This is something I did not think I would have to deal with, and I'm not ready for it. I'm not out full time and my little A cups keep growing. Now I'm moving into large A cup mode, and I had zero expectations that HRT would do that. So, just wearing a regular t-shirt I'm poking out. Of course I love this, but I'm not ready for it. Perhaps I'm being unrealistic, but my goal has been to reveal myself when I feel I'm at my best. I think I need another year of HRT and some facial changes, but HRT is moving much faster than I thought. My butt is much bigger, thighs are wider, and my little breasts are getting big. All of this is exciting to me, but, I'm not ready!! Thinking of stopping HRT until I get other issues addressed, like facial hair legacy. I don't have blue beard or anything like that, but, enough to to seek laser or other options. I just feel uneven. **sighs**

Hi Sinclair,

We're in the same boat apparently. Me, after 4 months of HRT, I decently fill a B cup and they're now pointy. I love to see and feel them when wearing a simple T-shirt but I'm quite far from being ready to explicitly coming out publicly. I feel that I am still a good 12 months away from that moment. And the problem is that "they" keep growing. Still, I would really like to avoid stopping HRT, not just because of the physical stall it would provoke, but especially because since I started I never felt the bouts of depression and anxiety I used to anymore. Those days were so dark... I don't want to go there again. On the other hand, I've somewhat gave up on being totally stealth at work or in public about "something" going on with me. I mean... You look at my face and couldn't help but notice there's "something". At 45, I have almost no beard anymore... My skin is smoother than that of many cis-women... My brows are feminine... My hair is growing... I shave my arms... So I know that people have noticed. You'd have to be blind to not notice. I'm sure the fact of me being trans already crossed some people's mind. It would cross my mind if I was in their place. So I decided that for now I would try to maintain this status quo as long as feasible. For the breasts, I use a T-shirt under my scrub (I'm an ED physician) and the scrub itself is large enough to not stick to my chest, so my budding breasts are not so readily seen... Sometimes discomfortably warm and weird during the hot months, but good things in life come at a price. 😉 When this begins feeling insufficient, I'll look into compressive wear (the ones used by our FtM brothers-in-arms)... And when this won't be enough... Well... I hope to be ready for dropping the T-bomb publicly because I won't have much of a choice. 😅
Wish you much wisdom in the management of this delicate matter!
Hugs, Sarah

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Our trans brothers on this site can definitely help you figure out some effective binding methods if hiding your breasts is what you're after (please be safe when doing this! it's very important to bind in a safe way, and from what I understand, many pre-fab binders for sale are not especially good for you, more here: https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/chest-binding-health-project-inside-landmark-overdue-transgender-study). Extra weight on the hips and butt can be masked with bigger / baggier clothes, to an extent.

However. I do think that this feeling "uneven"--a genius word that I think describes this feeling so perfectly as someone who is full-time, pre-HRT and scruffy almost all the time for electrolysis prep--is somewhat inevitable. And there is a sense in which delaying social transition may just make you feel more "uneven" if you go to socially transition after having physically transitioned a great deal.

Don't get me wrong, I think that if you are feeling that you need to pump the breaks in order to get ready for these big changes happening to your body, then you should do that (in consultation with your doc to go off safely). You have your whole life to become & be who you want to be.

However, if you want to stop because you you think you will be able to arrange the elements of your transition perfectly so that they culminate in one beautiful moment where you flip the switch and go from passing as a man one day to passing as a woman the next, I think you will be disappointed in the end that you let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Your goal to transition under the radar until you feel that you're "at your best" is, as you admit, a little unrealistic.

For one, practice makes perfect with things like dress sense, makeup, gestures, mannerisms, voice, etc. You can certainly practice in private as well, but there is no substitute for real life experience in some of these things--especially in boosting your confidence.

#2, Starting to socially transition also gives friends, family, partners, etc. time to get used to the idea of your transition & an opportunity to support you through the physical & mental changes you'll go through. You can imagine that revealing to a close friend or family member not only that you're trans, but that you have in fact taken all of the steps to physically transition already and your body has been slowly changing right under their noses... that might cause people to freak out a little bit, especially if they are not used to the idea of your being trans in the first place. Even supportive people might feel sad that they missed out on the opportunity to support you & experience this process with you.

#3, Hiding your transition from everyone around you until you have completed hair removal, HRT & other physical changes--sounds like you are thinking about FFS to me--would be a secret agent-level feat. Not to mention the huge amount of stress this would put on you.

Now I will admit that my tolerance for unevenness is pretty high, so that's my bias. I am thick-skinned and impatient to get my transition firing on all cylinders, so I would basically only stop for a medical reason. I am also privileged to have a job, family and friends I was pretty sure would accept my transition and support me through it. The fact that I don't pass that well right now exposes me to real risks, and I can't deny that. But I am also already seeing huge benefits from my social transition, including a lot less depression, anxiety and stress.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Big hugs!

PS - This thread  seems pretty relevant and I am seeing a lot of great advice there, too - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,224122.0/topicseen.html

When I started HRT, it was with a pretty clear idea that the changes could start to be noticeable in 2-3 months.  That suited me fine, because I was on a fast track and planned on going full time in 3-4 months. 

The pressure of what to do about the boobs helped me get through the fear of coming out publicly.  After a month of going to the weekly fire department practise wearing a heavy flannel shirt because I could no longer get away with wearing a T-shirt, I knew that, fear or not, it was time.

I started laser on my face last fall, and electrolysis early this year.  But the reality is that I have to go into town once a week as a bearded lady for my electrolysis appointment.  Other trans women and even quite a few cis women have done it and survived.  After the laser sessions, most of my remaining beard is white, so it is not noticeable from a distance.

