My dysphoria about my genitals is actually growing worse. I wrote about this here a week or so ago. It's depressing in the more sexual way but ya it hurts overall more and more.

I envy soo much of what I should have that I dont have. I hate what is down there. Anything sexual for me is a waste of time and everything about my genitals is what Im not. If I could snap my fingers and have a vagina, I would!

Masturbation, sex anything of it just awful to me with what I have. I hate my penis, erections and anything else with it and ya 2 minutes and bam, finished type of crap deal I got. This is why I just avoid it and I do well avoiding it all but sometimes like today it brings me down.

The worst part is it can't be changed quick or like I want and I had to live with yesterday, live with it today and will tomorrow. Most days its not that bad or I dont even think about it some. I avoid it so I dont have to suffer for if I avoid something like this, I wont hurt and I def am tired of hurting.

Hi Larissa,

You don't offer a lot of context to your situation, but I did read a couple of pages of your prior posts.  You are on HRT now, yes?  Do you take an anti-androgen besides finasteride? 

I ask only because I have also had increased genital dysphoria since going full-time as a female, so I can relate to how you feel. However, I have zero sex drive, so masturbation or other sexual activity is not part of my life right now.  Do you think your dysphoria would be less if you didn't have sexual thoughts, or is it more gender-related, as mine is?

You can't, of course, snap your fingers and change your genitals, so the best thing you can do for yourself is have a rational plan for transition.  Sometimes just knowing you have plan and you are working towards a goal can help quiet the sense of frustration you feel. You have a therapist, so that is good. If you have an endocrinologist, talk to him or her about your dysphoria and see if there is anytime that can be done about having HRT regimen adjusted to decrease your libido. It might help.

For most of us, being transgender sucks.  There is no way to sugar-coat it.  It is a very difficult path, and transition is both the solution and the problem, a cure and a curse.  Hang in there, sweetie.  It can and does get better.

With kindness,

Terri

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on June 24, 2017, 08:30:21 PM
Hi Larissa,

You don't offer a lot of context to your situation, but I did read a couple of pages of your prior posts.  You are on HRT now, yes?  Do you take an anti-androgen besides finasteride? 

I ask only because I have also had increased genital dysphoria since going full-time as a female, so I can relate to how you feel. However, I have zero sex drive, so masturbation or other sexual activity is not part of my life right now.  Do you think your dysphoria would be less if you didn't have sexual thoughts, or is it more gender-related, as mine is?

You can't, of course, snap your fingers and change your genitals, so the best thing you can do for yourself is have a rational plan for transition.  Sometimes just knowing you have plan and you are working towards a goal can help quiet the sense of frustration you feel. You have a therapist, so that is good. If you have an endocrinologist, talk to him or her about your dysphoria and see if there is anytime that can be done about having HRT regimen adjusted to decrease your libido. It might help.

For most of us, being transgender sucks.  There is no way to sugar-coat it.  It is a very difficult path, and transition is both the solution and the problem, a cure and a curse.  Hang in there, sweetie.  It can and does get better.

With kindness,

Terri

Nope Im not on hrt. Ive been trying to not have to transition but I find as time goes by it becomes harder to live as the body you were born in. I dont take anything else except for finasteride.

Id def be less dysphoric if I didnt have sexual thoughts coming to me. It's also def gender related. It's a bit of both. Ive read where trans people have had this problem and have learned to live with their birth genitals. Ive tried to learn to be okay with my genitals as they were from birth but it doesnt work.

My thing is just to stay away from anything sexual. I know the pain it brings so it shouldnt be a problem for me since its something I hate anyways and have tried everything to be okay and nothing works and so that's okay, Ill just stay away from it.

I hope things get better one day! Ya being trans really does suck bad.

An anti-androgen like spironolactone can help immensely with that.  It did for me, anyway.  My sexual desire went to zero. Where are you getting your Finasteride?  From your PCP? Ask your therapist if he/she can can refer you to an endocrinologist. Even if you are not ready to socially transition, low-dose HRT can help a lot with dysphoria.  It buys you time until you decide what you want to do with the rest of your life.

With kindness,

Terri

Sometimes going on HRT is enough, sometimes HRT and expressing can be enough. For me I needed to address my dysphoria and fully transition. I tried very hard to resist but once I addressed my dysphoria and got use to the social transition then I needed to fully transition.

Perhaps addressing you dysphoria to whatever level you need is your next step.

HRT definitely helped me with reducing my sex drive.  That solved a lot of the dysphoria for me or at least lessened how often I experience strong anxiety or depression from it. However, I never felt dysphoric about my dangling parts before.  Much like Terri though, the more I get out and experience life as my authentic self, the worse I'm starting to feel about that area and the lack of proper equipment.  I'm on HRT but have months yet before I'll be going full-time.  I've not made a decision about GCS yet but as time goes on it seems more and more likely.

I'm not at a point where you are as far as having sex drive but not enjoying the relief of actually acting on it.  I still have some drive and I do take care of myself from time to time.  I'm able to enjoy it but I'll also admit that when I do I still wish I could be experiencing it with the right equipment. 

IDK if sharing my experience helps.  It certainly won't fix anything for you.  However, please know that what you're going through is a normal part of the transgender experience.