Hi all!

So those of you who have been giving me the support that I need lately have seen my struggles of being an outwardly "man" who is coming around to the yearning that I'm a girl.

I was in the gym tonight and on the treadmill and Umbrella by Rihanna was on.

In the past before my eyes were opened, I just used to watch it as and seemingly cis and "hetero" guy would ie with my mouth wide open but tonight, I saw it very differently.

Tonight, I was watching her and those long smooth legs and thinking "god, that's the girl I'd like to be" and I can't be more happier!

Now don't get me wrong, I know I'm a million miles off ever being as sexy and feminine as Rihanna but just knowing that I want to ben be a girl, and like her, makes me feel so happy!

Did anyone else in the early days of transition feel that way ever seeing another woman? Is it normal to have that sort of feeling at all?


Gah so confused. 

Yes but just for my whole life. 

It was always confusing seeing a pretty woman I felt attracted to but also feeling so jealous of her body and sad for my own situation.

Guess I'm a bit more of an "in the moment" type, assuming it's a private space, I'll sing along, move to the music a bit, like men aren't allowed to do with songs sung by female leads and just enjoy a private moment of femininity. Occasionally I do see a woman and think like that's what I want to look like too though. I guess it's down to how easily you can forget what you currently look like and the baggage that comes with that.

All my life I've looked at pretty women and lusted for them while also being envious of how the look, what they're wearing, and how I wish I looked like them. Like Daniellekai, I also  enjoy singing the female songs or parts and practicing my voice with them.


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Quote from: Balerie on May 15, 2017, 07:53:40 PM
All my life I've looked at pretty women and lusted for them while also being envious of how the look, what they're wearing, and how I wish I looked like them. Like Daniellekai, I also  enjoy singing the female songs or parts and practicing my voice with them.


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My god, I thought was the only one who liked to sing the woman's parts! I always have even as a kid, I love at the moment singing any of MIA'S songs especially "Bad Girls" - and I really give it my all, trying to be her!

 Hi,

  I have pretty much always been envious of girls and women wishing I was able to be one of then and do the things they are able to do by virtue of their gender. I'm so happy that I am beginning to be able to do some of them. Others of course will forever be lost to me and that makes me sad. I think I would have loved growing up as a girl. Alas by fate of birth I missed it all.

  By the by    reallynotsure83 have you ever given us a preferred name you wish to be called? Perhaps I missed it.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: Laurie on May 16, 2017, 01:15:10 PM
Hi,

  I have pretty much always been envious of girls and women wishing I was able to be one of then and do the things they are able to do by virtue of their gender. I'm so happy that I am beginning to be able to do some of them. Others of course will forever be lost to me and that makes me sad. I think I would have loved growing up as a girl. Alas by fate of birth I missed it all.

  By the by    reallynotsure83 have you ever given us a preferred name you wish to be called? Perhaps I missed it.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Hey Laurie,

I know what you mean - I wish I could have realised when I had the most discernible thoughts at age 16/17 and began transition then and enjoyed being a teenager/young adult as a woman. I know it's good to start realising now but still...

Don't worry, you didn't miss it - truth be told, I'm really not sure what I'd like to go by. I don't know whether to go by a sort of feminised version of my current name or something else - possibly a name inspired by my middle name. I wonder how others pick?

Hugs

Quote from: reallynotsure83 on May 16, 2017, 02:52:09 PM
Hey Laurie,

I know what you mean - I wish I could have realised when I had the most discernible thoughts at age 16/17 and began transition then and enjoyed being a teenager/young adult as a woman. I know it's good to start realising now but still...

Don't worry, you didn't miss it - truth be told, I'm really not sure what I'd like to go by. I don't know whether to go by a sort of feminised version of my current name or something else - possibly a name inspired by my middle name. I wonder how others pick?

Hugs

  Hi it's me again,
 
Names... How we chose one runs the gambit and comes dow to whatever floats your boat. I started here as Jeanette, a name I was comfortable with and still plan to keep as a middle name. I had used it for all kinds of online purposes, from a game username, a game's avatar, even some online naughty chat sessions posing a a younger but legal aged girl with naughty men. (blush). Jeanette was chosen for a high school crush I had. One of the girlfriends I lost for not being an aggressive boy. Anyway as I said I started here as Jeanette but then got to thinking that I would like to keep my given initials ( You know like for real, legally, somewhere down this road, as if I am really going to do this thing. OMG  I still scare myself with the reality of what I am doing.) So i needed to come up with a nae starting with an "L". I toyed with Laura (I knew one if those too) but eventually settled on Laurie because I liked it also, it was less formal than Laure, and it sounds more fun.

