Hey everyone! It is me !!

Loads of things have been changing these days and will continue to change as i  keep moving forth. I am on a higher dosage of estrogen, double from where i was slightly over a month ago. I really think I should be running on estrogen as i have never had the mental calmness and overall peace in my life like i do now. I do find i will be more liley to cry or things but i love that more then not and just crabbing around bitter. However, being on the autistic spectrum I apprently am proned to ''meltdowns'' that can litterly just take over when confronted with extremely distressing situations. I am proud to report that I havent had a single one to that extent since April 5th still. In addition, I have found that my general anxiety has subsided dramatically with the increase of E. I find that my has slowly but surely shifted away from fixating on the negative and being able to focus on things that make me happy like politics and history and dogs

Now, I have two things coming up that have to be done but I am abit anxious. First, we move next month. I am exicted but super anxious about it. Its a new place, never been. I am worried about being able to find work and because it is a change, like any other change i get kinda axious about it. Second, i am trying to change my birth certificate and name from MtF and legally become Ashley. These are things I am on one side hystatic about but worried too. Tbh, im far more worried about the move, the name thing is something that brings joy but still big stuff coming my way for July. I dont know how to calm down and just breathe in what many say will be a good thing for me, moving to a new place with better resources. Im just so giddy xD

Love y'all

Just relax and enjoy things as they happen, Ashley.  That's great that you are getting your E adjusted to where it needs to be.

Moving is always stressful, but I know how much you have been looking forward to this move.  It is to a larger town, with more opportunities, including possibly support groups if you want to join one. 

Good luck with the paperwork!  I know it can be frustrating (Believe me, I know!!  Trying to get my immigration documents in order so I can apply for my name change.  Sheesh!), but be patient, dot all the i's and cross all the t's you will get there.

Do you have a dog?  What type, how old?  Ours is a retired racing greyhound.

Hi, Ashley!

You're doing really well, from what I am reading.  Anxiety over a move, or a really big life event is perfectly normal, and you are just being a normal gal.  Really!   There's anxiety, but there is also excitement and even joy in thinking about new opportunities that are unfolding before you. 

Getting your paperwork in order is difficult, tedious, and of course anxiety-inducing.  Just think of the reward at the end, whipping out that ID or check card with "Ashley" printed right there on it.  Being you, really YOU!  'In your face, world!  Ashley is here!'

Sure, there is anxiety in big changes, but just past that are big rewards, and your new life as YOU.  Just close your eyes, take a deep breath, hold it a few seconds, and breath out tension.  Breathe in your future joy, hold it, and breathe out the anxiety. 

You're going to do great.

Thanks girls for the positive vibes!! These are massive changes for someone who doesnt do well with changes at all, but even I know that they are the best <3 And yes, Ashley is going to show who she is to the world!

You got this kiddo.  I am so proud of how far you have come. You are kicking butt and you will continue to do so. The name thing was great for me, but did take getting used to. I kind of asked myself, "Is  it real and legit? Do I deserve to be called Monica?" It is so natural now as it will be for you too.
Love ya,
Moni