For the last four months I have been working as an executive assistant. I knew going in that it was a temporary position. I was filling in for someone who had a baby.  My boyfriend does not want me to find another job. He says I don't need to work and that he likes for me to be home when he is home. From the time I was 21-23 I worked as a stripper. (Please do not judge me. It involved no actual nudity or sex.) Lucas usually works night shift I thought if I stripped again it would be perfect since I would be working when he was and be home when he was. He knows I stripped before we met. But when I told him I was going to start doing it again he had an absolute melt down. I explained I would be working at a high end club, that there was no nudity involved (obviously) and that I could  make nearly as much as he does in less than half the time.But he didn't care about any of that. He said he didn't want other guys looking at me " that way". I reminded him I had stripped before but he said he didn't care what I did before I met him, I wasn't doing it now and to just forget it and that he didn't want to hear anymore about it. When I tried to say more he told me he forbids me to strip ever again and that that was all he had to say on the subject. (Yes, he said forbid.  He actually went there!)

What I want to ask is would you have a problem with your significant other stripping? I think Lucas is being narrow minded and pig headed but I would like to hear others opinions on the subject.

Would I have a problem with it? Maybe

Would I ever contemplate forbidding my significant other to do it? No

I think it's important to sit down and understand the root of the issue. I don't think it's reasonable that he's trying to impose what sounds like his own insecurities onto you. It's not a reasonable demand (no demand is really reasonable) but it's fair to try and understand what specifically bothers him about it and what he thinks is going to happen.

I think maybe i agree with Lucas. I am just thinking how my husband would react to me saying this lol he'd go crazy. I don't think it matters if it was a high end club or not i just think, that idea inside a mans mind goes straight to them thinking 'all of these men are going to be looking at my girl in a sexual way' and that is where it upsets them and tbh i think rightfully so. On the other hand if you really need to make money then i understand that part as well but is there any other way to make it in another job? Probably not as easy or fast hey. Now if i wasn't married and you weren't with Lucas I'd say yeah go for it girl but i think it's a respect thing, like if you look at things from Lucas'perspective he is just being the average guy who cares about his woman and wants his woman all to himself and im not sure about the strip clubs where you r from but here in Australia they're pretty seedy. In all honesty if Lucas came to you and said he was going to start stripping would you agree with that decision or not? (You're gonna say yes aren't you?)

If my husband came to me and said he was going to start stripping first i'd say "what with those 2 left feet and stiff dance moves?" and then i'd probs laugh hysterically.

I think i'd be concerned if Lucas didn't react that way tbh except for the word "forbid" lol he really actually did go there

One question- when you last stripped were you in a relationship and if so was it difficult to maintain? And do you think a relationship can withstand one of the partners working in that sector?

hugs x

Hi Cimara,

For my wife and me it is a mute question with both of us being rather mature in years..... but;

I would have some problems if my wife wanted to work in a strip club and she would have the same problems if I wanted the same thing. But if either of us felt the need to use the "forbid" term we would see it as a clear message that we had problems that needed to be worked through. We would need to understand what are the drivers that brought up such a strong response and how can we get more open and complete communication so that such things don't arise more often. This does not mean that he needs to let you strip or that you need to follow his dominance by submission, it just means that the two of you need to be on the same page. IMHO Good luck! - Anne

Quote from: bubbles21 on May 31, 2017, 11:59:26 AM
I think maybe i agree with Lucas. I am just thinking how my husband would react to me saying this lol he'd go crazy. I don't think it matters if it was a high end club or not i just think, that idea inside a mans mind goes straight to them thinking 'all of these men are going to be looking at my girl in a sexual way' and that is where it upsets them and tbh i think rightfully so. On the other hand if you really need to make money then i understand that part as well but is there any other way to make it in another job? Probably not as easy or fast hey. Now if i wasn't married and you weren't with Lucas I'd say yeah go for it girl but i think it's a respect thing, like if you look at things from Lucas'perspective he is just being the average guy who cares about his woman and wants his woman all to himself and im not sure about the strip clubs where you r from but here in Australia they're pretty seedy. In all honesty if Lucas came to you and said he was going to start stripping would you agree with that decision or not? (You're gonna say yes aren't you?)

If my husband came to me and said he was going to start stripping first i'd say "what with those 2 left feet and stiff dance moves?" and then i'd probs laugh hysterically.

I think i'd be concerned if Lucas didn't react that way tbh except for the word "forbid" lol he really actually did go there

One question- when you last stripped were you in a relationship and if so was it difficult to maintain? And do you think a relationship can withstand one of the partners working in that sector?

hugs x

Hi Bubbles. To be honest no I don't need money. Lucas makes very good money so no I do not Have to work. But extra money is always nice. Strange you asked if I would be uncomfortable if Lucas started stripping. He actually considered stripping briefly at one point. While he definitely has the body for it he didn't think he could do it because when males strip it is customary to stuff money down their jock. Lucas didnt think his packer would pass that kind of hands on scrutiny.  When I reminded him that once upon a time he had considered stripping himself, he said he was a guy and it was a whole different thing. I don't see how it would be so different. Would I mind if he did start stripping. To be honest I would not care much for the fact other women would be touching him. But at the same time I would not tell him he could not.

