9 months on T and posted this pic on FB today and got a "get it done, girl" comment from an old coworker and "love ya sis" from my brother on my dad's side whom I've only met twice and barely know.

It might be time for me to come out publicly on FB....

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I am sure it probably feels frustrating to not be seen as a male yet. I am sorry that happened to you.

Unfortunately you can't fix stupid. My brother still calls me by my burth name and pronouns which simply makes him look stupid and doesn't embarass me but him. You totally look like a bloke in that pic; wish my physique looked as masculine as yours

You look really buff in that pic, no doubt about it they were just trying to go by what they think they know, not what they see.

Seriously dude, you muscular AF. That's impressive

Thanks guys.   I know they didn't mean any harm seeing as how they only know me as female.  I'm only out to immediate friends and family.  Not my dads side though since they live on the other side of the country and I don't really have any contact with them and they seem fairly conservative .  Soon as I come out to my HR manager at work I'll  be coming out publicly on FB.

As far as the picture goes it does make me look buff but I feel like it was a camera trick or something cause when I look in the mirror I still see a female.  Maybe it's in my head.


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That depends, do people you dont know see you as male. If not, is it your face, voice?  Those are a couple things since everything seems very masculine on you. If you do pass very well, it may just be in your head.

I have a weird opinion on that but have you tried "flipping that switch"? I've noticed when people, even me, notice "guy" or "girl" when they see something and when theyre told or notice otherwise it's like a switch in your mind flips. This phenomenon I've mainly noticed with pets and animals (and pre-T trans people but that's another story) ,  most animals identify each other by scent but to the human eye,Aside from genitals, Male and female dogs look the same unless you have two side by side for size comparison (Even then age-related or outlier sizes may play a factor.) I've noticed people will have to ask if its a girl or boy and then when they are told will attach a gender to the animal. The same animal can be seen as a guy or girl and people will "flip the switch" in their head to accommodate their view of the animal. In reality, it's rare for animals to attach anything to sex except for, well, sexual purposes.


So with that tangent, my point is you're so used to seeing yourself as female, have you critically looked at yourself as male and "flipped the switch"? You've certainly come a long enough way and have gotten the build, the expression, the hair. Your face is fairly angular from what I can tell. Of course there are the bits only you can see, otherwise, all that's left is your mind. Hopefully you feel comfortable in knowing yourself as male, or seeing that masculinity in yourself on the exterior

To answer your question, no I haven't been able to flip that switch permanently, although it does flicker a lot more lol.  When it comes to other people I have no problem flipping that switch though.

As far as passing I don't get gendered female by strangers anymore, although I can tell that sometimes people aren't sure so they don't  gender me at all.  I'm fairly certain it's my face that confuses people, because my body is pretty masculine and my voice passes over the phone 95% of the time. 

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if i, as a total stranger, stumbled across that pic with those comments, i'd be very confused lol 

i've got family on my dad's side who know my gender but still call me "girl" and such and it drives me up the wall, but i know they do it because that's what they're used to (and being nowhere near passing doesn't help), not out of malice... so i try to be patient and give gentle reminders whenever it comes up.  i think if/when i'm able to pass better, it will be easier for them to get used to the change in name/pronouns. 

i hope coming out goes well for you! 

My mom INTENTIONALLY called me "baby girl" the other day and that pissed me off, but I ignored the comment, Im thinking of asking her not to call me that next time, instead. I mean, "baby" is fine because it's neutral but intentionally shoving "girl" into a sentence is not necessary or relevant, arrrgh! I'm 100% positive for her  it's passively aggressively telling me I am not a guy and will never be, and that I need to get over it or something. Despite the fact that where I live Im gendered male 100% of the time, no one is looking in my pants and I wouldnt associate with anyone who would look into my pants and not acknowledge me as male as much as I am on the outside.

Relatives and parents especially will see you as what you were born us, they grew up with you the longest and their mindset still has the name and sex you were born with. My partner's family, mainly her mom, is very open and accepting of her transition and they help her through the process a lot, but they still misgender her and misname her, their excuse being theyve used X name and pronoun for years and theyre old and its hardwired in them not to remember easily.

Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on May 03, 2017, 09:53:08 AM
My mom INTENTIONALLY called me "baby girl" the other day and that pissed me off, but I ignored the comment, Im thinking of asking her not to call me that next time, instead. I mean, "baby" is fine because it's neutral but intentionally shoving "girl" into a sentence is not necessary or relevant, arrrgh! I'm 100% positive for her  it's passively aggressively telling me I am not a guy and will never be, and that I need to get over it or something. Despite the fact that where I live Im gendered male 100% of the time, no one is looking in my pants and I wouldnt associate with anyone who would look into my pants and not acknowledge me as male as much as I am on the outside.

Relatives and parents especially will see you as what you were born us, they grew up with you the longest and their mindset still has the name and sex you were born with. My partner's family, mainly her mom, is very open and accepting of her transition and they help her through the process a lot, but they still misgender her and misname her, their excuse being theyve used X name and pronoun for years and theyre old and its hardwired in them not to remember easily.

Yeah. My entire family constantly misgenders me but I'm fairly certain noone does it on purpose except for my husband's mom. 

Not so funny story:  When I was working out in the yard the day that picture was taken my mother in law was outside helping keep an eye on my youngest child.  I have two dogs, a male and female and my female dog started humping my male dog.  My mother in law said in the loudest voice possible without actually yelling, something along  the lines of "stop it, Pixie, you're a girl not a boy"  and then she continued to drag it on for another minute talking to my little boy about it in a silly voice.  I know my MiL well enough to know she was doing it to get under my skin and unfortunately it worked.

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Quote from: lil_red on May 03, 2017, 10:48:11 PM
Yeah. My entire family constantly misgenders me but I'm fairly certain noone does it on purpose except for my husband's mom. 

Not so funny story:  When I was working out in the yard the day that picture was taken my mother in law was outside helping keep an eye on my youngest child.  I have two dogs, a male and female and my female dog started humping my male dog.  My mother in law said in the loudest voice possible without actually yelling, something along  the lines of "stop it, Pixie, you're a girl not a boy"  and then she continued to drag it on for another minute talking to my little boy about it in a silly voice.  I know my MiL well enough to know she was doing it to get under my skin and unfortunately it worked.

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The fact that your female dog displayed "male" behavior should have alone proved that gender isnt all that defined, people can be sticklers for norms when the facts are right in their face that things arent black and white. Sorry to hear that, though