So to me the absolute scariest thing about transition is coming out. It really scares the hell out of me but at the same time I feel like it's really hard to do but once it's done it's over with yeah your going to have to talk about it a lot for the next few months but I feel like once I get over that hurdle what does it matter I can never take back that I have came out everyone e will always know I'm transgender.. do I feel like I would be relieved and finally feel free to live as my true self..

Hi Randy,

The good news is yes, it really, really lifts a burden from your shoulders.  The bad news is that for most people there is not one "coming out", but many.  You may first come out to your closest confident, then maybe your family. Then there are the people at work, with all the HR hassles, and then there is coming out to each of your friends, some of which will be supportive and some not so much. 

I have been full-time for about a year, and there are still some friends I have not confronted because I think it won't go well.  Kind of silly, I know.  If they won't accept me, there wasn't a friendship worth saving in the first place, but I am talking about friends I have known for years and it would be painful for me to acknowledge that loss.

In my heart I know that if you have to prune that relationship tree, it will be healthier and more beautiful in the long run, but it is still hard to face. As I once told another friend here, just about everything about transitioning is either (a) hard; (b) painful; (c) expensive, or (d) some combination of those.

With kindness,

Terri

It depends on reaction of the people important to you. If they are accepting, it's one thing. Or they might  resist and you would have to make a choice whether to comply or further damage your relations over and over again. In some cases flat out divorce is easier than constant struggle... but you don't have a right to transition until you take it with your own hands.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

For me, a huge relief. There was the "no going back now" moments and this sense of well, now life becomes a whole lot less complicated. My coming out process was not structures and not all at once as Terri talked about. I just started telling people like " yeah so this is new". A more monumental and stark coming out experience to me felt to artificial. As a person i am a person and not completely defined by my gender.

There are consequences and issues to be sure but there would be those no matter what.

Coming out is a huge relief.  Huge.  Before coming out to my wife, I felt like I had a 200 lb weight on my shoulders all the time.  Just getting the words out, out loud, for real reduced that weight to nearly nothing.

How people react will colour the feeling of relief.  As soon as I heard the magic words, "Whatever you decide to do, I will support you", I felt lighter than air!  I realize that not everyone is so lucky.  But I had been prepared for any response, and had the response been negative, I still would have felt the relief of getting the truth out into the world.  It would have been exchanging one burden for a different one, but the relief of speaking the truth would still have been significant.  That is why I did it.

Coming out is probably the hardest thing we do.  After keeping ourselves hidden for years or decades (I managed a half-century), in Western culture we deliberately violate our most deeply rooted cultural and religious taboos, face our perception of social and personal rejection and abuse from those around us we most care about, and step forward.

Now, staying hidden has been a key, if buried or suppressed, element of our psyche for a long time.  That builds up over the years as a tremendous burden, with all the baggage of dysphoria, depression, and anxiety.  Finally setting down that burden is a tremendous relief for us.   It may not be seen as such by those around us who cannot or will not understand what we have been through, so we could find ourselves faced with a new, if temporary burden to deal with.

That said, having someone else accept us, even support us in the act of coming out is a spectacular relief on it's own.  I felt like a death sentence had been lifted from me when that happened.

I remember how relaxed I felt after I called my sister and cousins to tell them although it took me weeks to work up the nerve. I continued to wonder afterwards if it was only because I was so far away. When I went out for a visit and they all showed up with my one surviving aunt and they all treated me like one of the girls? There are no words!

Heck yeah, huge relief if you ask me. 
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,226090.new.html#new

it helped me so much!! I'm not fully out yet, and it's going to be a long time before I am, but I came out to about 15 friends and it's just been so enlightening! I started coming out to people little by little back in February and so far everyone has been very supportive! I know it won't be the same for everyone but I'm very lucky to have some amazing people in my life, and coming out had brought me closer to a lot of girls I was just casual friends with before. I know it's going to get harder, but for now I'm building a core group of people who will support me and have my back and give me a shoulder to cry on when I need it.

best of luck when you decide to come out!!

