You knew me on here for 2 years. I used to question whether I was really transgender, asking about specialists, etc. I would always research stuff on transition and trans people. Later, I realized that if I was really trans, it would've been biological and I most likely would've felt this since I was 5 or so. I only have thoughts about gender when I see Trans people or things online. But it all started after the end of high school. I am probably more of a crossdresser. But even this is a major headache for me. If i wanted to cross-dress, I'd want to eventually get to a point where I can dress 24/7 and not even need to use hip pads and forms to create a mere illusion of my body shape. Genital modification is optional, though. I just want to do it because I want to try a new female identity.

What should I do? Can I try convincing my mom to get me to see a specialist after all?  I always had troubles describing things myself.

I recommend seeing a gender therapist. Labels and narratives really do not apply, we are all individuals.

How do I prepare to convince my mom again? For now, I know that I tested the waters with dad, but I may have gone too far (what a stupid thing). He'd think I was a homosexual and stuff. I don't know if he'd ever respond with total rage, though. I'm going to my mom for now, but I want the timing to be better. Two weeks ago, I had my heart broken by a girl, but I since recovered. Last time I had been heartbroken I "came out" not as successfully as transgender. I can't think of everything I need to say right now.

I also am attracted to women as a guy by the way.

It's extraordinarily common to be a trans girl attracted to other girls.  You should probably lead your coming out with that part.  Say "I feel that I am a girl, and I am attracted to other girls".  That's exactly how I felt and exactly what I said to the first person I came out to.

The reason I suggest leading with that is, then people will not jump to stereotypes thinking you are attracted to men.  Also, you should know that HRT can change your body to be how you described.  The correct shape without having to wear prosthetics.  Genital modification also plays a role in how the feminization affects work.  Don't assume the purpose of genital modification is for the purpose of having sex.

Try to explain to your mom, and suggest you don't want to talk to a therapist but rather someone who specializes in gender.  You can easily get misdiagnosed if you go to a therapist or psychiatrist (it happened to me).  Also, if this is torturing you and you need HRT right away, please ask to see an endocrinologist that can prescribe it.  Good luck!

QuoteHe'd think I was a homosexual and stuff.

I'm just curious about your word choice here. I rarely hear other LGBTQ people, speaking candidly, refer to themselves as homosexual. Are you using that descriptor because your Dad uses that term or do you refer to yourself that way?

I'm not being judgemental, or accusatory in any way here. This is the second time this week I've run across someone using that word to define a compartmentalized barrier between their perception of themselves within the LGBTQ community and "Them", i.e. Homosexuals.

I only referred to "homosexual" because that's what my dad said.

Axolotl: I said in my op that I feel like wanting to wear women's stuff and maybe even a real body, but I don't believe there is something biologically telling me I actually am a girl. And I wasn't thinking HRT right now, but I may in the future the more I explore myself.

I'm trying not to trigger people, but I want to be honest. I'm not the best at supplying trigger warnings.

Quote from: redhot1 on April 29, 2017, 02:15:28 PM
I don't believe there is something biologically telling me I actually am a girl. And I wasn't thinking HRT right now, but I may in the future the more I explore myself.

I may not be qualified to give anyone advice who doesn't know what it is they want for certain.  I was giving the best advice I could.  I imagine there's not much reason to be upset if all it is you want to do is cross dress.  All that requires is going to the store and buying stuff.  If you realize it doesn't fit on your body how you want it to, that IS a sign telling you you want to be biologically different than you are currently.

Thing is, I never really tried to dress yet. Sounds awkward I know

I'm at a similar point myself, but probably not agonizing about it nearly as much.  From what I hear around here, if you question, then you are probably trans in some sense.  Cis people don't question their gender.  And just because you didn't feel it at age 5 doesn't invalidate what you feel now.  I didn't either.

That said, how far a person wants to go with it seems to have a wide variation.  Some people never express it out of their own private place, while others plunge into transition in all its aspects.  With everything in between.  And likely your own feelings will change over time.  So you can just do whatever helps you be comfortable for now.

I'd suggest trying dressing, and as suggested above, see how it feels.  How to get clothes?  It's easier than you think.  I've shopped as a male at an used clothing store, Walmart, Penney's and other places.  The only question I've gotten was from a Walmart clerk to make sure I wasn't confused about which jeans to get ("Did you want the mens?").  That said, it can seem very difficult to go in there, but just do it.  Nobody will bite or scream.  If you have a female friend who will go with you (or your Mom!) it will be easier.

As far as your sexual preference, I've always been totally confused about terms such as homosexual, lesbian, gay in conjunction with trans people.  It's like having a double negative, and I think the meaning of it depends on knowing how the person feels about themselves -- am I male or female?  As my own feelings about myself transition, I might go from "heterosexual" to "lesbian" while never changing my attraction to my cis female wife.  People around here don't use that terminology much, probably for that reason.

