Now that my college course is over in a week, I'm giving thought over if I want to start HRT now but there are times I do, and times I think I can do without. It's like I've reached a gridlock where both sides are equally strong and I don't have the answer. Did anyone else go through this and how did you break the tie?  It's this weird situation where I don't want to age anymore without it if I was to do it, meaning I'd go to the doctor's asap if I knew for sure, but on the other hand I don't know for sure.

I suppose I have doubts that HRT would give me a very convincing female body.

- That I can consistently stick with it. I'm not very organized.

The difficulty is making the decision from a state of demotivation from depression. The thought of "What's the point? It won't do much anyway". "Do you really want to change what you know?" It may not be great, but it's familiar.

Anyway I've got alot of thinking to do.

What about a small dose just to see how you feel...it may well really agree with how you feel. Maybe with the right hormones on board you will actually start to feel "normal"...There is a point...HRT could well make you feel so much better mentally, but as far as the physical effects go...well that is a total crap shoot...but I have not as yet seen anyone look worse for taking them especially low dose.....You never  know that if you don't at least try...

Good luck in whatever you decide is right for you...

Quote from: JMJW on June 14, 2017, 05:18:50 PM
Now that my college course is over in a week, I'm giving thought over if I want to start HRT now but there are times I do, and times I think I can do without. It's like I've reached a gridlock where both sides are equally strong and I don't have the answer. Did anyone else go through this and how did you break the tie?  It's this weird situation where I don't want to age anymore without it if I was to do it, meaning I'd go to the doctor's asap if I knew for sure, but on the other hand I don't know for sure.

I went through this for months.  I was going to start in January, but there was a hiccup at a doc appt and I put it off for a few months.  Every day between those months, I analyzed ad nauseum and got scared that I might be making a mistake or would put myself at a risk too high for the benefit.  Then at the next appt, I didn't even think about it and started everything together.  The doubts didn't start fading until I'd started the hormones for a couple weeks.

Quote from: JMJW on June 14, 2017, 05:18:50 PMI suppose I have doubts that HRT would give me a very convincing female body.

I still do.  But I'm becoming more female mentally, which is surreal and wonderful, and actually makes the body issues somewhat less prominent.

Quote from: JMJW on June 14, 2017, 05:18:50 PM- That I can consistently stick with it. I'm not very organized.

Girl, I never so much as took vitamins regularly.  But hormones have never been a second thought, I always take them every 12 hours, give or take a few hours

Quote from: JMJW on June 14, 2017, 05:18:50 PMThe difficulty is making the decision from a state of demotivation from depression. The thought of "What's the point? It won't do much anyway". "Do you really want to change what you know?" It may not be great, but it's familiar.

Anyway I've got alot of thinking to do.

It sounds like you've already been doing a lot of thinking.  If you need to keep doing so, then please do.  But I found that my thinking just got in the way of making the decision I already knew was right. 

Without those words, I asked the same two questions of myself.  To the first, I answered "I don't know.  But it's far better to try than to keep wondering 'what if?'"  Also, my doctor reassured me that major changes take several months, so you will have a little time after starting to change your mind if you realize you need to. 

To the second, I answered, and still answer "What I know is that I have been searching for the answer to depression, anxiety, self loathing, lack of confidence, lack of direction, etc etc."  I started presenting more female months before taking hormones, and I already felt so much more myself than I had prior.  I thought about all this so much, that what might have seemed like impulse at the doc appt was actually going with answer that was waiting for me all along.  I know that what I'm saying may not be true for you, but it wasn't until I let go of all the thinking that the truth just said "Oh, hello there"

So I went to my final art show for my college course and even though I dressed exactly like how I did in my avatar, even though there was literally a letter from the Nottingham gender clinic with my name on it combined with a screenprint of the clinic on the wall, ain't nobody asked what my preferred pronoun is, just getting he-his-him from everybody. Made me wince everytime. I guess it's up to me to literally spell it out to everybody because apparently the letter wasn't enough, but I wouldn't want to do that. If I have to strongarm people into it, they're just saying something while thinking different. So there's no point. The whole thing reminded me of:

For me beginning hrt was for head space stuff, sure I desired physical feminization but mostly I was looking for relief from the male identity that had been pulling me down all those years (and it worked wonderfully). The safety valve was my endo reassuring me that if I was not happy with where the hrt took me I could stop with no permanent changes if done within the first few months. Once I began, the improvements in my emotional well being kicked in and there is no way that I will go back. On top of that, after a year on estrogen and off testosterone my physical image is far more feminine and I rarely get he, him or his'd. Good luck with whichever way you choose.

