I'm not sure you're anything like me but I suspect so.  I got to the point where I just couldn't keep up the false pretense of being a man in society anymore.   At this point I basically adopted Davina's attitude:

Quote from: davina61 on June 14, 2017, 03:23:41 PM
maybe as I am an old fart and have stopped worrying about what others think.

I lived RLE for 6 months before I even started HRT.   Looking back and examining it all in the light of my current situation I realize now that my dysphoria is more social than physical (although HRT made me realize that there is also a physical aspect to it).  I need to live socially as a woman and present female to everybody and his brother.  The pain of living a double life is more than I can bear.  So I just let the chips fall where they may.

I've still got over a years wait for the gender clinic but have been living full time mostly for a few months, baring a few little hiccups.
I live on a typical council estate, but so far nobody's said a word. I mean one of my neighbours now calls me "ducky", but other than that the only issues I've had have been between my ears and dysphoria. Luckily I haven't started to "quack" yet 

I have one rule and that is to be gentle with myself and do things at my own pace. If I need a break from gender issues then I shall try to have that break, or at least dial things back a bit until i'm ready to take on the world again. I know this isn't going to go away, but I also don't want to be the one beating myself up if things don't go to plan or I struggle over some issues.
We're only human, not transition machines. So a little victory here, an acknowledgement there and who knows where I'll be in 14 or so months when my appointment eventually comes through. Hopefully I'll at least done a bit of the ground work and feel a little more comfy and confident in my own skin.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Quote from: meganjames2 on June 15, 2017, 01:19:03 PM
Sara,  I'm not sure where you are in the UK,  and I'm sure it'll happen,  but I've not yet had any negative experiences. I live in Herts/Beds,  and the reality is most people simply don't care 😊. I'm 5'11" in flats and 20lbs too heavy. Everyone is courteous and polite. It took me time to build up my confidence,  but you can do it! X

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I,m in a very small village population 12 " that's including the hand full of sheep, I,ve only been here six months & I,ve raised a few eyebrows over my hair but really no ones bothered but have had problems in my last home so am I just being overly cautious! The only time I,ve gone out side as Sara is at night but when I,m not really too depressed I make the effort to slap on some make up & present my self as the real me ( spend ages trying to look nice then realize I need to go outside so it all comes off again) SIGH I thing I need a kick up the backside to get out in day light but its easier said that done.

Quote from: Shy on June 15, 2017, 05:32:32 PM


I have one rule and that is to be gentle with myself and do things at my own pace. If I need a break from gender issues then I shall try to have that break, or at least dial things back a bit until i'm ready to take on the world again. I know this isn't going to go away, but I also don't want to be the one beating myself up if things don't go to plan or I struggle over some issues.
We're only human, not transition machines. So a little victory here, an acknowledgement there and who knows where I'll be in 14 or so months when my appointment eventually comes through. Hopefully I'll at least done a bit of the ground work and feel a little more comfy and confident in my own skin.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

This is extremely good advice.
Moni

Quote from: coldHeart on June 15, 2017, 06:01:22 PM
I,m in a very small village population 12 " that's including the hand full of sheep, I,ve only been here six months & I,ve raised a few eyebrows over my hair but really no ones bothered but have had problems in my last home so am I just being overly cautious! The only time I,ve gone out side as Sara is at night but when I,m not really too depressed I make the effort to slap on some make up & present my self as the real me ( spend ages trying to look nice then realize I need to go outside so it all comes off again) SIGH I thing I need a kick up the backside to get out in day light but its easier said that done.

  Hi Sara,

  I was only a short time ago that I went out in daylight. I know just what you mean as most of my outside crossdressing was done at night in the safety of my car. It has only been since I came to Susan's that I went out at night and into a store dressed up. Ask anyone how long that has been or do you remember? Then if you will remember I went to a therapy session and then a bit of partial femaleness around my apartments and to the facial torture. Next thing I know I'm spending a weekend and walking in a Pride parade!  Now I'm getting ready to at least drive to Colorado springs dressed.
   Baby steps Sara. That how you do it , baby steps.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

Thing is I know it takes time to go through transitioning some people's take years but I am too so tied & deeply unhappy I don't know if I can wait that long but nether do I have the courage to do anything about it, I know this will upset people but it would be easier if I was dead, I have no friend no family I know I have a few friends on here but if something happened you would never remember my name after a few months, it makes matters worse that I live next to a school so I have to go through the heartache of seeing all the pretty mums ever day. Sara 😥😥

Sweetie, I am not judging you here. I haven't walked in your shoes. I can't say I would feel any different than you if I did. The thing is, as a person who is not in the place that you are, I see a few things. If you read your last post, look at the energy you are putting into negative thoughts. It seems like a lot. Now I am not saying it is easy to change that, but I hope you will start aiming for more positive thoughts. Even if it takes some help to get there, that is okay. It was awesome that you started this thread. I am convinced that when you are as low as you seem, that you have to force yourself to go through the motions of taking positive steps. Even if you don't feel it right away, you will find yourself in a better place. You then build from there. I am reaching across you ocean giving you a giant hug right now. You have to convince yourself at some point that good things are possible and you gotta reach for them.
All my LOVE,
Moni

positive thoughts give positive results, look for the little things like Oh GOD I look killer in this dress(cant see my face when I stand in front of dressing table mirror) so I am a glass 1/2 full girl (preferably red wine) but when things look down I always fine stuff works out fine.

I,m really sorry if I,ve upset or annoyed any one with my post, your all probably fed up of my ranting on. Sara

Sara, nobody is upset or annoyed - we deeply care about you.  And I can easily see many, many positive things about you.

Second Kendra's message,  rant away! 😀.

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When my wife took me back to the UK for a working holiday we ended up in a village very similar to what you describe you live in. I can imagine how difficult that can be at times for you. Being fed up and unhappy would seems perfectly sensible response if where you live is anything like where I spent a very cold, boring and isolated winter...so yeah I think I would be having the odd rant or two as well . 

Quote from: coldHeart on June 16, 2017, 06:38:03 PM
I,m really sorry if I,ve upset or annoyed any one with my post, your all probably fed up of my ranting on. Sara

Oh Sara, please don't take what I said that way. I just want you to feel better. If I spoke too forcefully, I'm sorry. We all care about you.
Moni

Yes we are all trying to help in our own ways, watching Pitch Battle at the moment and looking at all the girl singers body shapes, heights, faces its the whole spectrum , big noses heavy eye brows strong chins its all there.

Quote from: HappyMoni on June 17, 2017, 01:11:00 PM
Oh Sara, please don't take what I said that way. I just want you to feel better. If I spoke too forcefully, I'm sorry. We all care about you.
Moni

Moni of course you haven't upset me its just me feeling bad for ranting on how bad things are for me when its bad for every one at times. Sara

Quote from: coldHeart on June 17, 2017, 04:38:43 PM
Moni of course you haven't upset me its just me feeling bad for ranting on how bad things are for me when its bad for every one at times. Sara

It's not that bad for everybody. When you first are coming to terms with yourself,  it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. After you make up your mind to tell the world what to do with it's self and become yourself, you become free for the first time in a long time. It's a difficult task to break free of what is holding you back but after you do, you always wonder why you didn't do it sooner.