So due my personal experience so far I am really curious to know how other people felt when their transition started on the whole bathroom thing?

It's odd for me to use a men's room because 1) They're absolutely disgusting...Seriously dudes....Aim??? Heard of it??? and 2) I know that I don't currently pass.

Considering all that is about to change when I start HRT, I'm really stuck in a rock and hard place....Do I start going to the men's room, or what?

I always try to use the "Family" bathrooms if there is one available, gas stations and bars are usually fine because they're usually just like a half-bath in someone's home with no stalls and once I start passing I'll be using the ladies room far less, but I'm just so nervous to go in a men's room! Although I am transitioning and every bit of a man as they are (even if I'm technically not, yet)....I've been in women's restrooms all my life and I'm used to them....and I'm an anxious person when it comes to change.

I know it's just a bathroom so I'm being silly like the conservatives who want to keep me out of the men's room anyway, and that from stories I've seen, no one really seems to notice or care a majority of the time.

I haven't come out to my employer yet so I'm still currently using the women's room....But I really think about this so much it makes my head spin.

Everyone here knows I'm biologically female and very few know I'm going to be transitioning...even when I do come out I don't want to use either bathroom here at work because I don't want the women or men I work with to be uncomfortable. (This isn't a bigotry issue, I work with REALLY amazing people...I just think that since everyone knows everyone in such a small office it would be soooooo awkward!)

We have a genderless restroom up stairs with no stalls, just the toilet and sink, but I work downstairs now so I will feel awkward going up there every time I have to use the restroom, however I feel that work wise that would be the most comfortable for ALL of us.

Were you nervous about using the restroom of your preferred genders?
Are you still?
Am I just over-thinking all of this??? 

Not over thinking at all. I still feel anxious and intimidated using a public toilet. I know that guys don't pay attention to who goes in but I still worry I could get unwanted attention; not like you can't get cornered in such a small space. And I'm never sure whether you're going to get a whole line of men using the urinals while you're waiting to use a stall; awkward isn't the word .

At my old job after I came out and before I started T I used the men's toilets for the same reason you did. Which was uncomfortable for me personally but I'd be just as uncomfortable in the men's and I'm used to the women's.

Yeah I think using public toilets is an uncomfortable and awkward experience for everyone; cis or trans.

Growing up as a man, (admittedly in Aus) In my experience seeing women in men's rooms is far more common then men in women's. it's not unheard of for women to queue jump by using men's rooms and also in my industry many sites built during the 60-70s just don't have women's at all.

You are going to have to get use to the general disrepair and disregard to the facility'sshown in men's rooms because that is all to common.


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This is very relatable at the moment.  In most public spaces I tend to hover around the bathrooms and scowl/mope for ten or fifteen minutes before making a choice, or look for a small shop/restaurant with a single bathroom.  If it's somewhere I'm comfortable and well-known, I go for the men's, if it's somewhere that feels unsafe or I'm too tired to chance a confrontation, I go in the women's. 

Honestly, I wish they'd just put "toilet" and "toilet with urinal" on the doors so choosing where to pee wouldn't feel like going to war. 

That said, as long as bathrooms are gendered, I ultimately want to use the men's room, and I'm trying to get more comfortable doing so.  I worry that people will see me go into the women's room and make assumptions about how to engage with me--whether things like my pronouns actually matter, for instance.  This may or may not be something to consider at work (I think your comfort should matter too, but I respectfully understand that this stuff is complicated and what is safe/works for me may not be safe or work for you). 

I've been working on shouldering in and going into an empty stall confidently--no eye contact, just head in like you belong.  Guys don't really eye each other in the bathroom unless you're in a club with a large population of gay men and a large bathroom (tbh this is where I usually am if I'm out and about, but then most people there know me and I tend to hang out with a pretty gender diverse crowd so it's still a non-issue and I can go with a buddy if I'm really nervous that day), and also don't really chat/chill in the bathroom, so it's pretty easy once you get past the nerves.

