suicidal the UK sucks think I will be dead before I get any help.

Hi coldHeart. If you have any budget,  some UK therapists do offer counselling via Skype,  one such is Lynn Allars, but there are others. Please stay strong,  finding ourselves can be a bumpy winding road,  but as others have said,  it can lead to a better place.  X

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I,ve most of the day trying to find any groups in my area the nearest one..over 70 miles away how the hell do transgender people in the UK try to get help, I know people keep saying it early days & give it time.. Time is one thing I don't have, sorry people for being negative but i really am at rock bottom

Even if it's not a Trans* group,  there may be a more local LGBT group you might contact,  the 'coming out' experience is a very common one,  and there would doubtless be support there for you. If you're in work would your employer have any resources?

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Given your mindset at the moment, it's probably very difficult to see any light. If you really want to solve this problem and get out from under the darkness you're going to have to need to rise to the occasion, reach out and let someone know that's within proximity that you're in crises mode. Right now, help doesn't need to be a Gender Therapist or someone in the LGBT community. It just needs to be someone who will listen and not be judgemental. someone who is willing to talk to you face-to-face, in a safe environment. Don't close yourself off you'll only make the hole feel deeper.

What is the situation with your wife now? Is she at home with you? Has the subject come up for discussion?

I understand that the gender program is overloaded but can you see a regular therapist who may help you cope until you  can get into a gender program?

I am at home living with my wife & things have settled down a little but I don't think I can come out to the world I live in a very small almost isolated village people here already see me as a little odd because I keep my self to self I dread to think if they see me as any one else I know I shouldn't sorry what people think but I do, my wife is OK with me dressing up when I,m alone in the house but that's twice a week but that's not enough for me know.

Wait, you said she gave you an ultimatum, no more dressing up or anything. Has she come around to 2 days a week?

That would be a great start if you ask me.

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For what it is worth, after a good 40-50 years of playing, I came to the point of needing to take the Trans-Best on for real. My wife/gf/bff/reality-therapist of a good 30 years back then knew of my gender issues from about day 1. Still, dropping the T-Bomb on her did not go all that well. She felt betrayed, lied to and saw a wasted lifetime together and absolutely no future since I was no longer "just a cross-dresser". If only I knew back when..... was was her favorite refrain often followed by "I did not marry a woman"

It takes time for an SO to get over the shock, much less even grasp what we are going through. Putting things in proper perspective, we spent pretty much an entire lifetime barely getting a handle on our GD. Our SO has had mere milli-Seconds in comparison.

After a few days she has come around to CD'ing a few days a weeks I take that as a great positive sign. In the early years with my wife she would generally leave the house for the few hours or most of the day when I needed my escapes from maleness. TBH - It was a good thing because after she started staying home any sort of closeness, romance and forget intimacy was not to be had with the image of Joanne, that other woman, firmly in her mind. There will likely be rules, some unsaid, as well as boundaries. Especially since you live in a small isolated town. Even for me, living within 3 miles of Times Square NYC my wife has her fears about the close minded neighbors.

Time is your friend when it comes to saving the relationship. Time and LOTS of communication. The oft times difficult emotionally charged discussions. Listen to the message and not the words. When the filters are off some things just may be said to hurt you as a way to get even with the hurting she is feeling

She has come round quite a bit we had a good heart to heart yesterday she was happy for me to wear some items of clothing under my "man" clothes as long as I told her that it was a "one of those days" which is a start she has also been talking about how she wants me to do future projects on are home ( brought 6 months ago) so she must see some sort of future together, I would do anything for this women but I must say this time last week I didn't think I had any future of sorts but while I,m still very depressed its not all doom & gloom. Thanks people for being there😊