Missy, what you say is really moving and contains a mix of memories of my marriage to a spouse who was abusive and almost certainly would have been moreso if I'd addressed being trans then and my current relationship with my gf who's been all to able to be supportive while blaming me for changes in our sex life. Her desire to be with men is like you describe and whether our relationship survives GCS is an open question.

Quote from: Bylandbyseabyair on January 19, 2017, 08:30:34 AM
Most transgender women I know say they can still achieve mild erections but takes a great deal of concentration to maintain. It is a give an take world.

Most trans women I know have no problem attaining erection, they simply need to get aroused. And that in turn is different from what worked before HRT.

For me the real thing is now far too dysphoric to want to keep and it's my expectation that post GCS I will be in the mood more often. Last weekend we went to a sex play event and it proved way harder for me to be in the mood than prior times. Being in that space after a year of becoming accustomed to hrt challenged my ability to engage in penetrative sex. It wasn't easy but after working through some feelings, we were able to have some fun.

A couple of wonderful things also happened, I joined a group of women doing hair braiding and bondage and it was really nice to have myself and my gf accepted into a group of women. The other thing was to see a different style of strapon harness than I'd seen before, suffice to say it made me hanker for penetrative sex in a way that I haven't felt in a long time.

I truly see a light at the end of this tunnel.

Quote from: SadieBlake on January 19, 2017, 09:23:31 AM
I truly see a light at the end of this tunnel.

Sadie,

That light is what we all entered the tunnel to see in the first place, right?

Transition works. It may blow up everything and everybody along the way, but if it is what we truly need, there can be no substitute that suffices forever.

I am glad you are feeling better and finding spaces to explore and be welcomed in as you are. These things make a difficult voyage far more bearable. I saw and experienced things in my own voyage that I would have never imagined seeing, let alone participating therein. Good for you for embracing your options!

I hope your GCS gives you the peace of mind you deserve, I know that living with my wrong array was not only painful but unbearable, as well.

I have been on both ends of the newer style strappies, and they are MUCH better than past contraptions, lol. Yay for progress!

:-) Missy

I disagree. If it blows everything up, it didn't work, by definition. It only helped in one area and can ruin many lives. That is my opinion.

Quote from: Cailan Jade on January 23, 2017, 04:22:56 PM
I disagree. If it blows everything up, it didn't work, by definition. It only helped in one area and can ruin many lives. That is my opinion.

My transition was predicated on the need to save my own life. I was suicidal constantly. Without it, meaning a FULL transition, I was a dead woman walking. My suicide would have impacted everybody I knew, especially my ex, but also my friends and family, so there is that reality averted. Yes, I blew up my career, but it had already fallen into disrepair long before my diagnosis, and it was based on a creation, not an authentic human being.

"Transition works. It may blow up everything and everybody along the way, but if it is what we truly need, there can be no substitute that suffices forever."

So, since I am no longer suicidal, nor a dead woman walking, then by definition, MY transition worked. Nobody's life was ruined, both my ex and I were unhappy pre-transition, we are both now happy and getting what we actually need.

So, in my opinion, my life, and my transition, and my definition, are all now in order..

Missy

This was a topic that was concerning for me before my partner started hrt. It has been a rather bumpy road I must admit. Since she has has been on hrt there has been a significant decline in sexual activities. I think partially due to dsyphoria and partially do to her inability to maintain an erection. For those reasons I find myself afraid to ever initiate any form of intimacy for fear of upsetting her. I've tried talking to her about it but she always seems to think I'm just talking about the lack of sex. She doesn't seem to understand that I don't really care as much about the physical act itself but I do miss the intimacy. It can be tricky. Good luck

Hello Heather and welcome to the site!  My partner and I have an open communication about what is happening on the 'sex front'.  Indeed there has been a decline, but being open on the topic helps find ways to make more pleasurable the 'fewer time'.  It really has become quality over quantity.  She is not afraid to initiate, but that is primarily because she knows that it does not bother me that much right now.  We both know that can change and if my dysphoria is an issue, I have but to say it and she is support.

Initially as my drive slipped away, I found that it was I that feared she would be upset with my seeming lack of interest.  I was sure it would bother her...but it has not.  It took a while to adjust to each of the new normals that we found ourselves entering in to, but now we are pros.  If it is possible, 100% open discussion on the topic is way to bring about an incredible bond in that way for you as a couple.

Hi, Heather, and welcome to Susan's Place.

As you can see, we have a very active and welcoming Significant Others area, along with other special interest and general discussion areas.  HRT and transition can have a significant effect on individuals, and this is a great place to discuss it.

I hope you feel welcome here, and can find good answers to your questions.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to take a look yet, please take a moment to go through them.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

Quote from: SadieBlake on November 16, 2016, 03:02:17 AM
I have (younger) friends who have no problems with either functional erection or orgasm, however conflicted they may be about anatomy, it still works for them. I also have friends closer to my age who have healthy and very happy sex lives, I don't happen to know the details.

For me after about 4 months on HRT my libido had been pretty drastically affected. I don't think that was only about the estrogen but a large component had to be. I was simply less interested in sex and while I could perform once in the mood, I had to work pretty hard to get to that mood before getting started.

Since adjusting hrt to include progesterone, my sex drive is much better. I'm quite able to become erect and if penetration isn't really my cup of tea anymore and I now need a different kind of foreplay to get warmed up, then for now sex is still mutually satisfying.

I know not everyone needs progesterone and it seems to not help some girls. I do think it bodes well that you both enjoy a varied sex life as that seems to be the most important element.

I am expecting to proceed to vaginoplasty, my gf is not 100% happy about this and I know that while we've been able to have great sex with me using a strapon, it doesn't offer me the degree of feedback as for PIV. On the receiving end I have been done by women who seem very able to empathize using a harness, my gf isn't so far so good with it. We're working on that.

It helps that we're poly so that a more masculine approach to sex is something she can still experience when she needs that.

We're brand new but planning to be in a polyfidelity at some point - with women as she's [emoji817] lesbian-identified.

I'm not sure how I'll deal with the changes in our current sex life (her preop clitoris - aka penis - is spectacular), but I'm just going to go with it.

After all, a week ago I was just a Vanilla divorced lesbian, recovering from a 14-year stint of lesbian bed death! [emoji23]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Dang, I haven't heard the term LBD in ages (first heard it from a gf who'd been formerly lesbian). As I was just at that time realizing I was trans and exploring lesbian identified sex, we ultimately weren't well matched in bed. She and I had great times and remained friends forever.

Wow, I had to look that one up.  I only knew LBD as acronym for "little black dress."