I hope you figure it out.  I try to look at women' bodies whenever I'm out, and sometimes I take a moment to look them over, and wonder in my head if I'd want to trade with them.  Although most of the women I see are probably 100 lbs lighter than I am, I wouldn't trade.  There are things I don't like about my body, but some of those are things that every woman struggles with.  Once I realize that my problems have become cis-woman problems, I feel like I already got through the hardest part.  Not everyone is as fortunate as I am in many ways, but I wish for you and others to find enough to get you to a place where you can stand it. 

Do give yourself some credit for being capable of strength and courage when you need it.  There was a time, not very long ago, that I couldn't bear to walk outside wearing clothes, hair and makeup that I owned just out of fear.  But I did it, and you did it.  Seems like you have more inside of you than you need to make the decisions, to hold the discipline, to live the life that you want.  Whatever you decide will be right for you, or you'll turn around and take the other path.  Let us know how it's going, I love to read about happy endings. 

Love.

Erin

I'm wondering if I have to say I'm going to self medicate in order for the GP's in the UK to prescribe HRT without a letter from the GIC because I have to wait 2 years for that.

I made the appointment. It's on the 12th of July. How I hope it goes well.

Making that phone call was tough, I have to say.  Thanks for all the support, I will keep you updated on how it goes. 

For myself, I struggled with gender dysphoria for over 50 years. It was always on my mind. I felt I had to transition. For me there was no other option that I was comfortable with.

Quote from: JMJW on June 19, 2017, 11:11:40 AM
I made the appointment. It's on the 12th of July. How I hope it goes well.

Making that phone call was tough, I have to say.  Thanks for all the support, I will keep you updated on how it goes.

I am SO glad to read this!  Making that decision is huge, and not just because of what you're deciding to do.  The responsibility we allow ourselves to have by listening to and trusting ourselves is a big step to feeling secure, confident, and in charge of our lives.  So regardless of how things begin to pan out, give yourself credit for breaking the ambiguity

I spoke to a GP over the phone and  (at least the practice I'm with) they won't prescribe me anything on the 12th. Nor will they prescribe me anything over the next 3 years as they can't do anything without the Gender Clinic's approval. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going back to drawing my story. Because there's nothing else to do but draw. The doctor acting like it doesn't matter. IT MATTERS TO ME.

When you say you need to wait that long, is that just for the initial appointment at the GIC or is that for the referral letter afterwards, or a combination of both?

It's at least 2 years for the first appointment, and I hear some 8 months for the second.

This is the place. I been outside many times to draw it, but won't be allowed to set a foot in until I'm like 35 and won't get prescribed till I'm 36 probably. When I get crap feminization and lifelong mockery for waiting too long, I'll think of them.

Can't you find another practice?


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They'll only sign you on if you live in the area of the practice. The place I am at is an exception, as it's in the city centre, which leaves only one other possibility. If they say the same thing then the only other option would be to go to a private doctor, but I can't afford that.

You might set an appointment and find means to get to the private doctor before the appointment. Either you find means to afford it, or time will pass.


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Can't afford it right now because I just came off college. But I will somehow. I have no intention of waiting 3 years to get the diagnosis of GD. No intention.

Still, make an appointment


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I'm 50 and I hope it goes a little fAster though the program of non excepted phicicians and other doctors.

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3 years to get onto HRT?! That is insane. 

If you had the means to see a private doctor and get onto HRT practically immediately, how much would that cost? And once you are officially on HRT, can you then immediately transfer to your regular doctor and keep getting the monitoring and prescriptions filled, or would you still be put on a waiting list of 3 years? 

I'm trying to think of ways around this mad system.