I jump all over the forums quite regularly just to soak up as many viewpoints from as many different individuals as possible.
There's one thing I've noticed about female-minded people that doesn't seem to occur as much (or at all) with FTM's: The tendency to refer to oneself in third person.

My cisgender fiancée does this every now and again, as well: "<her name> needs water. You should grab me some."

Forums: "I went out as <__> tonight." etc.

It makes me wonder if this is an inherently (subconscious, even) feminine trait. Sort of intriguing, really.

I can't say I've ever heard a cisgender woman refer to herself in this way. Perhaps it's a quirk of your fiancée? Or maybe something to do with the culture she's from or the local culture wherever you are? I've lived in several countries on two continents and I've never come across this before.

No, I think you're spotting something entirely different happening in the fora: it's fairly common for trans women who haven't yet (fully) transitioned - who present as male in their everyday lives - to leave a comment here when they've been able to step out in public 'dressed' (i.e. presenting as female) for the first time. Before a trans woman can fully transition, she'll often create an 'alter ego' for her female self... which is why they refer to themselves in this way. Being able to step out as their true selves is both daunting and exhilarating and it takes a great deal of courage to achieve, so it's no wonder that many of them will make a post here to celebrate the occasion!

Once they go full-time, they never say things like that again because their female identity becomes their full-time identity, and their old male identity then gets discarded or relegated to 'alter ego' status. So you're noticing a very specific stage of transition, and not a common trait in women - either cis or trans - who present as female full-time.

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Forums: "I went out as <__> tonight." etc.

You mean when people have those alter ego names for the person they want to be or who they are inside?

Yeah I do not see FTMs doing this as much. I certainly have never done it or felt there was a second personality inside of me requiring a separation.

Perhaps it's because men are more oppressed by society in expression. Women can express that more without someone coming down on them and trying to curtail it, whereas men trying to express something feminine while still being perceived as men often have to do it very carefully, even secretly. It seems to lead to some people having to keep the true self hidden as MTF, and referring to it as a separate entity that can only come out some of the time while the individual is being required to hide it. It seems to go away once the individual is finally able to live fully as a woman.

I have never reffered to myself in the third person. I find people who do a bit odd actually.

Now that you mention it.....I've noticed that. I only really talk in third person when I'm speaking for my dog. :T

Quote from: transguymac on June 27, 2017, 02:59:45 PM
Now that you mention it.....I've noticed that. I only really talk in third person when I'm speaking for my dog. :T

LOL, me too, and then it is usually woof, woof! 

Quote from: FTMDiaries on May 19, 2017, 05:58:24 AM
No, I think you're spotting something entirely different happening in the fora: it's fairly common for trans women who haven't yet (fully) transitioned - who present as male in their everyday lives - to leave a comment here when they've been able to step out in public 'dressed' (i.e. presenting as female) for the first time. Before a trans woman can fully transition, she'll often create an 'alter ego' for her female self... which is why they refer to themselves in this way. Being able to step out as their true selves is both daunting and exhilarating and it takes a great deal of courage to achieve, so it's no wonder that many of them will make a post here to celebrate the occasion!

Hmm, to be honest I never felt this way nor did I ever write this, or create an alter-ego. I have seen it happen, but it's the same for all. I never needed to create na alter-ego...I just feel like me.

I've never really spoken or wrote in the third person as such, but I may be the rare FTM that -did- somewhat create an alter ego when still living as a female. He had a different name than I did at the time, and sometimes when I got really depressed, I'd channel him telling me it'd all be okay and that I'd be able to live as him soon enough and other encouraging things. That might be a bit strange, but it did comfort me!

Quote from: Bacon on June 28, 2017, 03:59:39 PM
I've never really spoken or wrote in the third person as such, but I may be the rare FTM that -did- somewhat create an alter ego when still living as a female. He had a different name than I did at the time, and sometimes when I got really depressed, I'd channel him telling me it'd all be okay and that I'd be able to live as him soon enough and other encouraging things. That might be a bit strange, but it did comfort me!

Dude. Reading some of your posts honestly invoke something like deja vu sometimes, haha. My "male self," before I realized he was my true self, sort of channeled through me and told me things would be okay as well.

Honestly, "Seth" started as a character, I suppose, but he took on essentially all my traits with time and turned into someone I carried with me everywhere. It took a long time to realize that he was the real me the whole time. We were exactly the same, the only real difference being he was physically male. Being sexually abused made the whole thing very confusing; it reinforced my female body while at the same time highlighting my discomfort with it, and generally making it harder to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't really female inside. That probably sounds confusing, but I can't think of how else to phrase it.

So I guess I'm one of the few FTMs who did, for a time, refer to my "male self" in third person, probably for a similar reason that some MTFs do: it wasn't safe yet to just be my true self, so I had to keep that self hidden and separate. If I hadn't kept it kind of separate during the time it wasn't safe, I would have been consciously denying myself for... over ten years while dealing with PTSD and abuse. It would have been too much to handle, I think.

