So to pick my name, I did a couple things.
1. I talked to my mom about what my parents had planned for a name for me if I had been born with a female body. She told me that they had two names, Christine and Erin. I don't feel like a Christine, but she also told me that she had unofficially assigned the name Erin to the female of a set of twins that she mis-carried. So I felt that wasn't good.
2. I made a list of names that I liked and researched each of them. I looked at how common they were when I was born to ensure I was choosing a name that was age appropriate. I also looked at the etymology of each name because I wanted one that had some meaning for me.
3. I ended up putting Alyssa on the list because of a somewhat silly but profound experience. I was in NYC on business which always results in pretty heavy dysphoria (having to be my male facade for a full week both in dress and in personality). In the cab on the way to Laguardia to head home I was really feeling beat down by the week of dysphoria and I cried repeatedly. We got stuck in traffic somewhere in Queens and I remember looking up and seeing some really impressive and artistic graffiti on a fence lining the road. It really caught my eye and in the middle of it was the name Alyssa in huge decorated letters. At that exact moment, I felt a total calm come over me and I pretty much knew this would be my name. But still I didn't commit.
4. I got my list narrowed down to three names plus the feminized version of my male name. I went on a 4-day weekend trip with my sisters in Minneapolis, the plan being to spend the entire time (even traveling by plane) totally in my authentic female presentation. While there I planned to try out each name for a day. Well my sisters started with Alyssa for the first day. When we got back to the hotel that night, I looked at them both and told them there was no need to try any other names. I said "My name is Alyssa". Some hugs and tears followed, but it was just the name that felt right. After being called Alyssa repeatedly I just knew it was me. It just fit.
So that's where I'm at right now. I have not done my name change yet. My plan is that when I go full time (which will be toward the end of this year) I will do my name change as part of that. Once I no longer need my male name it can go away. Name change process in Wisconsin is pretty simple. I need to file a petition with the court, then for 1 day, 3 weeks in a row, I have to run an add in the newspaper announcing my intention to change my name. When complete, the newspaper gives me an affidavit stating I've done this and I go back for a court hearing. Unless there are any legitimate objections or other issues, the judge will order my name changed and issue a court order. From there I can go change (in this order) my drivers license and vehicle titles, social security, passport, bank records, home title, everything else. I have the option, which I plan to try, to ask for a confidential name change which doesn't require the newspaper ads. I just have to justify that publishing it would cause a threat to my safety. I think publicly announcing that I'm transgender to the entire city and providing my name and address would put me in danger, so hopefully I get an open-minded judge who agrees.
Gender change is a little tougher. I need a doctor's letter stating that I am undergoing the necessary medical treatment to change my gender. This will allow me to change my driver's license and SSN info which then allows me to change almost everything else. I can't in Wisconsin, however, change my birth certificate gender until I have GCS and a doctor signs off confirming it. I've heard that I need my birth certificate changed before I can change my passport, but I haven't confirmed that yet.