No, I was not in a relationship when I stripped before. Casual dating but not a serious relationship.

Hi Cimara. Lucas knows damn well just because he's a guy it is no different than if you were to go stripping. What kind of bs is that lol TRIED IT! I asked about relationships while stripping because honestly it's not the worst i have heard, i mean I have heard of guys being ok with their gf's doing sex work and that baffles me. Like the other ppl have said, to have that kind of reaction and say ''i forbid'' may or may not mean something else needs to be addressed. 

The money is good and legal . I worked over night at a grocery store in downtown Chicago and we had strippers come in all the rime , very nice people

uuuuuuuuuuh

Okay, I can relate that it's probably kind of a strange situation if your S/O wants to be a stripper and I can see why your boyfriend is reacting poorly to it. I mean, even with your caveat that no nudity or sex happens, it still is a profession that is sexually connotated and thereby skirts the edges of monogamy.

HOWEVER.

I fully agree with you that FORBIDDING you something is a huge breech of trust, especially after you directly asked him for his input. Discomfort can be brought up in a better way, and I hope your BF gets his act together and you two are able to talk about each others' feelings in the matter in a constructive way and find a solution that doesn't include anybody acting like a sitcom character.

Personally, to answer your direct question: While I'd expect my S/O to be honest with me about something like this, I'd be completely okay with whatever decision she'd go with in that regard and don't even feel like I'm particularly entitled to having a say in the matter. There's just this layer of dishonesty in this society where pretty much everybody, in one way or another, "uses" sex workers (sorry, not sure what the appropriate wording would be), but at the same time they are treated as icky outcasts, and that's just prudish, possessive and slightly creepy.

Then again, I'm a sad loner so what do I know.

Oh, and regarding this part:

QuotePlease do not judge me. It involved no actual nudity or sex.

Who cares? Even if it did, why would that give anybody the right to judge you?!

-- Caro

Sex workers?? Ok, I am NOT a sex worker. A sex worker is a prostitute or an escort. I am neither. I WAS a stripper and might do it again. The word is stripper or if you prefer exotic dancer. Not sex worker.

Hey, no offense intended! Like I said, you can do what I want and I understand you are neither nude nor performing sex acts. I did not mean to imply any slight against you, and from the usage I've been exposed to "sex worker" does not mean "prostitute" or "escort" either. If you are uncomfortable with that term, though, I'll drop it.

-- Caro

  Hi Alexandria,

   The only comment I can make is in regards to your boyfriends behavior. If he persists in such an attitude he is going to loose you.
   I was that controlling, domineering, demanding, selfish, insecure individual with my ex wife. I lived in fear of losing her and did everything I could to keep her from becoming independent and keep her in the home. I loved her wholeheartedly and in the end everything I did to keep her just drove her away. Once her last obstacle was resolved I was escorted from my home by the police. In all honesty (though I feel some of her tactics were dirty pool) it was the best thing she could have done for herself at the time. I was devastated.
  If you're boyfriend wants to be with you, he needs to understand he is his own worst enemy.

   Wishing you the best Alexandria,

Hugs,
   Laurie.

There is a lot going on in your boyfriend's response and you have the best insight here. The idea of forbidding someone is probably not the best way to handle the issue. Maybe he is controlling or maybe there are trust concerns. Someone else might have self esteem issues and believe that they will lose you. The list of possibilities is almost endless and chances are you can find out by talking about it.

You mentioned that you don't really need to earn a lot so why not take advantage of the time to explore what you want to move toward down the road and find volunteering or work that leads to what you want to do in the long term. If working in clubs or stripping is what you want to do then that is perfectly fine too. Basically, time flies and while the pressure is off move in the direction you want. Transitions happen (even in employment and careers   )

Well I have conflicting views here. On one hand, I can see Lucas' view and do actually agree with him. On the other I agree with you that "forbid" was him treating you like his personal property. Unless you are in an open or S&M type relationship he doesn't have anywhere near the right to forbid much of anything.

As for how I agree with him, in my situation if my wife wanted to start stripping, that would be the end of our relationship. I've been told in the past I'm TOO monogamous, but I don't feel that's a bad thing.

The way I see it, your body is yours to do with whatever you want. But, even non nude, I don't feel it's right to flaunt it in front of other people. G-string's and pasties I'm assuming? That's close enough to cheating in my book. And it seems, it's close enough in his too.

Quote from: Cimara on May 31, 2017, 11:18:20 AM
"(Yes, he said forbid.  He actually went there!)"

Maybe/Possibly anyone in this situation should have money of their own

I've (repeatedly) had (female BlueEyedBlonde) S.O.s
who were (therapeutic) massage therapists ~
I heard stories from them about "unprofessional" clients that
would (imo) compare with experiences strippers might have ...
SO, I could have a S.O. who stripped ...

In the BayArea ... strippers, webcam models (and the like)
are usually considered "sex workers" ... in "sex worker" circles ...

