I posted earlier and got a few responses and they helped a ton! Thank you everyone! But now I'm curious as to what everyone else has done to help their partners adjust looks wise. Meaning, how would you suggest for us to slowly and discreetly make him feel and look more feminine?

a) transition is hers, don't drive her too much
b) depending on her goals and issues, whether she's ready to go out full time into full transition mode or not,...

I'd say help her buy her clothes to be comfortable around you at home (and you getting used to your partner's new image); start facial hair removal with laser treatments and electrolysis (takes a lot of time, the sooner to start the better); let her grow her hair; let her shave her body hair (or wax, or epilate); put her on the diet; sign up both of you to yoga classes (stretching is good); assign her to cooking or house cleaning duties (you need to get something out of it); go to endocrinologist and start HRT (kind of step of no return after a few months).


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If you want to take it slower, a makeup giftcard, manicure, pedicure, etc... little things. A nightie, some nice pajamas... any of which would be a nice little slice of heaven.

For me having my partner do those small things helped immensely, knowing my partner will always give me an honest answer about my dress sense, talking about the hard stuff

I like the suggestions of small gifts and letting her set her own pace. Quite often something as simple as a "girly" experience (manicure, pedicure, dress shopping, jewellery and makeup shopping) will make a huge difference.

When the dysphoria hits hard and the world becomes a really frightening place (which it does) just being there with a supportive hug can make the world of difference.

Just sticking by her like you are doing is a fantastic start.

Liz

My wife has been an amazing supporter.  The first thing she said was that I needed to get my ears pierced. 

She helps me with choosing clothes, and we usually go together.  I mostly make my own choices, but I run them by her for valuable advice.  I am developing good taste in clothes, and often she will tell me that my selections look sweet.  But if something doesn't work, she'll say something like, "Well if you are sure you want that, go ahead, but I think something like this would suit you better."

She has given me advice on hair styles.  She helped me choose my first wig, and came along with me to give advice when I took all my wigs to her hairdresser to get styled.

Her role is like a consultant.  My choices are mine, and she is clear about that, but she will make suggestions ("I think this skirt would look good on you.") and will tell me if I am making a mistake.  She will sometimes take the initiative and suggest a clothes shopping trip.  As a result, I am starting to develop a style of my own that suits me.

As for transitioning her appearance slowly, maybe start with earrings.  Lots of guys wear them, so it doesn't immediately arouse suspiction.  I have a set of simple silver studs that I wear most of the time.  I started wearing them when I was still in guy mode and no one commented.  But they really help feminize my appearance now that I am in girl mode.

Help her pick out a few items of women's clothing that can pass for male.  Maybe a T-shirt that has a slightly wider neckline than a men's T-shirt, but not so wide or low that it attracts attention.  Women's jeans.  Underwear, of course, since it doesn't have to pass.