It's not that she doesn't support trans people it's just that she feels like she'd be losing me if I changed. Because I'd look and act like a different person. And she also isn't attracted to girls. I want to transition but I love her more than anything and don't want to lose her.

That's hard. I haven't been in that situation but I wonder, if you don't transition because of her will you start resenting her later. If that happened then the relationship would be over anyway. I get that she isn't attracted to females but does she want you to pretend to be what you aren't and be miserable just to keep you the way she likes you? That sounds like kind of selfish to me.

Quote from: Julia1996 on June 17, 2017, 10:00:53 AM
That's hard. I haven't been in that situation but I wonder, if you don't transition because of her will you start resenting her later. If that happened then the relationship would be over anyway. I get that she isn't attracted to females but does she want you to pretend to be what you aren't and be miserable just to keep you the way she likes you? That sounds like kind of selfish to me.

She said she'd support me completely and she wants me to be who I want but I asked her if she'd be fine with it deep down and she told me what she felt about it but she said she felt like an ->-bleeped-<- cause she doesn't want to force me to be someone I don't want to be

Hand as it is to hear you need to do what's right for you to improve your mental health. You can bury dysphoria for years but it will always find ways to come back.

Transitioning changing you is what many cis people think will happen. In reality you'll become more confident and more comfortable within yourself. And it's possible that although she may not be exclusively attracted to women you may be her exception.

Maybe go to a trans group together so you can talk to other couples together.  And remember to not stop communicating and to not forget your mental health needs to come first.

I have just been in this situation with my wife & it really hard to decided which path to chose but in the end my dysphoria just came back with a vengeance, in the end I lost my & home but it was transition or die, try going to counciling together. Sara

You understand what you'd like and you understand what you have.  So the question is what can you live with? 

I say I'm Non-Binary, but there is a big piece of me that wonders if that is just how I come to terms with my current decision to not do a full transition.  I know how far down on the feminine scale I feel and have always felt.  I'm 52 and next year I will have been married for 30.  I have social standing, professional standing, community standing.  I have kids.  Society gives us every reason to conform, and to not do so scares the hell out of me sometimes. 

I have aped being male for so long that even if I did transition, I can't help but wonder what kind of disaster that would be. 

So I ask myself the same question - What can I live with?  As I got into my therapy,  I used the first year to figure out who I was and the next two to figure out what to do about it.  Doing nothing wasn't an option.  So I keep adding things and my happiness keeps going up.  Not going zero to sixty has helped give my wife time to mentally catch up.  If we were still dating, I am pretty sure she'd sound just like your girlfriend. 

I wish I had an easy answer for you.  I wish I had one for me.  The best I can tell you is that I find when I am facing a big problem or issue, sometimes it gets easier to solve if you can break it up into a bunch of smaller problems/issues.  What ever you do, keep being honest with you and keep being honest with her.  I hope everything works out for you the way that you want. 
 

I hate to be a Doggy Downer but the most important part of your post is "girl friend".  You didn't say "wife".

This hurts but maybe cutting loose is best for all.

My 32 year marriage is about to end.

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Quote from: Denise on June 17, 2017, 03:32:07 PM
I hate to be a Doggy Downer but the most important part of your post is "girl friend".  You didn't say "wife".

This hurts but maybe cutting loose is best for all.

My 32 year marriage is about to end.

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I have to agree, especially if no kids are involved. People change over time and very often the person we love with all our heart can become a stranger again.

The only person you will have to live with until you die, is you. Don't sacrifice yourself...

Quote from: Thessa on June 17, 2017, 03:55:26 PM
I have to agree, especially if no kids are involved. People change over time and very often the person we love with all our heart can become a stranger again.

The only person you will have to live with until you die, is you. Don't sacrifice yourself...

Usually that makes sense but I'd probably give my life for her.

Lost my marriage too. I know some survive,  but I kinda agree with Denise.

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If you choose not to transition for her sake at least share with her that if you really are trans, This will revisit you sooner or later as it does every trans woman.
      If you truly are transsexual, this will dog you to your dying day. She should know that up front. Then, 20 years from now when you can't do the guy thing any longer, at least she'll have no feet to lay blame at and perhaps you'll be able to salvage a long relationship since no one was deceived or cheated.
If OTOH, your not trans and this is pink fog, none of my advice will mean anything since she obviously has no problem with your cross dressing.

Hi I am in a similar position the girl that I have been seeing for 7 years she is also my partner at work we were looking at pictures and I said my face has changed, and she said I know I am losing (myname)  and now have been crying for 2 hours on how I have hurt her 

I'd say, go to counseling, talk through your feelings without any specific agenda or decision in mind. Invite your GF to talk to your counselor too. Communication is the key, maybe you'll find a happy medium place, maybe she would start to see you aren't changing after all.