Bathrooms really one of the bigger sources of dysphoria for me as well. I am years away from being able to comfortably use the ladies room but I do notice that (even in jeans and no make up) I start feeling a bit weird in the mens room. And it does not really matter if it is a public bathroom or one at work.

A while ago I was at a train station and my train kept delaying. I soon had to go but somehow did not dare to go to the ladies room (mens room was out of question due to skirt, makeup and heels). I was close to buy a ticket for a random train in the same direction just so I can use the train bathroom... Barely made it onto the train and run into the bathroom.

Work is also one of these topics. Mostly affects me when I am with customers, most of them do know and I do show up in full female outfit. Given that I can dress ambiguous I have started wearing dresses and be clearly female, so the mens room is out of question. They pretty much asked me to use the two gender neutral bathrooms and not go into the ladies room at all. Initially I thought fine, no problem. In real life it looks a bit different: These two bathrooms are usually quite a walk away from where I work. So a bathroom break ends up being almost a 20 minute adventure. They have a building exit door right next to them with a security guard posted at the door, so he sees me all the time and I am sure he noticed. And lastly: there is often a long line. Mostly of people using them out of convenience, not because they have no other choice. While it may be the best solution for the moment it also feels a bit discriminatory. At least this week I do overnight shifts and after a certain time I am the only female in the building, so I do avoid the extra long walk...

Not sure what to do in our HQ, I never noticed any kind of gender neutral bathroom...

If I plug up all my courage and venture into the Ladies room, I almost celebrate every time. But I am also super nervous and try to get out of there as soon as possible.

Not sure that will ever change. One thing I know for sure: For tomorrows train ride, it will be pants and jeans, just in case...

Part may be getting used to it.

I used to be a painter. When we painted rest rooms or changing rooms we just knocked and went in! You paint and leave! I hadn't thought about using the ladies if I ever get to transition. Men don't pay much attention to each other in there, in and out. Do women talk to each other, more than 'how ya doing'?

Quote from: Dani2118 on July 13, 2017, 11:00:08 PM
Do women talk to each other, more than 'how ya doing'?

Sometimes, oh yes. I have been in larger rest rooms where there was a group of about 10 women having a social gathering in front of the sink/mirror area. I suspect it's because with out the urinal, they don't feel their privacy is invaded in the restroom. In the male rest room, though shall not look at the others hardware or make any comments about it.

QuoteDo women talk to each other, more than 'how ya doing'?

Given the amount of time some of them spend in there, I've often wondered if they have a card game going or something!   

I agree which bathroom one uses when one is transitioning at work is a problem.  I am at an university and didn't want the other students I knew to see the restroom I used or see one of them when I was in the restroom.  I go to another building where I don't have any classes and where it is unlikely that I will see anyone I know.  I dress as many of the guys do and used the men's.  I can say that there has never been a problem that I have seen. Guys are in there to do their business and gone.  I had to use a stall and think only once or twice have I ever had to wait. Getting use seeing guys walking up to a urinal and go did take some getting use too. Also, many do not wash.  It does take time to get use to using the proper restroom.

I have never had any problems or issues with using the ladies room since I transitioned. But as a small androgynous boy I would sometimes get confused looks in the mens room though no one ever said anything to me. Actually Mac, from your pictures I would think you would get more questions and looks from using the ladies room. If I saw you come into the women's bathroom I would say to myself " I wonder why he's using the ladies room?"  I think the fact you present so well as male would cause the problems. From everything I have read it seems like the main concern over bathrooms is "men" being in the ladies room. It's kind of a bathroom witch hunt. I could picture someone going to security and telling them there was a guy in the ladies room after seeing you go in there. Personally I Don't care who is in the stall next to me as long as their poo and farts dont make my eyes water.
Julia

I'm incredibly lucky to work in a building where all the staff bathrooms are nongender specific. Everyone also knows I'm transgender and have been supportive. My boss is incredibly kind. I can't even describe how amazing he's been helping me to find the right medical care, reassuring me that I pass, brainstorming solutions to logistical problems, and just listening to me vent or angst. Seriously, I won the boss lottery here.

