Hi,
I have been struggling with this for ages and I just feel so lost. I am a trans woman but I am not very girly, I like motorbikes, wearing jeans and t-shirts, drinking beer, I am not very feminine at all. However, I feel like I can't be a trans women and dress the way I dress or have the full sleeve tattoos I want, I feel like an imposter, like I am not girly enough and it is really messing with me as all other trans women I have seen are really girly and like girly things, I feel like if I am not like that I can't be trans, has anyone got any experience with feeling like this and if so how did you cope and deal wth it?

Your description of your interests reminds me almost entirely of my cis female friend.  Don't get discouraged, I'm not that girly either (only when I want to be).

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You definitely don't have to be "girly".  You are a girl, and whatever it is you want to do will be a girl doing the activity that you like.  You aren't obligated to conform to any group.

Thank you that does make me feel better, I do find it annoying the way trans women are showed in the media I come from a small town, I have never met another trans woman in my life so my only knowledge comes from what I see in the media, super feminine trans women,so I feel like because I don't match that standard I am not trans enough. Also, thank you axolotl that helps a lot too,I do feel like sometimes I need to fit into the trans group to be trans but yeah you are right I don't need to fit into norms to be trans.

Quote from: bexxyab on May 01, 2017, 08:25:57 AM
I feel like if I am not like that I can't be trans, has anyone got any experience with feeling like this and if so how did you cope and deal wth it?

I like watching WBNA basketball games. Great for easing my dysphoria, but their shooting really sucks.  Maybe it's the lack of upper body strength.

I do the same just with cycling and rugby. 

Be yourself. Let nature run it's course, I'm in a similar situation. Started mtf hrt a month ago, and the results are soothing.one day at a time seems to work for me.

Thank you that helps a lot.

I think things change a bit when t goes down. One of the effects I think I've had from low t is less interest in such things. I used to ride 8k+ miles a year, now I'm lucky to do 1500. No interest in hunting anymore either or doing fix up work. Could be something else as I could be using post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy, but there seems to be a coincidence. I'd make a wager if I went on e, it might seal the deal.


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That would make sense as a lot of these activities are t driven so maybe once I start on e I might become more feminine, but I hope I still have an interest in riding at least because I do love it, even though it is not very girly.

Ladies you really need to step away from the stereotypes of what a woman should be. They come in all types including some very tomboyish ones. It is just males that are slammed into strict this is how you should act and dress modes.

I don't think its a good idea to judge yourself by others. Its like we have all this difficulty with accepting we're not cis, and then go and repeat the problem with not being trans in the right way. I prefer to think that I'm me, but I'm not quite sure what that is just yet. I look at others as a way of exploring, not with the aim of being them.

Also, look up "a Girl for all seasons" on YouTube. I don't think anyone would doubt she's a woman, even though she races cars.

That is a very good mindset to have and just have seems like a really good channel.

Quote from: Gertrude on May 01, 2017, 09:23:36 AM
I think things change a bit when t goes down. One of the effects I think I've had from low t is less interest in such things. ...No interest in hunting anymore either...

I still hunt and want to badly.  I use a bow my aunt gave me, and when I bought a crossbow I bought a pink camo one.   I go out hunting by myself.  My wife has no interest in such things.  I don't feel less female when I do, either.  I have posted elsewhere on here that I still do all the stereotypical male stuff as I did before and I have zero T and have had none for years now.  I do things that keep me grounded in my femininity, though, so maybe it is a balance that I strike that does not make me feel like you do, bexxyab?  But, I still do all tractor repairs, bush hog repairs, outdoor work, septic repair, hvac at my house, etc.  I love tattoos, too.  Sports are on my TV more than anything else.  Granted, my wife is a sports junkie, too, and she is cis.  Maybe that helps me feel better about it?  My daughter's friends will come in the house and say "Man, you guys watch all sports, don't you?".

Don't box yourself into sterotypes.  Be yourself, and if your gender is female, what you do does not change that.

I think that may be right I have not really done much girly stuff so maybe that is why I feel like this. It does make me feel much more comfortable to know that there are more trans women out there who still like stereotypical male stuff as I don't feel as alone. Also, you are totally right about stereotypes after reading these comments I realize being trans is not what you do but what you are, I feel much happier being the cool biker chick with the tattoos that I am, I am thinking tattoo wise a phoenix for one arm like the real me being born again from the ashes of my previous self.

No matter what I chose to do or what I look like, the most important thing is that I accept myself. Keep in mind, many of us have only changed just a little. The rest stays the same. Change what you want and keep what you want.

I think that is a good thing too, I'm transitioning for me not anyone else so I just have to do me and that is all that matters, no one else needs to accept me as long as I accept myself.

Quote from: bexxyab on May 01, 2017, 08:25:57 AM
Hi,
I have been struggling with this for ages and I just feel so lost. I am a trans woman but I am not very girly, I like motorbikes, wearing jeans and t-shirts, drinking beer, I am not very feminine at all. However, I feel like I can't be a trans women and dress the way I dress or have the full sleeve tattoos I want, I feel like an imposter, like I am not girly enough and it is really messing with me as all other trans women I have seen are really girly and like girly things, I feel like if I am not like that I can't be trans, has anyone got any experience with feeling like this and if so how did you cope and deal wth it?

I've met a lot of trans women like you in person, and I try to stay away from them because they're typically the type to hit on me, whenever I'm really just looking for friends... I befriended a local trans woman, who took me out to her garage, revved her motorcycle at me, and showed off her guns to me (extremely uncomfortable).

Nonetheless, you're not her, obviously. I guess, when I hear things like this, though, I get confused. I'm not trying to challenge your identity, but butch trans women perplex me. See, at the very core of who I am, as a woman, is the desire to please and attract men.

It seriously drives everything, from my success in voice training, to my desire to develop a good fashion sense, to my development of very feminine mannerisms. Attention from them makes me feel validated as a woman, and I really don't know how someone would transition, MTF, without a longing to be femme and attract them!

So, my conclusion is: If you're someone who behaves in a masculine manner, and you expect to stay that way despite potentially transitioning, you'd basically be socially male/masculine and physically female/feminine. That said, do you not experience dysphoria about doing masculine things?

K.C.

Quote from: femfem on May 01, 2017, 11:04:08 AM
...and I really don't know how someone would transition, MTF, without a longing to be femme and attract them!

Because I am a lesbian.  Pretty simple.

First of all, as a trans woman, I thought you would understand the dangers of steryotypes I am not like that, also I do not aim to please men as I am lesbian so yes I am attracted to women but don't act like that. Also, I don't judge but if you form your entire identity around pleasing others that speaks more about you than me. Also, all because I do masculine things does not mean I act in a masculine manner, I can ride a motorbike, get tattoos in a feminine manner. And doing manly things in a manly way does cause me dysphoria I was in the army for 5 months and being forced to act in such a masculine manner made me rock myself to sleep crying every night and I nearly killed myself, several times due to how being forced to act this way made me feel . Also define a good fashion sense I want to rock the biker chick look, which is fashion, fashion is a personal thing to me. And I will develop female mannerisms and a female voice, I still want to be a woman I just enjoy motorbikes and tattoos like many women do. So to conclude yes I may do so-called masculine things but I do them in a feminine way while being a woman.