Quote from: vicki_sixx on May 03, 2017, 09:01:59 PM
Of course you have the feelings of 'I'm a guy and should stop this before it gets out of hand'. Running with your obviously true feelings is to put you at great risk: of not passing, or rejection, of ridicule, of hate, of bigotry, of persecution, of loneliness. It also puts great strain on your finances and highlights the flaws in your skills: walking like a woman, talking like a woman, applying makeup, male bone structure.

The 'stop this before it's too late'  thinking is natural because being a guy is safe. You look like a guy, you talk like one, you smell like one, you have male hormone levels and you probably have 'masculine' interests. In short: you're accepted by society as a man and no one bats an eyelid. And being accepted is comforting. We seek it for survival reasons. So why would anyone choose to gleefully remove themselves from such safety and acceptance and ostracise themselves and painting a big target on their back?

However, despite knowing all of this you still want what you want. You suppress the thoughts for a little while but they always come back. They always do. Why? Survival. The woman inside you is trying her best to survive, to live, to thrive.

Read this:  http://born.uk.com/tell-youre-trans/

Then read this: http://born.uk.com/regrets-vicki-sixx/

Hi Vicki, you don't know how much I needed a post like this today. I woke up feeling awful and with all these feelings of "stop right now, you're not transgender, stop it and live like a man"...and all you describe is basically what I feel at the moment. Thank you. Now I'm going to read those 2 articles.

I read all of the first article and most of the second. I unfortunately couldn't relate since it seems like it was written for crossdressers, and I've never really crossdressed except for a couple of times in Halloween. Still, I feel I am transgender.

I am really glad you liked the post and that it was of help. Both articles were written for transgendered people so you'd be wrong to infer it's only for cross dressers. Out of interest what made you think that? I tried to make it clear that it' about living as your true (girl) self. If you try again, you may find it even more empowering and helpful than my previous post and that it inspires you even when you're at you're lowest ebb.

As an aside, it's unfair to distance oneself from crossdressers so vehemently. Please don't make the mistake of seeing CDs as fetishists or feeling their journey is different to yours. The majority of crossdressers are transgender but are unable to transition for a number of reasons: marriage, kids, family, job, fear etc - the same fears that TG & TS experience. Also every transsexual starts out as a crossdresser - wearing the clothes of opposite sex without hormonal or surgical interference. As you know, many TGs/TS don't come out until late in life, after years of crossdressing, so just because someone doesn't realise they're TG (or are in denial) doesn't mean they aren't. The only difference is that some get to the edge and just about hold back whilst others just about make it over the edge. There's very few transsexuals who cross that line without missing a step. Most stumble, fall, stop, look back and even head back along the way - and some never complete the journey and so there is usually very little that separates a TS from a TV.


xxx

Quote from: vicki_sixx on May 04, 2017, 09:44:41 AM
I am really glad you liked the post and that it was of help. Both articles were written for transgendered people so you'd be wrong to infer it's only for cross dressers. Out of interest what made you think that? I tried to make it clear that it' about living as your true (girl) self. If you try again, you may find it even more empowering and helpful than my previous post and that it inspires you even when you're at you're lowest ebb.

As an aside, it's unfair to distance oneself from crossdressers so vehemently. Please don't make the mistake of seeing CDs as fetishists or feeling their journey is different to yours. The majority of crossdressers are transgender but are unable to transition for a number of reasons: marriage, kids, family, job, fear etc - the same fears that TG & TS experience. Also every transsexual starts out as a crossdresser - wearing the clothes of opposite sex without hormonal or surgical interference. As you know, many TGs/TS don't come out until late in life, after years of crossdressing, so just because someone doesn't realise they're TG (or are in denial) doesn't mean they aren't. The only difference is that some get to the edge and just about hold back whilst others just about make it over the edge. There's very few transsexuals who cross that line without missing a step. Most stumble, fall, stop, look back and even head back along the way - and some never complete the journey and so there is usually very little that separates a TS from a TV.