That said, when I'm not at work or at home, I have pretty bad dysphoria about the bathroom. I've used the men's room a couple times in very safe situations, but I'm kind of a small guy. I don't know how well I'd hold my own if physically confronted. As a rule, I won't use the men's room anywhere that alcohol is being served, because in my experience, that's the biggest factor in whether a guy will want to start something or just keep it to himself. Judgemental a bit, yeah, but it makes sense to me.

I also frequent smaller restaurants and coffee shops because they are more likely to have either a single bathroom or one-person bathrooms for each gender. These are the best options for me right now, because despite what my boss says, I don't think I pass 100% of the time.

Plus, I also have a phone app that I'm using to mark all the gender neutral restrooms in my city. In case I forget or for other members of the community, if there are any here. I would encourage others to do this, so we can feel more secure out in the world during the awkward parts of transitioning.

I hope to have surgery someday that will allow me to pee like a normal dude, so I remind myself that this situation is uncomfortable, but hopefully only temporary.

The very first time I used a mens room was in a mall.  I was at a meetup, and I simply had to go!  Without thinking about it too much, I went to the men's room.  Since there was only one stall and it was occupied, I waited.  There were a couple of other guys in there using urinals, so I leaned against the wall, and when one turned to look at me, I said " 'sup?" to him and nodded.  He simply went back to washing his hands.and I went to use the now-empty stall.  It was AMAZING!  And I was pre-T and definitely didn't pass at the time.

Soon after, I went on a road trip with the boyfriend.  We stopped at a rest stop, and I used the men's room there too.  Since there were truckers around (some of those guys were MASSIVE!), I felt a little more self-conscious, but I steeled myself and once again went into a stall with no problems.

I don't remember where I read it at, but men don't look at each other when they piss at urinals.  They often don't talk to each other either.  I put down toilet paper on the seat if I don't feel like hovering over it.  Be confident the entire time you're in there, and don't make eye contact.

If I was in your situation, I'd talk to HR and see what their proceedure is, and then ask their opinion.  Until you are officially transitioning, even if its just a legal name change, they might want you to use the ladies room.  Also, make sure your supervisor is made aware so they too can follow company policy.

Its easier then you think to switch bathrooms.  Just use the stalls until you get a STP or surgery that lets you piss standing up.   

Ryuichi

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The bathroom issue has been on my mind and it will become a pressing issue, maybe sooner than later.  I was thinking that the solution would be to use the unisex disabled toilet at work, but lo and behold! there is no disabled toilet at work at all! Surely this is illegal. So that option is now out.  There are however some public toilets not too far away and I might just use those.

In public places I will use mens once I pass as a male, otherwise there are usually plenty of unisex disabled toilets around.

It's interesting how it seems that women often use mens toilets when urgency overwhelms and all womens toilets are occupied. A friend of mine who is female very often by mistake goes into mens toilets ( not so sure about the mistake, considering how frequently those mistakes occur), and she's never had trouble.  But when I was younger and was often mistaken for a male, I often encountered shocked women when I walked into the womens toilets.  those times are over, alas, 

It's just one more little obstacle to overcome as I progress through T.

Not nervous; I just wouldn't use the men's room unless I was looking considerably male at the time, nor would I use the female bathroom any more these days. Out of general respect for those around me.

Where I am there is a public toilet I sometimes make use of where the person with the keys to it nearly always leaves either the men's or the women's locked in the early morning, in which case I'll use whatever is open because nobody else is typically around anyway.

I've not felt particularly nervous using public bathrooms; except in the case of very crowded ones (in which case I'd rather not use them at all). But that is just because I have an aversion to crowds and crowded spaces more than anything else.

I used the reactions of others around me to gauge what was the appropriate time to start using what bathroom. When the "sirs" started being the norm, it was time.

I absolutely loathed using the women's restroom pre-everything and would avoid it like the plague. When I did eventually have to go so bad I couldn't wait, I'd always get stuck in a stall while a pack of women sat and giggled/tried on one another's jeans/ate 100 calorie snack packs or whatever the hell else women do in the bathroom that isn't related to just pissing and leaving.

