I love being gendered as "she" by people without my prompting.  And regardless of if people don't know I'm trans, or if they do and therefore know I want to be known as "she," it makes me happy every time.

Others, though, and not too many, have gone out of their way to show their support.  I've had servers look at my ID and then back at me now and exclaim "oh, you're beautiful!"  On Friday night, I went to a local pub/townie bar with the intention of being drunk.  I hadn't in a long time, and a friend and I were just celebrating going out together and the good things happening in our lives.  As a result, I ended up the most comfortable I've ever been, in a most unlikely place to feel that way. 

We left after last call around 2am, and then realized we'd both forgotten our debit cards.  I went in to sign for both of us, and the bartender/manager remembered mine and my friends' names and thanked me for coming back.  The girl there handed me the cards and asked if I was *male name.*  I said yes, but it would be changing soon.  She asked my new name and I told her "Aria," and she loved the name.  But then the manager comes back over and fist bumps me (gotta love it), and said "I gotta say, that's awesome.  Are you happy being you?"  I said yes and he said again "that's awesome, good for you."

I'm still in between, and I'm totally okay with that because I'm enjoying what each day brings.  I know some people transition and want to go into stealth mode, although some won't be able to.  I know others transition and want to be outspoken about it because they see it as a source of pride, awareness and self acceptance.  I honestly don't know which I'd want to do, or maybe if I'd want to have the option to be stealth or open in different situations/atmospheres.  For now, I really like that strangers will give me their support, because it helps to see the good in people as I transition. 

What are your thoughts on it?

The more of us being proudly out, the more accepting society will be of us.

I remember a night hanging at a local drinking hole at a very blue color beat down neighborhood (I was a regular there - as a girl - it was walking distance from my apartments and bar owners and all bartenders being totally supportive) and an old Mexican guy (probably undocumented worker since his family was in Mexico) started crying at my shoulder saying he also had similar feelings but would never dare to go out into the open and how envious he is for my freedom (little did he know, I might be not much more free than he, just a bit braver or careless)


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I'm pretty much stealth now. As much as I can be. I grew up here and people know me. I could move somewhere else after surgery but I really don't think I can be totally stealth because I would always tell a guy I am trans before starting a relationship. I never would want to advertise that I'm trans but if someone knows I am it doesn't bother me as long as they aren't mean to me. I won't ever be a cis girl but I accept that and I can deal with it.

I don't want to be stealth, and I don't want to be outspoken.  I just want to be myself.  I'd like to be gendered correctly, but whether they think I'm a cis-woman or a trans-woman, I don't really care.  Living in a country that just passed anti-discrimination legislation for trans people this week, I expect to be treated politely.

I am happy when I am gendered correctly.  I am happy when people who clock me keep it to themselves.  In other words, I am not looking for unsolicited expressions of support.  I have received a lot of support from people that I have told about my transition.  It would be embarrassing to receive support from someone who just figured it out on their own.  So far, that has not happened.

Quote from: KathyLauren on June 20, 2017, 04:55:39 PM
I don't want to be stealth, and I don't want to be outspoken.  I just want to be myself.  I'd like to be gendered correctly, but whether they think I'm a cis-woman or a trans-woman, I don't really care.  Living in a country that just passed anti-discrimination legislation for trans people this week, I expect to be treated politely.

I am happy when I am gendered correctly.  I am happy when people who clock me keep it to themselves.  In other words, I am not looking for unsolicited expressions of support.  I have received a lot of support from people that I have told about my transition.  It would be embarrassing to receive support from someone who just figured it out on their own.  So far, that has not happened.

I couldn't have said that better myself.
That is totally how I feel.


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Quote from: KathyLauren on June 20, 2017, 04:55:39 PM
I don't want to be stealth, and I don't want to be outspoken.  I just want to be myself.  I'd like to be gendered correctly, but whether they think I'm a cis-woman or a trans-woman, I don't really care.  Living in a country that just passed anti-discrimination legislation for trans people this week, I expect to be treated politely.

I love this, and it's how I am now as well.  Before starting hormones, I would feel so anxious about all of these things I thought I needed to do to make sure I passed.  Less than three months in, I'm just feeling amazing with the loss of (nearly) all of my anxiety altogether.   And although I still love a full face of makeup, I don't feel the need to wear it all in order to validate my female existence.