Ok, enough of my rambling.

It sounds like your parents really don't understand your gender issues.  The only way that changes is if you educate them.  That means saying exactly what you mean and what you want.  The freedom to explore your own unique gender identity.  Since you live with them that is something that needs to happen before you can move forward.  The old saying, "the squeaky wheel gets the grease."  You can be your own best advocate but that means being very clear with them about what you want and need.  One thing I've learned is that if you really want something. You have to ask for it.

Here's a question, what would it feel like to have something biological telling you that you're female? Would it be a sort of constant pull towards the feminine that society forces you to resist, or would it rather be like just sort of "knowing" magically. Conversely, is there something (besides your sex organ) biologically saying that you are male?

For me I've always had this "pull", in the store, I want to be shopping in the women's section, the clothes look much nicer, and jewellery is so pretty, I want to be kind and bubbly, I want to be smooth and smell nice, I want to have long hair to style... Would I say I want to be a girl if all it meant was a different sex organ, definitely not. It's the whole package, being male is so utterly boring to me.

I have a hunch that mostly sounds familiar.

What follows isn't written with the voice of experience, but after considering your circumstances it is my best shot at being helpful.  I would schedule a routine physical exam with your GP.  At that exam I would tell your physician what you are feeling and thinking, and ask the doctor what course of action you should pursue.  My best guess is that your GP will recommend seeing a professional counselor.  The assurance of confidentially from your GP and the weight of a medical professional words may open doors to seeing someone who can help you sort things out.  I wish you all the best. 

Quote from: Axolotl on April 29, 2017, 07:30:58 PM
I may not be qualified to give anyone advice who doesn't know what it is they want for certain.  I was giving the best advice I could.  I imagine there's not much reason to be upset if all it is you want to do is cross dress.  All that requires is going to the store and buying stuff.  If you realize it doesn't fit on your body how you want it to, that IS a sign telling you you want to be biologically different than you are currently.

Is the last part meant literally? And how do I understand whether those feelings are strong enough to qualify?

Hey RH1

Yes, I have seen you around this Place for a couple of years. You ask interesting questions.  Your relationship with your folks seems to be a recurrent sticking point for you. 

Nobody ever picked their parents but you can choose to slowly open up some dialogue with your mom that includes sensitive subjects.  You can do that anytime you're ready.  You can discuss a "friend you know" that has these issues or worries about .._________you fill in the blanks.

You can start cross dressing any day you like too.  I started with a  tight T shirt and some wadded up kleenex and tight shorts.  You are allowed private time in the bathroom or your bedroom perhaps?

As previously mentioned; Labels are often unhelpful, you are unique.  Does it really matter if the origins of identity are biological or predetermined or shaped by experience?  You are here now and you have the biggest role in determining where you are going.  You are the one to decide what qualifies as strong enough feelings to move forward.  This obviously is not going away for you

Well, I have discussed with mom about it before...that's it, I just let the cat out of the bag too soon, and need to find a way to enter it again. And for crossdressing, those are women's clothes you mentioned right?

I also want to know, what method of hair removal is best for me? Are the epilators good? About facial hair too.

I think you are a very bright young person and can imagine you asking her just the right questions too....

Cross dressing would normally be with women's clothes, but you can start with your own, like a tight t-shirt and shorts as Tessa mentioned. Nothing you'd be embarrassed to be found with. I started going outside my usual male boundaries of color, fit (I got tight shirts too) and even style, which felt good to me but didn't trigger any suspicion in others. I could wear these things in public and start to get over my own self-imposed self consciousness about wearing ambiguous things. It helped me get braver.

For hair, I just use a regular electric shaver plus I experiment with blade razors. Many people use many things.

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Quote from: redhot1 on May 01, 2017, 04:37:33 PM
Is the last part meant literally? And how do I understand whether those feelings are strong enough to qualify?

If you feel the clothes you want to wear does not fit your body the way you want, that is a sign you are discontent with your current biology.  For example, if you feel your body hair is making the cut of a feminine t-shirt look bad.  Things like that are signs and every sign counts.

I agree with the other posts here.  If you're trying cross dressing, do something subtle.  Don't start with something as extreme as a dress unless you are prepared to possibly feel an extreme disappointment in your body shape.

As for hair removal, blade razors are the best.  If you ever decide to transition, you will likely need electrolysis on your face.  Btw wanting to remove hair from your body and face is a sign that you're discontent with your body.  Don't be afraid to shave your entire body if you want.  It's liberating, although not as effective as HRT.  Best of luck.

+1 what RandyL said.  Shop Aeropostale for example.  Right now they have guy's shorts in better colors than the girls' shorts, colors like pink, turquoise and lavender.  And their guys polo shirts are almost identical to the girls items.  And their Free State T shirts are nice enough that I still wear my old guys T shirts even though I have been on hormones almost a year.