Its official... this is definitely more than just a case of PCOS making me feel unfeminine.  (Sometimes, I still use this to say well maybe this isn't a gender identity issue.  Maybe PCOS is just making me feel like crap again...  Gotta love denial)  Dysphoria hit me harder than ever today.

For some reason, pronouns don't make me too dysphoric, probably because I haven't settled on what pronouns to use, I don't know. (I'm still in the phase where new pronouns scare the hell out of me, I've never been good with change)  But tonight, my 2 yr old daughter was shaking her head no to EVERYTHING, so we were playing this game where we ask her questions where the questions should be obvious.  'Is that your daddy.  Is that your mom... Is your brother asleep?' etc... trying to see if she'd say yes to any of them.

My husband, who I have come out to about this, asked her 'Is Mama a girl?'  She shook her head, but my husband corrected her and said, 'Yeeeeesss.' No doubt in his mind.

I'm trying to be patient with him, and trying to help him understand, but when I though we made progress, it always seems to be that he'll take a step back.  I'm still looking for a therapist (which is proving rather difficult since my phone is broken and hubs is at work till well after closing time) and hopefully somehow they can help me try and teach my husband what this is...

Until then dysphoria is a pain in the hindquarters and I have NO clue what to tell him about how it makes me feel.

The unfortunate case of a CIS person never understanding what it feels like to have dysphoria. Those of us on the site often can spot dysphoria in somebody else with only a few word but thousands may still not convey what we to somebody who has never experienced it. You could ask him how he would feel if he had to put makeup on and dress in feminine clothes before going out into the word but I suspect the true message still wouldn't get through. You could also ask how he would feel if he couldn't do is favorite masculine activities but instead had to do the equivalent feminine activities. About the closest a CIS person ever gets to this is if they have a job or a family member they really can't stand but they can't eliminate from their life. Time and determination sometimes makes it clear to another but even my mother who first knew about this around 40 years ago still doesn't understand. Good luck in your quest.

Inserting my comments within your quote for my own sanity (or what's left of it hahaha... kids completely ruined that)

Quote from: Dena on May 28, 2017, 01:23:00 AM
The unfortunate case of a CIS person never understanding what it feels like to have dysphoria. Those of us on the site often can spot dysphoria in somebody else with only a few word but thousands may still not convey what we to somebody who has never experienced it.
Truer words were never spoken... I just had a breakdown in the bathroom because of the whole situation, which COMPLETELY threw him for a loop.  No matter how many ways I tried to explain it, he's not gripping it.  But he did apologize and said he should have thought before asking that.
You could ask him how he would feel if he had to put makeup on and dress in feminine clothes before going out into the word but I suspect the true message still wouldn't get through. You could also ask how he would feel if he couldn't do is favorite masculine activities but instead had to do the equivalent feminine activities.okay just thinking about that for myself made me shudder... Hate hate hate hate dresses.  And please lemme do sports! About the closest a CIS person ever gets to this is if they have a job or a family member they really can't stand but they can't eliminate from their life. Time and determination sometimes makes it clear to another but even my mother who first knew about this around 40 years ago still doesn't understand. Good luck in your quest. And thanks, I need all the luck I can get right now... this whole journey is scary!!!!  Sometimes, I wonder why I didn't know about this sooner... I know a lot of people here have waited a lot longer, but figuring myself out at 28 just seems like I waited so long.

Quote from: Rowena_Ellenweorc on May 27, 2017, 11:52:05 PM
I'm trying to be patient with him, and trying to help him understand, but when I though we made progress, it always seems to be that he'll take a step back...

Until then dysphoria is a pain in the hindquarters and I have NO clue what to tell him about how it makes me feel.

The Truth?

Like Dena said, we all spent the better part of our life just trying to get a handle on the GD. One firm enough to actually tell another living being, such as an SO. They have, in comparison, a few milli-Seconds to process the dropping of the T-Bomb. Even for my wife, gf, BFF, and reality therapist of almost 40 years that knew of my "Gender Issues" from nearly Day 1, took time to process me going from a somewhat safe "Just a CD" to "What the hell is my future going to be like now?  If only I knew back when my life would not have been wasted." and the list can go on.

On the flip side is now that I told someone, the Earth did not open up and swallow me; A bolt of lightning did not vaporize me; That asteroid did not land squarely on head; and.... the person I told did not run off screaming into the darkness; some people then adopt the that step is over, now full speed ahead. Not a wise approach, even when that other person may say "I'm cool with it".

Entwined lives involve a lot more compromise then every day life in general. The needs and wants of each party, and of "The Us" all need to be balanced as best as possible. Having two "Us's" in one is an even bigger challenge. Lots of honest open and especially difficult emotionally charge discussions are sometimes needed, and Time. Being able to hear the message within the emotionally charged unfiltered words can be difficult. BTW-"I don't know" is always a valid answer, especially if there is doubt.

Relationships take a lot of work. Work that both parties have to be willing to undertake for the perceived benefits of the partnership.