I just had a general question, how hard is it for a ftm transgender to find love from the straight, and or gay people? What prejudices do you see with people?

I am straight and quite binary in my identity and my attraction. I tend to be attracted to cis heterosexual women. I've given up pn dating until my phalloplasty is complete next year. Understandably and predictably straight women want a man to have a penis. I fins bisexual to be the most resistant to dating an FTM. The women I've personally come across that identify as queer, I haven't found attractive. Pure coincidence though.

Quote from: Wild Flower on June 29, 2017, 12:26:42 PM
I just had a general question, how hard is it for a ftm transgender to find love from the straight, and or gay people? What prejudices do you see with people?

I think it's maybe easier for FTM only for the sole factor that I think cisgender women are more open to the idea whether or not they're straight or lesbian.  (but I  don't know that for sure)

I am preop MTF.  I am attracted to straight cisgender men and straight preop transgender men. I have not personally been with a post op trans guy so I can't effectively speak on that aspect.   

I am very attractive but I find it impossible thus far to find love.  Cisgender guys I've encountered that know I'm TS only want to sleep with me and cis guys that don't know I'm TS want to date me, marry me, sleep with me, etc until I tell them I'm TS and then they are out the door lol.   

Keep your head up.  I've learned to just have hope that maybe one day I will find love but I think that it's just harder for trans folks unfortunately. 

It seems to me that many of us tend to "go for what we know," so to speak.  Someone that has similar thoughts to oneself.  I don't know if that the case with all transmen, but it seems that way with me.

I'm in a relationship with someone that, due to financial and family reasons, is unable to transition.  Before I began transitioning, since we were on such a similar wavelenght, we hit it off from the start.  When he's out and about, he presents as female, yet I treat him as male for the most part. 

I have been on T for 9 months, and he's been very supportive.  He understands much of what I'm going through mentally, and is able to be supportive with the physical and emotional changes I'm experiencing as well. 

I feel truly very lucky to have found someone that understands on a emotional as well as intellectual level the kind of person I am becoming.

And yes, I am one of those people that believes "there is someone out there for everyone."  Don't give up hope!

Ryuichi 

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There are way too many variables to that question to lay down a simple answer.
For example, a trans man may be unable to find a partner due to circumstances beyond anything related to trans issues. Instead, he continually falls back on the 'I'm trans, no one wants me' crutch because it's easier to lay blame on things outside of his control than it is to make changes.

Are there women/men out there that aren't going to be interested in you because you don't have cisgender male parts?
Yep.
There are also people that won't want you because you're fat/short/tall/skinny/pale/freckled/scarred/missing teeth/a redhead/etc. It's just another thing and it's not as much of a deal breaker as some people think.

You just deal with it and stay confident.

Quote from: Stone Magnum on June 30, 2017, 04:01:56 PM
There are way too many variables to that question to lay down a simple answer.
For example, a trans man may be unable to find a partner due to circumstances beyond anything related to trans issues. Instead, he continually falls back on the 'I'm trans, no one wants me' crutch because it's easier to lay blame on things outside of his control than it is to make changes.

Are there women/men out there that aren't going to be interested in you because you don't have cisgender male parts?
Yep.
There are also people that won't want you because you're fat/short/tall/skinny/pale/freckled/scarred/missing teeth/a redhead/etc. It's just another thing and it's not as much of a deal breaker as some people think.

You just deal with it and stay confident.

I totally agree. I would have no problem dating a transguy if I was attracted to him.  Attracted is the thing. He might not be my type but not wanting to date him would be because I am not attracted to him. Not because he was trans.
Julia

I find it's easiest to love other trans people at this point, because they get me. Pre transition relationships were a fear of mine, I was sure I would never be loved by gay nor straight males. Eventually, I found people who liked me for me, and they too understood what it's like to be in my place. So eventually I stopped worrying about that and let myself be. I'm not super worried about romance anywmore, I let it come, and I find wonderful people to love anyways.


As an aside, my gay friend who is openly sexual (he's already dating someone so it was a friendly offer) , confessed to me that he wouldnt mind having sex with me. That shocked me because, well, he's gay. He told me he sees me 100% as a man and that was probably the sweetest thing I've ever heard and made me feel happy.