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Quote from: jentay1367 on June 17, 2017, 04:13:44 PM
If you choose not to transition for her sake at least share with her that if you really are trans, This will revisit you sooner or later as it does every trans woman.
      If you truly are transsexual, this will dog you to your dying day. She should know that up front. Then, 20 years from now when you can't do the guy thing any longer, at least she'll have no feet to lay blame at and perhaps you'll be able to salvage a long relationship since no one was deceived or cheated.
If OTOH, your not trans and this is pink fog, none of my advice will mean anything since she obviously has no problem with your cross dressing.

I've had this feeling for almost two years so idk if it's a phase but I do know that I'm not 100% sure.

Quote from: ErosNightleaf on June 17, 2017, 03:58:07 PM
Usually that makes sense but I'd probably give my life for her.

That's very noble.  And that's possibly what your decision will cost: a lifetime of being unfulfilled.  Add the possibility you may make her regret loving you as well.

I am not trying to minimize your love and commitment to your girlfriend. From the sound of it, I believe you love her and she loves you. I just want to gently caution you on the repercussions of your decision.  You are young, with your whole life in front of you.  I am old, with a 20-year marriage in ruins, and estranged from my young sons.  All my life I swore I could beat this; it was just a matter of willpower. Those transgender feelings are like the Terminator.  It will Never. Ever. Stop. 

Best case is you find an accommodation that works for both of you.  But as far as change, well, I guarantee you will change, and so will she.  That is what life is about.

With kindness,

Terri

Quote from: ErosNightleaf on June 17, 2017, 04:30:13 PM
I've had this feeling for almost two years so idk if it's a phase but I do know that I'm not 100% sure.

Then your first course of action should be to share your thoughts and feelings with a gender therapist. It will be much easier to make a valid decision that will enhance your future once you discover what you need and want. You cannot get to your destination if you don't know what that may be. Once you do know, you can make a map and head there.
Good luck to you my friend.

Yeah. Same situation here, soft of. My wanting to transition stems from a deep seated jealousy of, only certain feminine roles. I am a sexual submissive male. I am just so sick of always being the one do be dominant. I have had, in the last 10 years, about 4 girlfriends, who were all sexual subs.

If I were a woman I could live the submissive lifestyle and it would look RIGHT. Because, generally, Women are geared towards submission right? Or at least, that's what the multitude of ***n society dictates.

I don't look in the mirror and hate myself. Actually I find many things about my figure that, albeit are femme traits, that look awesome. I actually really enjoy just being dressed in a tied back robe and tight hipster boxers.

The thing is, those of us still attracted to Women are caught between a rock and a hard place. I, like you, have deep feelings for my girlfriend of 4 years. But, she is not attracted to Women. And after light nights convo and me telling her that my acceptance of my non-binary submissive nature has left me feeling much happier. the convo ended when she mentioned, and well within her right to do so, that her fantasy is "the strength of a man". I wanted to vomit.

Quote from: ErosNightleaf on June 17, 2017, 09:49:24 AM
It's not that she doesn't support trans people it's just that she feels like she'd be losing me if I changed. Because I'd look and act like a different person. And she also isn't attracted to girls. I want to transition but I love her more than anything and don't want to lose her.

Well, according to my wife, I am just as annoying as I ever was.    Transitioning doesn't change who you are.  You are the same person you always were, except you become happier and more relaxed, more yourself.

You can't make her like being with the real you.  People are entitled to their likes and their dislikes.  All you have control over is what you do.  If you put your transition on hold, the dysphoria will not go away.  It will come back and it will get worse.  You should consider what that will mean for you, and the two of you should discuss that and what it means for the two of you.

Quote from: suntanlotion on June 17, 2017, 07:23:48 PM
Yeah. Same situation here, soft of. My wanting to transition stems from a deep seated jealousy of, only certain feminine roles. I am a sexual submissive male. I am just so sick of always being the one do be dominant. I have had, in the last 10 years, about 4 girlfriends, who were all sexual subs.

If I were a woman I could live the submissive lifestyle and it would look RIGHT. Because, generally, Women are geared towards submission right? Or at least, that's what the multitude of ***n society dictates.

I don't look in the mirror and hate myself. Actually I find many things about my figure that, albeit are femme traits, that look awesome. I actually really enjoy just being dressed in a tied back robe and tight hipster boxers.

The thing is, those of us still attracted to Women are caught between a rock and a hard place. I, like you, have deep feelings for my girlfriend of 4 years. But, she is not attracted to Women. And after light nights convo and me telling her that my acceptance of my non-binary submissive nature has left me feeling much happier. the convo ended when she mentioned, and well within her right to do so, that her fantasy is "the strength of a man". I wanted to vomit.

You can be as submissive as a male as you wish without any transition. My wife is a dominant in our relationship


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Lucky... It's a wicked fun role. I work out of home so I have a lot of time to give and I aim to please! Rather than Hijack the post; OP, I feel ya...