I will apologize for the long post ahead of time.  My wife of 3 yrs. decided out of the blue that she wanted out of our marriage.  No good explanation, nothing, just "I feel I am doing what is best for me".   I met my wife prior to transitioning, she has stuck by me, supported me and I thought loved me through all of it.  We both came out of a bad relationship before we met and talked extensively about how much it hurt that they just walked away so easily and didn't fight for the relationship.  We both said that is not who either of us are, we would do whatever was necessary to make it work.......WT****!!  I just moved out of our home yesterday and moved into my own apartment, it is so lonely, I hate it, I miss my wife, I miss our home.  I have done everything I can think of to get her to give us another chance, I told her we could start all over, go to counseling, whatever she wanted or needed.  I told her I was sorry I know some of the mistakes I had made during the marriage and I would do all I could to change them.  Trust me, these are not ground breaking things we are talking about here.  We had some issues but it was not like we were fighting all the time or not talking or anything like that at all.  Now she is so indifferent to all of this.  She acts like nothing is happening, she is the happy-go-lucky person she always is.  I write her long emails, I text her, I get no response unless it has to do with the continuation of the dissolution of our life together.  I am so hurt.  Just before my wife I was with a woman for 16 yrs and she one day said I am leaving you for so and so, it's over.  I really put all I have into my relationships, I open up my whole heart.  I am not perfect, but I am not afraid to look in the mirror, own my ->-bleeped-<- and do the best I can to work hard to change it so I can be a better man and husband.  Now I am a 55 yr old man who only has had top surgery, I pass all the time, don't plan on bottom  surgery too old, too worried about complications.  I had a really hard time with my top surgery don't think I want to go through bottom surgery.  My wife and I had worked it out where I thought all was good for both of us.  Now what, I know that I am probably just really down on myself right now, but I feel like in this smalltown USA that I live in no lesbian will want me cause I am half a man, and no straight woman will want me cause I am still half a woman.  I have very little family, only a brother left.  I have lost both my parents, two brothers, and two best friends.  I feel very alone in this big world.  I am scared and I am not even sure what of.  Thank you all so much for reading my post, sometimes just having an ear helps me feel not so alone.

That sounds pretty rough; though not unfamiliar to these boards.

Seems to me the concept of romantic love for most people revolves around physical attributes, even among people who claim not to be focused on them - pretty much everyone (friends, lovers, exes) I have asked all sympathize with the partner of the trans individual than the trans individual's plight. I fully expect a similar outcome as you have got here, eventually. Love can be a pitiless game.

There's nothing you can do if the other person has closed themselves off permanently. You know you tried your best and that's all anyone can give. The problem is with her, not you, and if someone makes you feel continually miserable with their behavior no matter how much you think you love them, you are better off without. I completely understand the attachment problem - I've been with someone for nearly 11 years but I don't trust at this point the relationship will ever be what it once was; it will evolve into something else or it will die. It cannot stay the same.

The good news is it's entirely possible to make new friends and form new relationships. Preferably through some kind of activity because there's a shared interest and a means by which to have regular meet ups without pressure. You should probably also try not to depend on the presence of someone else even if you want to; try to focus on other things you want to do in life, things you want to go, do and see yourself, and you will meet people along the way. Try to focus on the positives of being in complete control of your own life now. The freedom, the space. Not to focus on the feeling of having lost something.

Loneliness isn't something I tend to suffer from, but I do understand it. The best way to keep it at bay is to keep busy and to meet new people, or to do something creative.

Hey man, that s...

I can´t give you much advice except to agree that if somebody has set their mind on going their own way, then that´s it. Don´t cut yourself short by pursuing them further. Or even trying to get an explanation.

I know your wife and you said what you said, but people change. Actions like these are based on feelings, I know that is not what you need to hear, but if she feels that for her it won´t work, then it won´t work.

It makes sense that you feel betrayed and also depending on her, but that changes too, it just takes time. Not everybody out there hates guys who have non-binary bodies. Not all straight women do, not all queer women do.

I´d say embrace the suck, let it out, and then try to see past it. Your life lies in front of you. I don´t know if you have ever considered moving out of the small town but perhaps it´s an option.

Edited to add: if you are withholding from bottom surgery only if you feel you´re too old, then perhaps consider talking with a surgeon. If you are in good physical shape, I don´t think that´s a factor.

That sure would be a shock especially when you thought that your wife supported you, and now this.

It is what it is, as the saying goes. And it is best to look at the positive side of it all. You are now free to make decisions that do not need to take another into account. Get involved in the community or other groups. You have all the time in the world now, and see how you go.

Stay optimistic.

Dude, that truly sucks.  But like the others said, if she wants out, she'll find a way/reason to leave.  Let her go and focus on yourself. 

I too am 55, but I'm still researching my top surgery and looking for a surgeon.  Transitioning this late in life doesn't mean the end, its a new beginning.  Same with your love life.  Leave your heart open, someone's bound to come your way, especially if you move or travel.  There are plenty of people that will love ALL of you in thi  world, just be patient.

Good luck man.  If you want to talk, feel free to PM me.

Ryuichi 

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