There is no chance of hiding my transition.  Everybody in my community knows.  People in the nearby towns can probably guess, since I do not pass terribly well.  I make no effort to be stealth, but I look okay.  In the words of Popeye, "I yam what I yam."

One of the nicest things about being full-time is not having to hide who I am.  I hid my true self for 62 years.  I am done hiding.  I could not have handled hiding myself for another year or two while HRT did its magic.  The effort would have killed me.

4 months of being on decent level of estrogen and my boobs are bigger now then when I was a chunky monkey years  prior to HRT and transition. Very impressed with results.

Wow .. thank you all for the great advice and I'm glad to see some have experienced similar situations and feelings. To P, yes, I was hoping to time everything for a final "wow" reveal. The binder info is helpful, and I think I need to get on the facial hair ASAP. Trying to get all these changes to sync can be a challenge. I was just surprised how fast HRT changed many physical aspects. So, moving forward, I won't stop HRT but may slow it a bit and try and get the hair issue done. I've been reading about it here and just dreading the laser, etc., process. I think in the back of my mind I was hoping HRT would magically solve facial hair issues. HRT can help, but not solve it. Again, thank you all for such helpful advice. 

Just be yourself! I used to have a lower back tattoo when I first came out. It was the trans symbol invaded with "never be afraid to just be yourself" (it's now been half ass covered and looks eh) so yes just be yourself. I remembered going to college while on hrt for a few months and when I went down the stairs fast one day, I felt the jiggle and was like oooooooh they are there!!! Lol keep it up sister!

Sports bras!  More specifically, compression sports bras.  I started wearing them three months in and you could hardly notice them under my scrubs with a t shirt layered under my scrub top and over the bra.  Smoothed out and protected from bumps while they are tender and budding. 

I didn't want to go fulltime until I had all my facial hair removed and my body changed some more.  At 9 months in I did it.  I still have to shave daily and am not close to being done with laser and electrolysis.  I just got tired of hiding my transition.  I got tired of hiding my larger butt and thighs and boobs and living a secret life.  I was scared to go fulltime but I got to the point that I realized screw it, I am trans and if I look like I'm trans so be it.  I am trans.  I look trans.  I'm OK with that.  I think if I had kept waiting until i looked how i wanted (who looks exactly like they want in this world?) I never would come out.  And most people don't seem to care, they are too obsessed with themselves.

Amen to that last sentence "too busy worrying about themselves" lol spot on in this day and age and I never thought about sports bras and a tshirt under your work clothes to hide them. Good idea

Quote from: VickyJones89 on May 27, 2017, 08:47:25 PM
Amen to that last sentence "too busy worrying about themselves" lol spot on in this day and age and I never thought about sports bras and a tshirt under your work clothes to hide them. Good idea

Quote from: Sinclair on May 27, 2017, 08:20:24 PMI think in the back of my mind I was hoping HRT would magically solve facial hair issues.

While HRT helps to make a 5 o'clock shadow less noticeable, it won't make it go away entirely.  In fact, slowing down facial hair growth is not necessarily a good thing.  I have to grow mine out for three days before each electrolysis appointment.  But, as it slows down, it is getting harder for her to grasp each hair and pluck it.  I am dreading having her tell me that I'll need to grow it out for four days.

I wear tank tops, racer backs or plain (not lace) camis designed for working women. They have a bit of spandex or lycra in them so they tend to feel a bit tight and somewhat prevent the projection and obvious jiggle. My favorite is the no-yank tanks and cam is sold by Duluth Trading Post. I like them because they are designed a bit longer so as not to come untucked. I can wear it under a T-shirt (I'm and L but I wear an XL) and no one seems to notice. Eddie Bauer has some Tall tanks which I also wear. They're also a really comfortable alternative to bras for support of small boobs.

http://women.duluthtrading.com/store/womens/womens-underwear/undershirt-tops/undershirt-tops.aspx

I'm in a similar boat in that I'm not socially transitioned but am on HRT (4.5 months). I will say I had gyno all my life so having to hide boobs is something I'm used to. I'm a full B.

I am waiting for the doctor to get back to me concerning the start of my hrt, all this talk of boobs, big bums and thighs is making me yearn, it's obvious you have genuine concerns but it also sounds like congratulations are in order for some pretty positive physical changes, I hope things work out ok for you.

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That's the hell of it. It all takes so much time. When I dreampt of being a woman, I was always abducted and given a shot that would instantly transform me. This is real life and it does not work that way.

Quote from: DawnOday on May 28, 2017, 02:32:00 PM
That's the hell of it. It all takes so much time. When I dreampt of being a woman, I was always abducted and given a shot that would instantly transform me. This is real life and it does not work that way.

That instant shot sounds pretty good to me, not so sure about the abduction though, how far along are you?

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QuoteWhen I dreampt of being a woman, I was always abducted and given a shot that would instantly transform me. This is real life and it does not work that way.

Taylor
I have been on E for 9 1/2 months. I have taken to wearing a sports bra to keep the puppy's in the yard. All winter it worked because I could wear sweatshirts and other illusionary garments. Now with summer arriving, I still want long sleeves as I am on blood thinners and my arms are full of scars and bruises. I can barely bump into a wall without getting a welt. But the clothes I wear now have to be somewhat cooler than a sweatshirt.  You haven't heard the best of it yet. I often dreamed of being a Wonder Woman type character. In my dreams I have saved so many kitty's and puppies. I have probably been married at least 100 times.

Sorry to hear about the bruising, sounds like hard going, your dreams sound very entertaining, are we talking actual dreams or daydreaming.

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I'm used to the bruising by now. It is just kind of disheartening when everything heals and boom. It starts all over again. Actual dreams. The dreams were pretty consistent and frequent.  As to daydreams, that's usually about food. My job always required my constant attention so it was rare to daydream.