Hi Bev,
Maybe in some way your brother is reaching out by inviting you. Yes the instruction to come as male hurts a lot, but you were going to attend in that form. Sometimes our feelings can be a barrier to the longer term gains. This could be a first step to repairing your relationship without your brother feeling anxiety about how 'he' would be perceived having you come as the person you truly are.
In a small way we all compromise our needs, My wife and I were going to a function the other night and I came out to the lounge with my woman ankle boots under my jeans rather than my bloke ones. She very quickly spotted this and told me in no uncertain terms to change. I did this as a tongue in cheek opportunity to see if she does check me out carefully as she is extremely fearful of my hidden life becoming public. I duly changed but hated that I had to present fully in ala-male-mode apart from a camisole.
I know it is a very weak comparison, it's just you have an opportunity to start the recovery of your relationship. Maybe his invitation and not acceptance is his best effort to start the ball rolling.
Only you will know your brothers intentions and if the invitation is sincere enough to travel the distance.
I do hope you find a way to connect as it would be so sad to lose a connection with a sibling.
Hugs
Sue.

Well the wedding went off without a hitch (other than rain) and without me.  I did find out there were two transgender people at the wedding...two of the grooms cousins, both FtM.  No dress code restrictions place on them, however.

Quote from: BeverlyAnn on June 01, 2017, 10:58:12 PM
Well the wedding went off without a hitch (other than rain) and without me.  I did find out there were two transgender people at the wedding...two of the grooms cousins, both FtM.  No dress code restrictions place on them, however.

I am glad it went Ok but it must have been a difficult day. Especially in light of the double standard. Personally I would be furious and vent my anger as inte4nsly as I could and be done with it if you can...that is a big thing to try and do but don't let it eat away at you...this is coming from someone who has a tendency to dwell on anything...but I think you know where I am coming from

Wow! When I meet people like that, i am not even surprised anymore but when it happen's to other people, I am really shocked.

I made a video on youtube addressing that subject. It's about a toxic relationship I got with a guys... In the end, a friend told me :

- DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SURROUND YOURSELF BY PEOPLE WHO ARE DISGUSTED BY WHO YOU ARE?
- DO YOU WANT TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO'D BE ASHAMED TO BE SEEN WITH YOU IN THE PUBLIC EYE?

Of course the answer is no. It took us years to find every single building blocks to build this confidence and feel free to be ourselves in the midst of judgment and contempt in a society where fingers are pointed at us.

You are worth way more than rejection Beverly.

I'm trying to think of what circumstance it would take for me to disown my brothers or sisters or try to tell them how to live. If they hurt or molested a child or committed murder. Past that, I can't imagine trying to dictate their lives to them. Your brother should beg for your forgiveness over his actions.
Moni

Yeah i'd definitely reach out to your niece directly. Your bother is not in charge of you or her choices anymore, and depending on the outcome of that, i might respond " Your welcome to have this girl's attendance at your joyous family event, provided you show some love and acceptance to you sibling"

Quote from: ElizabethK on June 01, 2017, 11:21:15 PM
I am glad it went Ok but it must have been a difficult day. Especially in light of the double standard. Personally I would be furious and vent my anger as inte4nsly as I could and be done with it if you can...that is a big thing to try and do but don't let it eat away at you...this is coming from someone who has a tendency to dwell on anything...but I think you know where I am coming from

Oh I'm done Liz.  I gave him over a year and if he were to call me on the phone now, I wouldn't answer.  I told Deb the other day that, as far as my wishes go, if something happens to me, don't tell him until after the funeral.