I happened to stumble upon a transgirl's youtube video and she looked so pretty, feminine, and passable, that I started feeling terrible about my whole life, and wishing badly (more than ever) to be a girl like her.  These are the kinds of dysphoria attacks that I suffer over the years when I see certain passable transwomen and feel intensely trapped in a life I don't want (I'm not out yet.)  I intensely hate my body and everything, I would beg with every ounce of myself for a genie or someone with power to turn me into a girl. 

Make a list of your goals in life from most important to least important and put your efforts into obtaining the goals you value the most. In my case, my list would have been something like this.
1. Maintain personal integrity
2. Become Dena
3. Keep Family
4. Have an enjoyable profession.
and so on.

I was able to obtain all these goals in my life but it required a good deal of effort to do so. Of the goals, #4 may have been the easiest and #2 the most difficult. Like you, as a child I wished often but at one point in my life, I made the decision that wishing wasn't going to do it and it would only happen if I made it happen. Are you ready to make your life happen?