My salvation arrived pretty immediately after top surgery (got it before HRT). After spending two weeks recovering and chilling at home, I went back in to get my drains removed at the clinic. I had to use the bathroom as we were leaving and almost went into the women's room out of habit but something shifted in my brain at that moment and I went right into the men's room. I can't say I was nervous, but I definitely felt a rush from it--like a 'holy ****, this is it' sort of deal--and I never looked back after that.

By and large, dudes don't give a ****. They don't make eye contact, they don't talk/gossip/giggle and they don't linger. It's so much less stressful. Going to the bathroom for me now isn't even something I put an eighth of an ounce of thought into anymore.

Anyway, walk in anywhere confidently and you'll be fine. Exuding nerves, uncertainty and passiveness will draw the most amount of attention. 

What about periods though? I want to use the mens bathroom and I have no problem but I don't know when my periods will stop because I just started testosterone this week so.... yeahhhhh like Im sure theres no trash cans in the stalls and if someone hears wrinkling and then out walks my androgynous self they're gonna be like uhhhhhhh

I've been in both restrooms. Guys don't take much notice of eachother. But in womens restrooms I get looks. Ok I look pretty much like a guy. There is seldom a long line of guys waiting to take a piss. But girls! They spend as much time in the restroom talking, fixing hair and stuff as the movie was long.

One woman told me when I was 9 in the bath house locker room that "This is women's locker room, you have gone to the wrong locker room." 

There was indeed a time i was nervous about using the female bathroom. I felt like someone was going to make a scene or start of confrontation so what i did was the following : Use the female bathroom when i knew no one was in there, find a single stall bathroom or completley disosciate myself from my feelings and use the males and pretend i wasnt in the guys or i just flat out held it in hard until... well, those days are behind me now. I only use the ladies bathroom! Regarless of it being a gas station, resturant or very busy mall. I need to go where i belong!

Thanks for sharing everyone!!! It's definitely nice to get so many sides to the same issue. I've been in a men's restroom maybe 3 times, and 2 of those times was long before I knew I was trans.....Both of those the women's restrooms were out of order and they were empty both times so I was like meh and didn't really think anything of it because I wasn't even 13 by those times.

The 3rd time was when I was identifying as male, for the first long period of time that I did, I stopped at a gas station and I felt masculine enough to go ahead, but I walked in and it was SO disgusting that I couldn't bring myself to go, so I just stood there for a sec and then washed my hands and left....At that point I couldn't go in the women's room so I just had to hold it until I got home. Not the end of the world, but not very enlightening experiences.


Julia - I was actually worried about that. That's why I've been so confused on what restroom to use. Women's restroom are usually full and everyone tends to look at you, and I felt like I wasn't supposed to be in the last two public ones I went into.
Luckily everywhere I went today had disabled / family bathrooms so I didn't have to worry. Which worked out really well, because while my parents know I'm trans and don't really care, but my mom is still processing and I didn't want to make my mother feel weird either. So YAY!

Quote from: transguymac on July 15, 2017, 09:17:12 PM

The 3rd time was when I was identifying as male, for the first long period of time that I did, I stopped at a gas station and I felt masculine enough to go ahead, but I walked in and it was SO disgusting that I couldn't bring myself to go, so I just stood there for a sec and then washed my hands and left....At that point I couldn't go in the women's room so I just had to hold it until I got home. Not the end of the world, but not very enlightening experiences.

Gas station bathrooms are the worst for either gender. The other day, I was taking a drive up to the north shore for a day trip and stopped at a gas station to piss. Some guy had a blowout in his briefs and had just stripped them off and laid them on the floor. Exceeelleeennntttt.
That was the grossest thing I've seen so far, but I'll be honest, I've seen way grosser **** in women's bathrooms. In fact, the majority of men's bathrooms that I've been in have been way cleaner than anything I saw/smelled before. Also, you never get hit in the face with that classic 'hot period blood mixed with weird flowers' smell.

Anyway, what I'm ultimately saying is the gas station isn't a good litmus test. Best to just put that one of your head.