I never did, nor do I currently do, the "<insert name here> needs to go to the kitchen," etc., thing though. I don't really understand that one lol.

Quote from: seth.james on June 28, 2017, 07:13:00 PM

Honestly, "Seth" started as a character, I suppose, but he took on essentially all my traits with time and turned into someone I carried with me everywhere. It took a long time to realize that he was the real me the whole time. We were exactly the same, the only real difference being he was physically male. Being sexually abused made the whole thing very confusing; it reinforced my female body while at the same time highlighting my discomfort with it, and generally making it harder to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't really female inside. That probably sounds confusing, but I can't think of how else to phrase it.

I can relate to this.  I always had an alter ego. It started when I was pretty young, and then by the time I was 12 or so, I was just that alter ego in my head.   I just lived as a guy in my head while nobody around me had any idea.   He had a name, but it's not the name I would use now. If someone was talking to me I would just automatically think they were talking to him instead of who they thought they were talking to.  Eventually he was really the one who was 'out' all the time even though nobody knew that except for me.   It is similar to what Bacon said about channeling the alter ego.

I was also sexually abused growing up (for quite a few years) so I've dealt with the depression, PTSD, and panic.  When I was being abused, I would go off into my head with my alter ego so the male part of me was able to protect me to a certain extent.  And I understand what you mean about highlighting the discomfort with your body.

In my head I don't look anything like what people see. I have my own image of what I look like as a guy. It will be interesting now that I've started T to see if I will end up looking like what has always been in my head.

The only time I've referred to myself in the third person was for comedic effect. I really don't know any people who really do that on a regular basis.

BTW: I like the name Seth.   

Quote from: JayBlue on June 28, 2017, 08:04:03 PM
I can relate to this.  I always had an alter ego. It started when I was pretty young, and then by the time I was 12 or so, I was just that alter ego in my head.   I just lived as a guy in my head while nobody around me had any idea.   He had a name, but it's not the name I would use now. If someone was talking to me I would just automatically think they were talking to him instead of who they thought they were talking to.  Eventually he was really the one who was 'out' all the time even though nobody knew that except for me.   It is similar to what Bacon said about channeling the alter ego.

I was also sexually abused growing up (for quite a few years) so I've dealt with the depression, PTSD, and panic.  When I was being abused, I would go off into my head with my alter ego so the male part of me was able to protect me to a certain extent.  And I understand what you mean about highlighting the discomfort with your body.

In my head I don't look anything like what people see. I have my own image of what I look like as a guy. It will be interesting now that I've started T to see if I will end up looking like what has always been in my head.

The only time I've referred to myself in the third person was for comedic effect. I really don't know any people who really do that on a regular basis.

BTW: I like the name Seth.   

That kind of gradually "becoming" what once seemed to be an alter-ego... sounds very familiar to me.

Nice to find so many people here I can relate to. Honestly I've found more people here that I can relate to in the last several days than I've ever found elsewhere. The male part of me was definitely a protector as well. Of course, that means he took the worst of it; now that I'm coming to terms with myself as that guy in my head, I also have to come to terms with the abuse again and reprocess it all. Some of the trauma issues have been coming up again since I realized I was transgender; definitely a lot of old shame with feeling like I was "hiding a guy inside," when in fact that guy was me. It's kind of surreal actually, like pieces of myself came together and now he's all that's left; I'm all that's left. Things seem simpler now.

I think being on T will feel like I'm getting the opportunity to grow into the self I wasn't allowed to be for a long time. A lot of people want really fast changes, and while I know I'm going to get impatient at times, I know I need that "second puberty." I need that growth period.

And thanks! I quite like it myself. 

Quote from: seth.james on June 28, 2017, 08:38:35 PM

Nice to find so many people here I can relate to. Honestly I've found more people here that I can relate to in the last several days than I've ever found elsewhere. 

I think being on T will feel like I'm getting the opportunity to grow into the self I wasn't allowed to be for a long time. A lot of people want really fast changes, and while I know I'm going to get impatient at times, I know I need that "second puberty." I need that growth period.

Yea, these boards are great. I am so glad I found them. I plan on becoming involved in my local transgender society, but there are so many different types of people on here that it's great to have different opinions and experiences to compare. Plus the tips have helped so much. I hope that I can give back as I get further along in this process.

I never thought of it like a growth period, but that seems like a very healthy way to look at it.  Since I'm starting this transition process a little later in life, I am more on the impatient side of things. Well especially with top surgery.  The other changes with T, I'm not as crazed about because I am so focused on wanting the top surgery, which can't happen until next May. 

I've never really done that.... I can't really recall doing that....

Since my GF and I don't live together but have been dating since before I stared to transition, we'll often text each other in third person. I never do it in person or with anyone else, but it seems to help her remember to use my pronouns- especially when she can't use them around her parents.  I also know that she has been cautiously dipping her toes into other areas of the gender spectrum and I hope that if she wants to try new pronouns, that these silly third-person text chains are the safe place to play around in.