Hey everyone. I'm Lucas.  Cimara is my gf. We don't usually comment on each others posts on here but since this one is kinda making me look like a douche, yeah I'm gonna comment. First thing, I should never have told her I forbid her. I've never said that before. I was just mad and upset. I never told Cimara she couldn't work.  I said I didn't want her to work. But not cause I want to be controlling or keep her chained to the house. I work nights and the type of work she does is daytime hours. When we are both working I hardly get to spend any time with her. That's the only reason I don't want her to work. About her stripping. No doubt she could make a lot of money stripping but she doesn't need to worry about making money. Even if she did she could do it without stripping. She has a degree for god sake. Part of the problem is that she isn't American. She's Swedish. Sweden has a more relaxed outlook on sex in general. I don't think she totally understands that most Americans look down on strippers and group them with prostitutes.  To her stripping is just a way to make easy money.  And yeah it TOTALLY bothers me thinking about a bunch of guys with hardons  drooling over her. I've been to strip clubs with my friends.  I know the crap they say about strippers and the crap they want to do with them. Thinking about a bunch of dudes saying that ->-bleeped-<- about my girlfriend makes my skin crawl. Am I insecure?  Hell yes I am! I can admit it. I got curious about Cimara's ex so I looked him up on Facebook. The dude is twice as jacked as me, way more handsome than me and he's 6'4. Going from him to me was a big step down for her. If she starts stripping she's gonna be in contact with all kinds of guys. I keep thinking what if some big, hot dude who doesn't keep his dick in his sock drawer gets interested in her? Maybe she's gonna think.....what am I doing with that dickless loser when I could have this....I can kill myself in the gym and have a million bucks worth of surgery but I'm never going to have a real normally functioning dick.  I won't ever be able to compete with a cis dude. And before someone asks no Cimara has never given me reasons to feel insecure. But I do anyway. Just wanted to give you guys my view on this.
Lucas

Quote from: Transdude on June 01, 2017, 10:46:27 AM
Hey everyone. I'm Lucas.  Cimara is my gf. We don't usually comment on each others posts on here but since this one is kinda making me look like a douche, yeah I'm gonna comment. First thing, I should never have told her I forbid her. I've never said that before. I was just mad and upset. I never told Cimara she couldn't work.  I said I didn't want her to work. But not cause I want to be controlling or keep her chained to the house. I work nights and the type of work she does is daytime hours. When we are both working I hardly get to spend any time with her. That's the only reason I don't want her to work. About her stripping. No doubt she could make a lot of money stripping but she doesn't need to worry about making money. Even if she did she could do it without stripping. She has a degree for god sake. Part of the problem is that she isn't American. She's Swedish. Sweden has a more relaxed outlook on sex in general. I don't think she totally understands that most Americans look down on strippers and group them with prostitutes.  To her stripping is just a way to make easy money.  And yeah it TOTALLY bothers me thinking about a bunch of guys with hardons  drooling over her. I've been to strip clubs with my friends.  I know the crap they say about strippers and the crap they want to do with them. Thinking about a bunch of dudes saying that ->-bleeped-<- about my girlfriend makes my skin crawl. Am I insecure?  Hell yes I am! I can admit it. I got curious about Cimara's ex so I looked him up on Facebook. The dude is twice as jacked as me, way more handsome than me and he's 6'4. Going from him to me was a big step down for her. If she starts stripping she's gonna be in contact with all kinds of guys. I keep thinking what if some big, hot dude who doesn't keep his dick in his sock drawer gets interested in her? Maybe she's gonna think.....what am I doing with that dickless loser when I could have this....I can kill myself in the gym and have a million bucks worth of surgery but I'm never going to have a real normally functioning dick.  I won't ever be able to compete with a cis dude. And before someone asks no Cimara has never given me reasons to feel insecure. But I do anyway. Just wanted to give you guys my view on this.
Lucas

Lucas, don't do that to yourself. If you constantly compare yourself to other guys, especially meatheads, you're never gonna accept yourself. Take pride. Be happy you found a woman who loves you for who you are. If you really hate your body that much, go for a run. Pick up a 15 pound barbell. Yeah it's virtually impossible to look like John Cena, but that doesn't mean that she's gonna run after the first guy that looks at her. I understand being insecure about your girlfriend. I have been insecure about relationships since I had my first girlfriend in 4th grade. Why? Because until I met my wife I had never had a girlfriend of any kind that was faithful. So for that and other reasons, I didn't trust cis women for a long time.

You said she's Swedish? Yes I know Europeans have a much more open and relaxed stance on sex than Americans do. One thing is that it's mostly a religious thing, here. There are a number of religions that more or less ban any kind of sexual activity. So we grow up with that being taught, and become just as up tight as our parents.

I think what the two of you need to do is sit down and try to talk about your cultures and find a middle ground. I'm sure you have discussed it, but sit down, grab a beverage, and spend a few hours talking. Express your concerns, and you'll find a good place. But remember: TALK not YELL.


Good luck.

If you are having a hard time finding time for each other and you still want to work , why not try some part time work in a field you would like to get into? Or as mentioned before try volunteer and you can pick your own hours.