Before starting I must say: after reading various threads I'm amazed how kind and caring almost everyone on Susan's is - especially those who successfully transitioned to their own level of satisfaction but continue to actively help others. I hope to be able to do the same in the future once I have the experience.
I'm 53, MTF and want the appearance, mannerisms and voice to be completely comfortable as a woman. I believe a different part of my background helped me prepare for this. I was born in 1963 when mixed race wasn't as common. Interracial sex was a felony in several US states until 1967. I lived in a small redneck town in northwest Washington State (mainly logging and lumber mills) when I was 5 until college. In that environment I endured ridiculous prejudice for being half Japanese and half Welsh/British. Was beat up several times for being "Chinese" – the only other ethnic minority in the town gave up, her parents ended up driving her to a private school 20 miles away. I came home one day with ripped muddy books from a group of kids who threw me into a ditch chanting racial slurs – at that point my parents signed me up for karate with one condition: don't ever start a fight, but always finish it. The next time that was attempted I literally kicked the other person's ass. Some local parents and teachers were even worse than the kids – one friend's mother called me a liar for saying I was born in Los Angeles, I was obviously Chinese and couldn't be from this country. Not every case was malicious – people can be incredibly clueless, like a friend's grandmother who very politely complimented my ability to speak English. When I asked why, she said "you look oriental" and wondered how I could speak English without an accent. The school had a specialist give me a speech test in 1970 because they were concerned my half Japanese heritage would cause a learning disability with English – my parents were furious when they found out. No learning disability I'm aware of... went to community college at 14, entered the University of Washington at 15, turned 16 in a college dorm.
So I know firsthand how people might fail to accept others for who they are, some can be quite cruel about it, but there's a point I realized it's their loss not mine. A few years ago I hated myself for being mixed race but I now think it's awesome to have two backgrounds. Same with gender identity – I was confused about that part of myself and didn't understand why anyone would want to transition. I had clear signals about my gender identity being different when I was age 8, 10 and definitely at 14, but then completely stopped without understanding any of it until I was over 40. I didn't obsess about it - I blocked it from my mind for three decades. I am now 53 and time travel isn't available, but have access to resources that were unimaginable when I first noticed my gender didn't fit the storybook norm.
I lived female for a week in 2014 at a private kink event / campground. When I arrived home and changed back to boy mode I looked in the mirror and realized even a forced smile just wasn't the same. It dawned on me I was truly happier the other way. I also hated having to shave my chest and face every morning in a campground, waking up early so others wouldn't see. Since late teens I had full beard, or thick dark stubble even after shaving. The tsroadmap site recommends MTF consider facial hair removal first because that can take years – in hindsight that was excellent advice. I started full-body laser right after that camping trip, facial electrolysis in 2015 (and then electrolysis everywhere), grew my out and permanently styled to match my favorite wig. I haven't touched my face with a razor in a year, the few teeny remaining hairs get zapped and my skin is smoother as the roots are gone. Electrolysis isn't fun but the results are soooo worth it. I also had a bit of soft-tissue work, semi-permanent filler (Bellafill) and blepharoplasty (upper eyelids), more feminine appearance before going for FFS.
I'm lucky to have avoided the inevitable male pattern baldness at age 53 and last week found out why: hormone tests show I have one third the minimum level of progesterone for a genetic male. My testosterone is average for an 85 year old. I'm suddenly faced with decisions that are even more serious than I'd realized, but are potentially wonderful. After reading that lab report meant I immediately contacted a gender therapist, my first appointment is next week.
So I've been on this path for a while but I am a newbie. I am almost compete on facial/body hair removal (without HRT) and glad to share the experience I have, but for everything else I will be getting advice from medical professionals, Susan's Place, close friends, and from within.
Kendra
