Howdy Everyone,
I'm Kensi Michelle:0) I've been a loooooonnnnggggttttiiimmmeeeeee lurker here reading from the shadows. I've meant to do my introduction here for sometime now just life seems to never allow enough time to do it these days. I'm a pre-op transgender female and started my HRT in April 2015 and am now currently in my 26th month of HRT and 18th month full time and legal. I live in Spotsylvania, Virginia a suburb of Fredericksburg(Population 350K).
I've known I was different since I was about 4 or 5 and grew up like many in a very tormented hell and was bullied not only by kids but by a lot of my own family too. I grew up in Northern Virginia just outside Washington DC in what is known as Fairfax County/Springfield. I started my life blind and required cataract surgery at 9 months old, 2 years old and eye muscle surgery at 3 years old. I was able to see for the first time in my life normally at age 4 and have been lucky to have my vision ever since!
My story is long and painful to discuss but in order to keep it short for this intro. I found about about transsexualism as it was known back then when I turned 9 and at 13 I attempted to come out to my Mom and asked for her help in order to be able to transition along with a 12 page letter explaining my feelings. At the time my mom was not supportive and I found myself locked away in a Psychiatric hospital. Back then (1990) people just were no where near as accepting as they are today. I suffered a ton of abuse from staffers and other patients. After that I lost pretty much my entire family's support. My Grandmother called all of the family on my mom's side and told them that I was gay and an embarrassment to the family.
I clamped up after that keeping my feels buried way down inside me for many, many years. I was ashamed and scared to lose anyone else in my life after having lost so much already. I ate to cope with my depression and my dysphoria and eventually my weight soared to over 600lbs. In 2009 I suffered my first of 2 TIA's (Small strokes) with a second one in 2012. I was in a walker for nearly 3 years and had been told I'd never walk unassisted again in my life when in November/December 2013 I had what doctor's called a holiday miracle as my legs started to improve on their own and within 6 weeks I was walking normally and unassisted like nothing had ever happen.
I decided that after that experience I was being given a second or third chance at life and it was time to be happy. I started the process of working to accept myself as transgender and made many friends socially through Twitter and facebook among other places. Many of those folks are well known today in fact. One youtube friend who was my biggest inspiration sadly committed suicide in 2014. There is also quite a few people here I credit for sharing their transitions which helped me to also pursue mine.
In 2014 I began walking and exercising daily. Rain, snow, heat, shine or even thunderstorms couldn't slow my drive to lose weight and prepare to start transition. In May 2014 I began seeing a gender therapist and received my letter for HRT after only 3 weeks, though I opted to wait to pursue hrt until 2015. I lost 175lbs in 2014, 125lbs in 2015, and nearly 60lbs in 2016. I actually ran a social experiment during my weight loss sessions to see how much public support I had before and then after I started transitioning. For the first 2 years I garnered a lot of support from people in my old complex and there were times I could barely do my laps because someone was stopping me to ask about my inspiration to lose weight or to tell me that I was their inspiration. About months in hrt the level of support from people started to decline and in 2015 I actually had to stop walking in my complex and take up stationary biking instead because of threats I received and because I didn't feel safe anymore.
I started HRT in April 2015, went full time in August 2015 and legally changed my name at the end of November 2015.
Thankfully I have a lot of supporting friends who are absolutely amazing and offer a lot of support which has kept me going. Sadly I lost almost all of my family except my Mom who became supportive when I came out to her in 2014 and My Aunt (Mom's sister) in 2015. My dad still speaks with me and even visits but he refuses to acknowledge me or my transition and continues to dead-name me and tells people he knows that his son is a crossdresser. Since I came out a number of friends approached me and came out as well asking for help to figure out how to transition as well which makes me proud to be able such support to others as well.
Currently I'm a caregiver for my Mom who is a double amputee and requires 24/7 care. I regained about 85lbs between November of last year and April of this year as my mother went through some major health issues and almost didn't survive. However I was able to regain some free time as she improved and I realized in April that I needed to focus more on myself or that I was going to go crazy if I didn't. I restarted my exercise routine which today includes alternating days going to the gym and working on the treadmill and then other days walking around my new apt complex which is much safer and because I appear to look like any other female out there no one besides one couple knows I'm transgender here currently. Though I don't hide my trans status to those who ask, I don't and can't broadcast it for safety reasons as I live in a very conservative part of the state.
Otherwise in my free time I do some activism, I'm a longtime World of Warcraft hardcore raider (For the Horde!), storm->-bleeped-<- (I've chased tornadoes since I was in my teens), I've chased in many of the plains states and also back here in Virginia. My chasing mentor and close friend Tim Samaras died in the El Reno, Ok Tornado in May 2013 ( The largest tornado ever on record at 2.5 miles wide). If you ever watched the show Storm->-bleeped-<-s on the discovery channel you would have probably seen him or know who he was. I'm also a railfan/trainfan, photographer , dachshund lover, foodie, NCIS and CSI fan, Movie lover and so on.
I never thought my life would or could've ever been this wonderful! Transition saved my life and I'd likely not be here today if it wasn't for a lot of very helpful people out there! I'm actually happy for the first time in my life, I love the girl/woman I see in the mirror everyday now and I plan to pursue my GRS/SRS in the future once I lose more weight and am able to pursue electro/laser hair removal. But as of right now I'm happy and not thinking of gender 24/7 anymore which is a wonderful thing.
I do have a journal but understand links are not allowed for a while so if I'm allowed to share you can find it under Countryfied_Girl on livejournal. Feel free to friend me on Facebook (Kensi Michelle Mills) or on Twitter (Ciriantares).
I look forward to participating more here on the forums and so on and I appreciate those that stopped in and read my intro here.
Thanks again,
Kensi Michelle
