I wrote a long post about the fears.

But it seemed so self centered so I just wanna ask, how do you deal with it?
How can you overcome these fears?

For me it's cost benefit analysis.  the benefits of moving forward greatly exceed the costs
of remaining static (succumbing to my fears).  Most of the time in life our greatest dreams and fears do not come true; reality is somewhere in between.

How will you feel if you don't take that next step?  At 45, i regret the things i haven't done more than the mistakes i've made.

Family, Friends and Support! I will over come and I will not be a Victim!

Quote from: MissKairi on June 25, 2017, 08:43:29 PM
I wrote a long post about the fears.

But it seemed so self centered so I just wanna ask, how do you deal with it?
How can you overcome these fears?

For me, I constantly remind myself of my goal. I want to understand what its like to be in a body and a gender role that I'm comfortable with. What's helped me with that is finding other trans women with situations similar to me who are further down the path. I use them as inspiration.  I have one friend in particular who is a few years older than me, dealing with separation, has kids, etc. similar to me.  She's about 12-13 months ahead of me in transition and has already found an amazing level of happiness just from living as her authentic self. Seeing pictures of her and how happy she is, talking with her and hearing all the great stories of her experiences, etc. really helps motivate me.

That motivation is key because I've found it's the motivation to continue the progress forward that allows me to overcome fear. With each step I take that goes successfully, it also helps me get over the fear.  It reinforces that my fear is in my head and is something I can control. My fear comes from agonizing over the worst possible scenarios without giving equal consideration to how positive things could go. 

So I take the inspiration I find in others, the knowledge that things can and usually do go well (the worst ideas in my head never seem to happen), to convince myself that its worth any risk and that it's something I need to do if I want to reach my goal and really experience that level of happiness that I've never known before.  It doesn't mean I don't still feel the fear, but I'm able then to push through it.

Hope that is helpful.

I just do the mirror test. Every morning I look in the mirror and ask myself who I see. I see Sinclair, and she needs to live. I have no societal fears that I don't think I can't overcome. There are family issues one must address. Some of the fear is age related IMO, and as I have stated before, those that can say "been there done that" with the male role have a little easier path IMO. Buckle up, it's a journey with plenty of fears and tears ... but, I have been there done that, I see Sinclair in the mirror, and now it's her time. 

I recite the Bene Gesserit  Litany Against Fear.

It's from the novel Dune by Frank Herbert.  Definitely worth a read.

Quote from: Jane Emily on June 25, 2017, 11:13:38 PM
I recite the Bene Gesserit  Litany Against Fear.

It's from the novel Dune by Frank Herbert.  Definitely worth a read.

I remember an incident from about 25 years ago.  I was having my coffee one Saturday morning, and my son had his Saturday morning cartoons (remember those?) on the TV.  This sad little puppy character was frightened for some reason, and (in a kids cartoon, mind you), I hear the character say, "I must not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer..."   

I had to get a towel to mop up the coffee.

Fear is a real problem, though.  We somehow have to find the strength, from desperation or willpower, to overcome it and forge ahead, or it will consume us.

It is scary.
scary obviously because of the reactions but also scary thinking "what if I am wrong?"

This is going to sound odd but I'll try to explain it the best I can.

The first few times Tamara went out Tynan was really nervous and had lots of fear.

When I realised that I wasn't Tynan being Tamara but I was just was Tamara and that I should be able to be myself in public it all kinda just fell into place for me.

It's funny tho, when I was worried about passing and fearful of how people would react I failed constantly and felt like people were judging me.

The second I started owning it, showing confidence and being me I started getting gendered correctly, I was no more passable then the day before physically but with the extra confidence it made a huge difference.

I had read heaps of posts that said basically the same thing and kinda up until it happens didn't believe it, but in all honesty confidence is key. Once you have been out a few times and had a few positive experiences the fear will go away by its self

(The fear of coming out to family and friends however was a lot harder to get over. But in the end I'm super glad I told everyone because now I'm not having to hide myself)


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I like to think of fear in terms of perceived danger and actual danger.

Perceived danger is a product of the imagination and is usually a fear of the future or past events that we have no control over. We can learn from the past but can't effect it, we can plan for the future but have no clue as to what the outcome will be. 

Actual danger is rooted in the here and now and usually triggers a fight or flight response as biological signals are sent to ready us for immediate action to protect ourselves or run for the hills.

So one type of fear we can do something about as it's grounded in reality, the 'here and now', 'in the moment'. The other, 'imagined fear' we'd need a time machine for. Sure we can be influence by past events in the hope for a better  future, but it's still only a best guess supposition and not grounded in reality. The future hasn't happened yet and the past is the past. Times change, societies change, values change.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

You mentioned in a different thread, the exhaustion and frustration of having to go back and forth between your authentic self and the male costume.  I'll tell you, that exhaustion can be another motivator to help you push through the fear.  It's another thing I've been able to leverage.  Especially if I'm already wearing my clothes at home (as opposed to the male costume), I get fed up with changing back to the costume and putting on an act.  So more often then not now, I'll just go out in what I'm wearing.

I take a deep breath, remind myself that nobody cares and head out.  It's only scary the first few times.

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Quote from: AlyssaJ on June 26, 2017, 01:11:17 PM
You mentioned in a different thread, the exhaustion and frustration of having to go back and forth between your authentic self and the male costume.  I'll tell you, that exhaustion can be another motivator to help you push through the fear.  It's another thing I've been able to leverage.  Especially if I'm already wearing my clothes at home (as opposed to the male costume), I get fed up with changing back to the costume and putting on an act.  So more often then not now, I'll just go out in what I'm wearing.

This is my next goal
Its exhausting and just annoying. I want a sandwich so I have to wear mens gear to do so? it seems so silly.