xxx

Hi Vicki,

No I wasn't trying to be dismissive or prejudiced against crossdressers, I completely understand it's also a form of gender expression and that a lot of transgender people start or even stay there. What I was trying to say is that the 3 first tips on the article about how to know you're trans focus on crossdressing and then the final one talks about projecting sexually as a woman, which again, I connect with crossdressing since it's my understanding that that's one of the main reasons they do this. So it was just impossible for me to relate to the article. I've never felt like putting on a dress while still looking 99% male is something I needed or was something that would validate my dysphoria, I wouldn't even dare to leave the house dressed as a girl unless I felt somewhat feminine looking without the clothes.

I think the article is very well written and can be helpful to a segment of our community but it's hard to say this can really help everyone know they're trans if the topic is so focused on one aspect.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on May 04, 2017, 11:20:56 AM
Hi Vicki,

No I wasn't trying to be dismissive or prejudiced against crossdressers, I completely understand it's also a form of gender expression and that a lot of transgender people start or even stay there. What I was trying to say is that the 3 first tips on the article about how to know you're trans focus on crossdressing and then the final one talks about projecting sexually as a woman, which again, I connect with crossdressing since it's my understanding that that's one of the main reasons they do this. So it was just impossible for me to relate to the article. I've never felt like putting on a dress while still looking 99% male is something I needed or was something that would validate my dysphoria, I wouldn't even dare to leave the house dressed as a girl unless I felt somewhat feminine looking without the clothes.

Ah, we got mixed up. I thought you meant you couldn't relate to the second article - which perplexed me as that was written with TG/TS in mind. Thanks for the clarification.

That article was aimed at those who are questioning themselves and, as I said, that invariably includes crossdressers because everyone starts out as a crossdresser (ie: no HRT or surgery). Most TS I know came to the realisation only after years of crossdressing.

It's a shame you have such a misunderstanding of crossdressers. It's an unfortunate myth that's been propagated by many in our community. Some dress for sex, yes, but it's a small minority and even then it's usually driven by gender dysphoria. The vast majority of CDs have the same urges and calling as the rest it's just that many TS have sought to gain acceptance by society by dismissing crossdressers. They don't do this to be mean but because they don't want to be tarred with the same smutty brush that TVs are.

I assure you it's not standard that ->-bleeped-<-s are happy to walk around in a dress whilst looking 99% male. Go to any trans-based site and you'll see them asking for makeup, voice and dressing advice. Many never make it out of the house - and thus stay frustrated crossdressers despite lifelong, crippling dysphoria - only because they don't get the skills to look like women. The standard ->-bleeped-<- scene is of girls trying to look like girls and they shop, go for lunch and hit the bars in the evening. And not a trace of sexual kicks.

You are your own person and you will make up your own mind but go to a trans site that allows profile descriptions and you'll see the same recurring history amongst the CDs as you do amongst the TSs. You'll also see post after post questioning themselves, pondering who they are, and whether they should transition or not. It literally is that CDs do not transition whereas TSs do. This can be because their dysphoria isn't overwhelming to the point where they need to be female all the time (genderfluid is the new name for them) or that they feel they are unable to take that step but in another life they would jump at the chance. TVs and TS are all TG.

QuoteI think the article is very well written and can be helpful to a segment of our community but it's hard to say this can really help everyone know they're trans if the topic is so focused on one aspect.

Absolutely. I never said it would help everyone. Just that pretty much everyone with dysphoria questions themselves and asks if they're TV or TS. The title should've been 'how to tell if you're transsexual' but that requires HRT/surgery so we left it as 'trans' - meaning any M2F not happy with being a part-time girl - without realising that though we know what it meant, others wouldn't. I'll try to get it changed

Apologies for such a long reply!

Thanks for the clarification Vicky, I really appreciate you taking the time to address this because I think I do connect crossdressing with the fetish side of it mostly and not with dysphoria per se so it's good to read your perspective and open up my mind about it. I will definitely read more about it.