Gay transguy here and I've dated exclusively gay cis guys. I don't think it's that hard to find love as a gay ftm. I've been with my current partner since before I was on T (~3yrs) He's said that he is attracted to the masculinity and not the genitals. I dated previous gay partners while I was in the military before DADT was repealed and they knew it might be 20 years before I could physically transition. I was just honest with them about my identity and my time line and they usually were cool about it. The only real negativity I have gotten is from straight girls (who I wouldn't be interested in anyways) But the gay bars are full of straight girls now so everytime I am dancing shirtless with my boyfriend (apparently everyone knows what top surgery scars look like these days) I always get some lame comment from a straight girl about "your partner is such a good person to date someone like you..."

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I´m straight, (after going through several episodes of confusion), but I think the chances you have in the dating game depend on your level of confidence in yourself and in the rest of the world.

Ergo, if you see yourself as trans (and therefore in the disadvantage) from the beginning, I´m not sure what your chances would be. Better just to see yourself as a person, a nice person with loads of life experience.

As for my experience, I´ve had men and women interested in me, but just like other guys I don´t want to get much involved until I´ve had my surgeries.

Ugh, I'm having issues. I had a girl that didn't want to do absolutely anything intimate until I did fully transition. Then there's a guy who is head over heels, but he feels shame because he doesn't think he will be attracted to me once I do start to transition. Honestly, I feel that it is a lose-lose situation. I've reached the point where I'm not even going to bother.

As a gay trans guy I've found dating absolutely impossible.

I had two decent relationships with guys before I had fully finished transitioning. Both guys considered themselves straight before dating me, and were originally attracted to be as a female-looking person. The first guy was my boyfriend before I came out as trans, and he took the news very well. He was fine with me being the dominant partner sexually, and didn't mind that I didn't want to take my clothes off during, so we got along fine. He opened up to it slowly and now considers himself bi, but out relationship didn't make it through the two years I spent being bounced around by medical professionals who repeatedly refused to treat me. I was a mess back then and dumped him because I didn't want to drag him into my ->-bleeped-<-, but we've stayed friends since.

The second guy was good friends with me before we went out, and knew I was trans before we ever dated. He always treated me like a guy and was happy to discover he liked being dominated for a change, but he had a long-term girlfriend and I was the guy on the side, so everything was just so messy it all fell apart.

Both of these guys only stayed with me because they knew me very well before the topic really came up, and originally viewed me as female.

Since finishing my transition and moving to a stealth life, trying to date guys has been impossible. No gay guys want a dominant partner with no dick. The problem when meeting new people now that I'm stealth is that the topic of being trans needs to be broached, and that's where the real issue is. If I lead with it absolutely no one is interested; gay guys run for the hills. If I don't lead with it, and hang out with a guy for a bit to get to know them, when I do tell them I've 'lied to them' about who I am. Cue Admiral Ackbar's 'It's a trap!' I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I've been trying to date for around four years now (currently 24 y/o) and never had a single kiss since the last 'straight' guy. Maybe it's nothing to do with the fact that I'm trans (I could be super ugly or just an unappealing person), but as far as I can tell it is the trans aspect that's ruining things for me every single time.

I've absolutely given up.

Even when I was in the closet, I never had a problem with people being interested in me. I was matched with a gay guy on MeetMe a few years ago, and even though we never clicked (let alone stayed friends), he didn't remotely care that I was trans and reminded me of it now and then. So as a pansexual trans guy, that meant a lot to me. I wouldn't be met with that kind of chillness until I'd meet my partner (now ex) again.

I guess it comes down to luck, something I rarely have. If I don't end up getting back with my partner, then I wonder if I used up all my chances or if I'll meet someone again.

I've decided to put having relationships on hold until after I finish transitioning. Too confusing otherwise. I am only interested in having relationships with men, although to be fair, I'm on T and having huge difficulties with the increased drive, so I'd have mindless sex with almost anyone right now.

To be fair, I've had enough relationships. I think I got that part of my life out of the way prior to starting my transition. I don't think I'll really miss out on anything.

Simply put, it's as easy or difficult as the other party finds it, to find love.

That leaves you dealing with a lot of confusion or non-interest from the 99% non-trans population of the world.

But, never say never. Plenty of people still find it. Love is more than body parts after all.