My female to male son (16) is on his second week of testosterone injections. We are supportive of his transition, and want the best for him. My husband (his step-father) gives him the injections.

They do not have a very good relationship, and my son is very negative to my husband since my husband has not always been kind and loving to him in the past. He is trying to repair that now, but my son will have none of it. I generally just step back and allow them to work it out as best they can.

Last night, during dinner, my son was talking about politics (he basically only ever talks about either tg subjects and/or politics) and my husband, very respectfully disagreed and told him why. My son got very upset and took off to his room, yelling "f*** you, husband's name." I made him come down and apologize, but of course, he didn't really apologize, just took more verbal swipes at my husband. My husband calmly tried to reason with him, but my son was in such a state, that there was no reasoning to be had.

I told him that until he could have a conversation with us, that he would not be doing things with friends he had planned last night and today. He tried to leave the house, but I told him he could not leave, he was grounded, and turned the key back in the door. That is when he violently attacked me, hitting me in the head as hard as he could, five times. (he was grunting with the effort of it.) Since he couldn't leave, he ran up to his room.

My husband again tried to talk to him, and apologized for the way he has behaved in the past. My son was still having none of it and tried to leave again. Once more, I kept him from turning the key in the door, and this time he hit me once in the face. I told my husband to dial 911, and my son once more went back to his room. I have told my son that if it ever happens again, that I will call the police. He is taller and stronger than me, and I am only five foot nothing. (and in my early 50's)

I am going to try to set up an appointment with his therapist for all of us to attend, and also with his doctor to get his levels checked. I hate to even think it, but if we are going to be living in hell for the next 2 years, then I may have to just have him wait until he moves out to continue the testosterone, as I will not be screamed at and assaulted in my own house by the child I raised since birth.

So, all that being said, has anyone else experienced this? What did you do? What should I do?

Thanks in advance for your advice!

Wow. I'm sorry that happened.  I seriously doubt testosterone is to blame. Especially if your son has only been on it for 2 weeks. From what I understand a FtM starting hrt is like a boy going through puberty your son hasn't been on testosterone long enough for that to even start. Besides, boys don't usually become violent with their family when they start puberty. I would say something else is wrong. I know he is your son but if he gets violent again you need to call the police. He could seriously hurt you. He has some huge anger issues. You need to find out why. Good luck.

Testosterone does not cause 'roid rage'. That's a common myth about T. If he had anger problems before T he'll still have anger problems on T. He sounds like he has other issues on his mind that are causing him to become angry.

pinkcupcake,

Wow. That is kind of shocking. I agree with the others. Not that it is in my wheel house but I don't know of testosterone causing that kind of anger. I will admit, when I had a lot of T in my system, I was angry and upset a lot. However, that was not like this.

I applaud the persistence with which you and your husband are interacting. There has to be room for forgiveness from either side and it feels like it is only coming from yours. Neither of you should expect that kind of behavior. So sorry it is happening. I think you are smart to set up a session for you all to work through this.

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His physical assault of you and verbal disrespect to both you and your husband is totally unacceptable, T or no T.  I think what you are already planning on doing, beginning with counseling, is the right thing.  I also agree that if the assaults continue then calling the police may be necessary.

However, I disagree that Testosterone cannot cause these eruptions.  There undoubtedly is some underlying anger issue but a high level of testosterone can fuel the rage with violence.  In my case it never resulted in physical violence against my mother (with one exception) but it did result in an anger so raging that I broke my hand punching a door on one occasion and nearly severed a tendon punching a heavy ceramic cookie jar another time.

The exception I mentioned above happened when I was 12 and my mother reached out to slap my face, I don't remember why.  It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't have to put up with that anymore so I reached up and grabbed her wrist before she could hit my face.  That was the end of being slapped.


Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote

Before I was free of testosterone, I would get angry but I knew enough not to express it physically so I would contain the anger until I cooled off. This isn't true of everybody. My roommate, her son, father and grandfather would all release their anger physically. The family stories vary from putting a fist through a door, strong emotional outburst and driving a model T engine out of the bottom of a car with a sledge hammer.

It took years but I was able to teach my roommate how not to get angry and when she did, not to inflict it on others. Therapy can teach coping skills and if your son is unwilling to address these issues, consider not assisting in administrating testosterone to him. For a small number of people, testosterone can be a catalyst to anger and your son may be one of them.