Ooh boy, get yourself a soda and get comfy cause I like to tell others about my experiences. I really do.
Unlike you, I am a transgender boy, born as female, who isn't even fully into adulthood yet. (at time of writing this) To start out, as a young child, let's say about 5-8, I kind of felt disconnected from other girls. Granted, I wasn't even 10, so the word "transgender" didn't even exist to me. I always found males more appealing to me, the way they looked, the way they carried themselves, the fact that they can be so brave and hard shelled in public but so soft and gentle behind closed doors. As a young child I didn't do "girly" things, and when I did, I felt shameful for it. I had a passion for fishing. I enjoyed the outdoors tremendously, still do. I enjoyed rough-housing with my friends. I was the opposite of a girl. When I came into terms with myself, my earliest memory of truly feeling like a boy was when I was 7. I remember making a comment about a cute Barbie doll and then apologizing to my mom and asking, "So it doesn't bother you?" and things like that. I remember coming home that day wondering why I seemed to be so embarrassed about it.
The word "Transgender" didn't come to me until the age of 12-13. Don't ask, I really don't remember where I had learned it or anything like that. I was not my best during those years. I had a really huge fight with someone who I thought was my friend and my social anxiety started to present itself at that time. I lived in denial. I lived in denial until I was 15 going on to 16. I remember forcing myself to wear traditionally girly clothes, the pretty collared sweaters, the flowy shirts, and on special occasions, dresses and skirts. I tried to do my hair and wear makeup. I hated it. I despised it, but I thought that if I forced myself to do it long enough, I would eventually feel like and enjoy being a girl. I wasn't even out as transgender, but when I was 14, I had been hit with discrimination at school. Not from students, the staff. It was because I had became close friends with a girl and the staff thought I was lesbian. Needless to say, I got in a lot of trouble at the time and it did play a part in me trying to live in denial of being trans. Especially after losing her to suicide right before leaving to go to high school.
First year of high school. Freshmen, got to love it, huh. I was angry with the world. I was upset and still grieving. November was my month of hell that year. I was suspended from school for a week due to a situation I wish to never talk about. This was something that hit me hard. I remember sitting in my Dad's office, completely alone. I had a lot of time to think. I remember questioning myself as a female. I never did and still didn't enjoy being a "girl." My body cringed every time my birth name was uttered and it cringed even more when someone called me "Ma'am" or "Miss."
I remember telling myself, "After this year, things are going to change." And change they did. I came out to my mother not too far into sophomore year. (Funny thing, I came out to her through text while sitting in Sex Ed class) Of course, my mom was okay with it. She raised me to never judge, and in turn, she practiced what she preached and never judged herself. I made strides since then. I worked on becoming, "Vince."
I got a chest binder, thanks to my mother. I got my hair cut short, which I love. I came out to my friends, which worked really well, if anything, it made the friendships even stronger. I even made a really really close friend from it. Now I am going to be a senior in August, and I am going to try and face the biggest challenge of all, coming out to the school and hope to get my name changed in the roster.