I've just started to introduce myself as Aria when out at night, working single-day massage gigs, etc.  The fact that people who meet me now will only ever know me as Aria is a thrill.  And my self love and confidence takes away any possible awkwardness that might have been a "thing" otherwise. 

I just had a similar experience at a rental car agency which I described in another thread. Personally I love it. Yes some people go out of their way or over the top to make it clear their supportive, but I think it's great.  It establishes them as an ally and builds my ego.  I mean as it is right now, I know I get clocked very easily.  So assuming everyone I encounter clocks me, I'll take an over the top positive reaction to awkward silence or worse.

Aria,
Sometimes I read things here that make me tear up. 

"I know some people transition and want to go into stealth mode, although some won't be able to.  I know others transition and want to be outspoken about it because they see it as a source of pride, awareness and self acceptance.  I honestly don't know which I'd want to do, or maybe if I'd want to have the option to be stealth or open in different situations/atmospheres."

I think most of us only want to live our lives wholly, lovingly, passionately and to be free.  That is not stealth, it is simply living authentically.  I speak on trans issues in classrooms or elsewhere when I can be helpful, but I neither wear "T-Girl" on my chest nor am I combative with anyone unless they choose to be abusive.  I haven't been misgendered in I don't know how long.  But how I am seen by others is not my business or my priority.  How I am treated and how I behave is.

I took great delight in reading about your lovely night on the town.  Thank you and well done.

Best,

Julie

Quote from: AlyssaJ on June 21, 2017, 05:27:05 PM
I just had a similar experience at a rental car agency which I described in another thread. Personally I love it. Yes some people go out of their way or over the top to make it clear their supportive, but I think it's great.  It establishes them as an ally and builds my ego.  I mean as it is right now, I know I get clocked very easily.  So assuming everyone I encounter clocks me, I'll take an over the top positive reaction to awkward silence or worse.

I just read your post and hoo girl, what a day.  I'm no stranger to the ups and downs, reacting and reveling, fighting and accepting ALL AT ONCE.  I love your posts because not only do I see how genuine you are in the moment and after, but also I find an affinity for posting an angry tirade one day and expressing love and encouragement the next because, well, that space for emotion is what makes us human.

I casually commented to my friend when we were out on the night of my OP that I don't quite pass as a girl yet, to which she immediately responded "uh, yeah you do."  I forget sometimes that just because I see myself as "in between" (which I do enjoy to an extent), it doesn't mean others do.  Or even if I'm clocked, it only matters how people are.  It's very difficult for me to stop analyzing the possibilities of what goes on in people's minds and simply accept myself and they can follow suit if they like. 

About five minutes after this exchange between my friend and I, a guy came up and hit on me.  Subtly, but he was clearly ignoring her.  It took all my strength to politely resume my conversation, thus rejecting him.  I haven't gone out in a while, so not only was I receiving much missed attention by a guy, but it was as a girl.  I feel like a crooked Dorothy clicking my sandal heels and repeating three times "keep it together, keep it together, KEEP IT TOGETHER"

Quote from: JB_Girl on June 21, 2017, 05:27:53 PM

I think most of us only want to live our lives wholly, lovingly, passionately and to be free.  That is not stealth, it is simply living authentically.  I speak on trans issues in classrooms or elsewhere when I can be helpful, but I neither wear "T-Girl" on my chest nor am I combative with anyone unless they choose to be abusive.  I haven't been misgendered in I don't know how long.  But how I am seen by others is not my business or my priority.  How I am treated and how I behave is.

I took great delight in reading about your lovely night on the town.  Thank you and well done.

Best,

Julie

Yes yes yes!  Ah, thank you for this note of camaraderie, it speaks beyond the words themselves.  Just my being confident and loving who I am for the first time ever is enough for me, the acceptance from others is a welcome bonus

Quote from: KathyLauren on June 20, 2017, 04:55:39 PM
I don't want to be stealth, and I don't want to be outspoken.  I just want to be myself.

Spoken like a true Bluenoser.

This is exactly like I want to be just my self and not hide.