Hi I'm kaylin williams not officially but that's what I will go by I am mtf 28 and have a 1 year old I really want to come out but I'm scared to lose my son and family my wife knows I like wearing women's clothes and makeup but I havnt told her I'm trans I hate the situation I put us all in but I wanted to have a child with her and I love her but I know she wouldn't stay with me as a woman any advice

Sadly it's a matter of telling her and see what happens.  I told my wife fully expecting her to leave me.  Nope, she wasn't happy but wants to stay by my side on my journey.  I know I have a great wife and many don't have that.  So many here on the forums ended up having to separate from their wife because of wanting to be who they want to be. I have no advice but I really do hope that if you tell her that she will stay by you.

Others will chime in with ideas.  Consider them and see which one you think might work for you.  Take your time and don't rush this.  You have probably had your entire life to come find your truth whereas your wife will have seconds. 

Good luck.

I'm sorry I wish I could speak of happy endings...I too have the same background im 27 amazing wife two beautiful kids whom I love more than life itself, my wife tried she really did but it's one of those things that the person I portrayed when she fell in love with me doesn't match who she see's now...I sincerely don't even know my fate...I'm going back to therapy for answers this is all so hard to think about having to be without your family I've been suicidal and unable to know what's right so I hope you can be strong be brave and be you

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The first bit of advice is get a good lawyer and learn your rights. Don't tell your wife about this until after you have had a discussion with your lawyer. Follow this with a good gender therapist who may help you come to therms with your wife. From then on, it's mostly dealing with one problem at a time. You might want to look at this thread if you haven't already seen it. It was started by a wife who later discovered there was more than one transgender in the family. As such, the thread gives a good look from both sides.

In many ways it is better to tell her now than wait. The issue is that the trans beast will keep siphoning your soul until you face it. It quietly gets worse the further in life you go. Better to face it however you must now and not in another 10 years.

It's hard, very hard to admit this to your SO. In the end, not admitting it will be seen the same as lying to her. I know first hand that it is not fair to be judged a liar in this situation but after years together that is what she will feel like.

Prepare yourself. Telling her, like an earthquake will have aftershocks. As you see freedom from your own self created prison, she will deal with grief for who she thought she married. It can be rough for both of you. The problem is, you really have no choice. Eventually it will come out. No amount of denial or repression will keep your personal truth buried for life. And why would you want it to? In the end being whomever you TrueType are is the only way to really live.

You should tell her while you're both relatively young and the baby isn't yet fully attached to you (most babies won't remember anything until year 4 or 5 anyway), and let your spouse to decide if she is open to living with you as a wife and wife, or as a co-parent or want nothing more from you than child support. A good fight is usually better than bad peace


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Quote from: Kaylin Williams on July 17, 2017, 07:31:48 PM
Hi I'm kaylin williams not officially but that's what I will go by I am mtf 28 and have a 1 year old I really want to come out but I'm scared to lose my son and family my wife knows I like wearing women's clothes and makeup but I havnt told her I'm trans I hate the situation I put us all in but I wanted to have a child with her and I love her but I know she wouldn't stay with me as a woman any advice

I would follow Dena's advice if their's a good chance that your wife would take away your son and other things that are in your life.

Quote from: Dena on July 17, 2017, 11:06:39 PM
The first bit of advice is get a good lawyer and learn your rights. Don't tell your wife about this until after you have had a discussion with your lawyer. Follow this with a good gender therapist who may help you come to therms with your wife. From then on, it's mostly dealing with one problem at a time. You might want to look at this thread if you haven't already seen it. It was started by a wife who later discovered there was more than one transgender in the family. As such, the thread gives a good look from both sides.

If your not that worry about what your wife will do when you tell her. I would take some time to come up with something to tell her, about what you want to do.



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IMO you really should tell her you're taking female hormones.  That's kind of a big secret to keep from a spouse.

Dena, that link is PERFECT!

And SO true. Even for a partial transmale like myself, when my ex-husband came out to me as a nonbinary female last year, and said she wanted us to get back together I know the role re-shuffling would be daunting.

For instance, who is in charge? Usually females have that role.

Kaylin, I know that it can be hard to find quiet times for serious talks in the lives of busy parents of young children, but I'm hoping that you and your wife can have an ongoing open dialogue about your feelings (something my wife and I have been unsuccessful at doing, frankly).  Since she already knows that you dress, it seems like it may be rather natural to ask if you can talk about how you've been feeling about dressing and wearing makeup, perhaps begin discussing gender and gender roles, attitudes towards gender in society, etc.  in other words, perhaps you can begin talking about this more gently than just announcing that you are trans--get a reading on where she is at, slow it down, and keep some perspective that both of your lives are in a huge transition right now with not that long ago becoming new parents.  I'll bet she's quite focused on the baby, and this may not be the best timing for you to make this announcement.  I'm encouraging you to let the conversations lead there rather than bulldozing your way forward.  Think of it this way:  How can I present this in a manner that is least likely to frighten her and generate resistance?  (And again, all of this advice is coming from someone who realized my own true gender much later than you and, blundered badly in how I revealed it to my wife--in a letter to her that I read to her and she sat, stoic, dumbfounded, then refused to talk about it.). Good luck--I feel for you--I really do, Nancy

I think you are in very difficult situation. You know her the best, better than any of us, I think Nancy is right on when she talks about finding the way of talking to her without frightening her. Reassure her, She is going to be worried about the baby and the basics of your marriage along with keeping everyone fed and clothed.

I think your wife loves you but she is likely to have a whole set of emotions around her own sexuality and femineity to try and deal with, I wouldn't be trying to push any therapy on her or even anything remotely like that. IMHO You need to let her know she and the baby are still safe and secure in the relationship she has with you.

I think you need to tell your wife sooner rather than later
She might be really mad or she might stand by your side but letting go on without saying just makes it worse in the long run.
S