So Iv hit that wall. I'm starting to think maybe my life would be better if I reverted to being Tynan..

I have a very close relationship with my parents, they are (were) building me & my partner a house. They have always been there, they are the typical over caring parents that people wish they had.

I value my relationship with them very highly and would not be who I am without them, I can not picture life without them. But...

According to mum - I am murdering her son and she doesn't want to learn to like a completely new person that she knows nothing about. Particularly when that person is a woman and she hates women.

I am out completely, work, friends, family ect and I'm now Tamara 90% of the time - I still go by Tynan at work coz legal reasons.

I just don't know how to cope with it, she has been fine for weeks since I came out and my partner bought up HRT last night, because I'm meant to start E in a week (already on Sprio) and the world has come crashing down.

We are no longer welcome to live at the new house, we have to stay in our unit. She hates Tamara for killing her son. She doesn't want any more women in her life. She can't believe my partner is gay and that we are lesbians. She thinks I'm a ugly woman and that my legs are to thin and my torso is to thick and I'll always just look like a man with boobs. She is embarrassed to be seen out with me because she feels like everyone is judging her failure as a parent. Why can't I just be like boy George and be a feminine man.

And for the golden end blow..
Your not going to cut it off?? That would really be the end.. if you had SRS that would remove everything that ever made you my son.

Needless to say I have an amazing partner who stayed up all night with me to help me get through it, but maybe I would be better off just reverting to being Tynan.

I can cope with the judgement of basically anyone but getting from my parents and also such specific comments really was hard blow. I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if several of the things I wasn't already self conscious about but I really struggle with my shape and how it makes me feel less passable, So to have it thrown in my face was devastating.

I don't know what I expect as replies I just needed to vent. Sorry everyone.


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It is hard for a parent to accept the norm, then have it be completely flipped upside down. It could have been avoided coming clean at first, but I'm not shaming you. If she is accepting of you as you were, then give her time and she will see that you are the same person, but just reluctant to be completely honest due to the circumstances. Everything takes time, and Rome wasn't built in a day, all takes planning.

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I don't really have a good reply other than it can take a long time for parents to come around. It's something like the 5 stages of grief and it can take a long time for somebody to work their way through the list. It's not a sure thing your mother will come around but many times it does happen given sufficient time.

Your mom was very harsh but everyone reacts differently. I always believe true love wins, and if you give her time she might come around. I guess you have to outweight each scenario, what is better for you? Living as your true self and risking your relationship with them or having a great relationship with them yet resent them for not "allowing" you to be yourself?


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You are transitioning for yourself,  not your mother.

Warning: if you stop the medications make sure someone watches you closely for changes in your attitudes.  I became very angry after stopping and strongly considered killing myself.  Please be careful.

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Best way to fight the disapproval from women is to use their own tactics. Pay no attention to your mother and be vague and busy elsewhere, only noticing her if she is positive toward you.

Disappear out of her life..have excuses. Lead your own life. Make her chase after you, trying to get your attention.

I had to train my own parents to stop attacking my daughter and me every time we visited them..and I wasn't even aware I was trans at the time.
They just didn't like me, but no doubt my transmale tendencies were the cause. I explained to my daughter ahead of time, so that whenever my dad started in accusing either of us of imaginary crimes, I was like, "Look at the time! We have to go now" and we'd leave immediately.

It took a few weeks, but in time we'd trained them to be almost desperately solicitous.

Just ignore her. Ciswomen use this technique to control their men, and it works just as well on THEM.

Dear Tammy,

I also feel the pain that you and your partner are going through. In many ways I had the same, I loved my parents and they loved me, as their son. I left home and of course now 40 years later it is all a bit late as they are now dead.

What I will say is that you have already made the change and there is no going back. The genie is well and truely out of the bottle and I suspect your Mum will never be able to look at you in the same light so I would suggest plough ahead and live your life and be happy.

Sorry if the next bit is a bit brutal.
What I have said in the past to some members is to bring up the consequences of you not transitioning. Ask her if she would rather take flowers to her son's grave or share the life of her new daughter and her partner? If she says she would rather take the flowers well you know she loves a concept and not a person.

Quote from: Raell on July 17, 2017, 06:11:02 AM
Best way to fight the disapproval from women is to use their own tactics. Pay no attention to your mother and be vague and busy elsewhere, only noticing her if she is positive toward you.

Disappear out of her life..have excuses. Lead your own life. Make her chase after you, trying to get your attention.

I had to train my own parents to stop attacking my and daughter and me every time we visited them..and I wasn't even aware I was trans at the time.
They just didn't like me, but no doubt my transmale tendencies were the cause. I explained to my daughter ahead of time, so that whenever my dad started in accusing either of us of imaginary crimes, I was like, "Look at the time! We have to go now" and we'd leave immediately.

It took a few weeks, but in time we'd trained them to be almost desperately solicitous.

Just ignore her. Ciswomen use this technique to control their men, and it works just as well on THEM.

Wow Raell this is great advice! I wouldn't have thought about it. I might apply it as well, not with my mom but there's other people I can think of!

Thank you all for your replies!

I think/hope time will mend our relationship and I know they are grieving what they see as a loss.

So hopefully time will tell.
Thank you all again for your replies and I'll definitely be taking some of the suggestions onboard.


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