Hi everyone,
Just a few lines about me - I'll try not to make it too long and boring!
I became aware that I was 'different' at age 5. I was shopping with my mother and in a department store she asked me to ask an an assistant for something (she was looking after my baby sister at the time), and the assistant referred to me as a 'little girl'. I should have been angry but was actually very pleased. I wanted to be a little girl - why wasn't I?
A few months later at a friend's house and he suggested we play 'dress up'. I'd never played it before but he had a large trunk full of his parent's clothes upstairs, so it seemed like a good idea. He asked me, rather tongue in cheek, 'do you want to be the mummy or the daddy?' and much to his surprise I said, 'I'm the mummy!' I selected a summer dress and put it on over my clothes, and we enacted several scenarios. It just seemed right.
That was the start of a lifetime of cross dressing. My mother discovered me on three separate occasions over the next few years, but wouldn't talk about it. At one point I heard her say to my father, 'It's just a phase he's gong through.
That phase has now lasted 50 years. That's 50 years of denial, shame, avoidance, loneliness and depression. I got married as a 'cure', and I'm still happily married, but the gender dysphoria is still there and getting worse with age.
Two years ago I gave in and accepted that I am transgendered; such a relief! And two weeks ago I came out to two friends, whose daughter is transitioning. Those 50 years just came pouring out of me and I've never felt such peace about myself. Who knows what the future will bring?
So, that's where I'm at, and really pleased to be a part of this amazing community.
God bless, Jayne.