  What ever name you chose make it one you like even if it is only a user name for use on the forums.

  Hugs,
    Laurie

Quote from: reallynotsure83 on May 16, 2017, 02:52:09 PMI don't know whether to go by a sort of feminised version of my current name or something else - possibly a name inspired by my middle name. I wonder how others pick?

There are a few threads around here on picking names.  One, I think was just recent.

I picked my screen name as one that sounded like my boy names.  I figured it would do until I decided on a better one.  My wife kept up a long stream of name suggestions, but none of them sounded like me.  I finally realized that I had grown to like Kathy Lauren.  It is me.  So I filed my name change application last week as "Kathleen Lauren <last name>".

Envy has always been the situation for me. When I was little, I would look at women and girls and wish to the moon and back I was her. For example Molly Ringwald, Tiffany Amber Theissen, Jennifer Connelly, Alyssa Milano, Mia Sara, etc.

Now it's moved on to women like Mariska Hargitay, Audrey Hepburn, Carole Landis, and maybe a few younger girls. Lily Rose Depp for example.

I sit back and dream of being one of these women. Sometimes it's just a good thought, other times it's heart breaking.

As a man I'm fairly attractive. As a woman I'm hideous. So a lot of the time I try to ignore the beauty around me.

Quote from: Laurie on May 16, 2017, 03:18:17 PM
  Hi it's me again,
 
Names... How we chose one runs the gambit and comes dow to whatever floats your boat. I started here as Jeanette, a name I was comfortable with and still plan to keep as a middle name. I had used it for all kinds of online purposes, from a game username, a game's avatar, even some online naughty chat sessions posing a a younger but legal aged girl with naughty men. (blush). Jeanette was chosen for a high school crush I had. One of the girlfriends I lost for not being an aggressive boy. Anyway as I said I started here as Jeanette but then got to thinking that I would like to keep my given initials ( You know like for real, legally, somewhere down this road, as if I am really going to do this thing. OMG  I still scare myself with the reality of what I am doing.) So i needed to come up with a nae starting with an "L". I toyed with Laura (I knew one if those too) but eventually settled on Laurie because I liked it also, it was less formal than Laure, and it sounds more fun.

  What ever name you chose make it one you like even if it is only a user name for use on the forums.

  Hugs,
    Laurie

Hello again,

You've picked some pretty names there. I like the suggestion of going along the lines of my initials/existing names. So if I stick with something like my first name I have a few possibilities - Adele, Amanda, Adeline, Adina or my middle name (which is technically my mum's last name) then I could be Ellie!

Thank you so much again.

Hugs. Xx

Quote from: KathyLauren on May 16, 2017, 03:43:57 PM
There are a few threads around here on picking names.  One, I think was just recent.

I picked my screen name as one that sounded like my boy names.  I figured it would do until I decided on a better one.  My wife kept up a long stream of name suggestions, but none of them sounded like me.  I finally realized that I had grown to like Kathy Lauren.  It is me.  So I filed my name change application last week as "Kathleen Lauren <last name>".

Kathleen Lauren is cute, suits you. 

Quote from: Jennifer RachaelAnn on May 16, 2017, 04:07:26 PM
Envy has always been the situation for me. When I was little, I would look at women and girls and wish to the moon and back I was her. For example Molly Ringwald, Tiffany Amber Theissen, Jennifer Connelly, Alyssa Milano, Mia Sara, etc.

Now it's moved on to women like Mariska Hargitay, Audrey Hepburn, Carole Landis, and maybe a few younger girls. Lily Rose Depp for example.

I sit back and dream of being one of these women. Sometimes it's just a good thought, other times it's heart breaking.

As a man I'm fairly attractive. As a woman I'm hideous. So a lot of the time I try to ignore the beauty around me.

That's my dilemma too, as a guy I am seen as manly, rugged and definitely attractive but in reverse I'd be a pretty hairy woman at this stage with a shaven head.