I have found it to be a relief so far but it was also a source of fear for me too. Not the fear of telling people that we all share but a more personal fear. It was the fear I have of doing something irreversible again. Each step I face that I consider irreversible is a difficult challenge for me and this is one. First was my boobs growing on my chest, the coming out as  once done you cannot unsay it. There are more that I have yet to face but for now I'll stick to the coming out yes it is a huge relief and it forced me to face that fear of the irreversible. I still haven't made my grand announcement but have only told those I felt I must personally.

  Bring on the next challenge!,
   
Hugs,
   Laurie

Coming out for me has been beneficial overall, punctuated by a series of identity crises that had to be worked through.  I notice that I am actually at my most contented/optimistic when I have made a decision about how to navigate my transition.  For example, I felt good just deciding to take hormones.  Actually feeling better from hormones took a while longer.  The same pattern holds for other aspects of transition.

So far I am pretty much full time except for having to dress in drag for work. A lot of my anxiety and depression lifted when I acknowledged myself. Coming out has been liberating. Only person left to tell is my mother in law. My wife is more worried than me. Hiding it was so much harder than being it!

--
"You do realize, this means you get to do character creation & the newbie zone all over again? "

I'm out to everyone now and it was the best thing I ever did.

Yes there will be people who take it badly

But, for the most part everyone has been amazing and feeling like you don't have to live 2 lives is such a weight off your shoulders.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If you're accepted by the people you care about, perhaps.

If not, there are people who felt very much regretful that they did.

But in the end if the fact isn't going away, hiding it is a burden one is always carrying and psychological burdens aren't good for the soul.

When I finally did my last "coming out" on Facebook , changed my name and Photo it was like a big weight had been taken off me...for good or bad...its done. I think you have to make your own decision about timing and method. I did it in stages, Wife, brothers , parents. kids, extended family, close friends were as I could and finally face book publicly. Each time I did it I got better at it and felt better.

With the exception of two, coming out has been wonderful. Although losing the two has been difficult I feel incredibly better about myself and ability to self determine my present and future.

Quote from: Viktor on July 18, 2017, 06:45:01 AM
If you're accepted by the people you care about, perhaps.

If not, there are people who felt very much regretful that they did.

But in the end if the fact isn't going away, hiding it is a burden one is always carrying and psychological burdens aren't good for the soul.

all of this exactly
with friends who were supportive, i wished i'd come out sooner.  with family who was anything *but* supportive, i wished i hadn't bothered at all... but i did it anyway because i didn't want to keep living with that burden.  the way i see it, even so it has caused me more trouble in a lot of ways, at least now the issue is on them for not being accepting and not on me for keeping secrets.

Coming out is a relief and freeing. It's also kind of annoying to repeat the same thing over and over again lol.

I recently came out to my close work colleagues at work (we all work in a High Security Area for eight hours a day, bit hard to avoid), and moments after it I felt so... Confident. Even though people do occasionally slip up (i told them on Thursday, so I expected it), it's an incredible feeling to finally be referred to as male, as Stefan.

Of course I didn't know how people would react, in all honesty I was expecting a bit more resistance and hostility.

Quote from: KathyLauren on July 17, 2017, 07:24:16 PM
Coming out is a huge relief.  Huge.  Before coming out to my wife, I felt like I had a 200 lb weight on my shoulders all the time.  Just getting the words out, out loud, for real reduced that weight to nearly nothing.

How people react will colour the feeling of relief.  As soon as I heard the magic words, "Whatever you decide to do, I will support you", I felt lighter than air!  I realize that not everyone is so lucky.  But I had been prepared for any response, and had the response been negative, I still would have felt the relief of getting the truth out into the world.  It would have been exchanging one burden for a different one, but the relief of speaking the truth would still have been significant.  That is why I did it.

I agree, but it seems that over time, the weight comes back until it's no longer a secret to anyone .


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk