She referred to me as "he" when answering her husband question about a price that I told her a item was, it kinda took me as a shock considering majority of male customers tell me ohow pretty I am and how I should model and ask me why I'm not married because I'm too pretty to not be. So yea, it almost made me cry, but I didn't say anything to her about it, I kept my cool despite her looking me dead in the face without correcting herself.

Hi Anglelique sorry that happened to you I know it sucks I am sorry you have ignorant costumers that you have to deal with. I am just wondering did you try to correct her, I think you look beautiful, be your pic and your voice I could not tell. I do admire you. 

Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on July 18, 2017, 10:47:39 PM
Hi Anglelique sorry that happened to you I know it sucks I am sorry you have ignorant costumers that you have to deal with. I am just wondering did you try to correct her, I think you look beautiful, be your pic and your voice I could not tell. I do admire you.

no I didn't try to correct her, I just kept smiling and being kind to her.

It rocks your confidence when that happens even if when it's a genuine mistake. You aren't alone at some point along the way it happens to everyone because we are tuned into it. Sometimes we think to we hear it even when we aren't sure. If it was something that was happening frequently and it was a problem you might have to dig a little deeper to figure out why, but based on your comments it sounds like a random one-off.

Maybe she was just an ->-bleeped-<- who has a trans family member she hates and thought she'd quietly show how well she can clock any trans-woman. So she went out and you were the first person she ran into and she had to stick it to you -- Just because she can.

I'm often surprised at the lengths people will go to prove they own some kind of moral high-ground by being mean.

The Sun will come up tomorrow. When it does, you are going to have a great day.

Quote from: EmmaLoo on July 18, 2017, 11:03:08 PM
It rocks your confidence when that happens even if when it's a genuine mistake. You aren't alone at some point along the way it happens to everyone because we are tuned into it. Sometimes we think to we hear it even when we aren't sure. If it was something that was happening frequently and it was a problem you might have to dig a little deeper to figure out why, but based on your comments it sounds like a random one-off.

Maybe she was just an ->-bleeped-<- who has a trans family member she hates and thought she'd quietly show how well she can clock any trans-woman. So she went out and you were the first person she ran into and she had to stick it to you -- Just because she can.

I'm often surprised at the lengths people will go to prove they own some kind of moral high-ground by being mean.

The Sun will come up tomorrow. When it does, you are going to have a great day.

i even asked a trans female I work with who isn't socially transitioned (lives as male, but takes hormones), she told me nothing about me looked male and obviously that customer was just trying to be a bitch.

Sorry that happened to you, it sucks. People are disgusting, and it sounds malicious.<removed>


Moderator edit. OP edited their own first post but not before this post. The removed section refers to part of the subject that was removed.

Hi Angelique, you know, maybe you should've confront her right there rather than just look nice and smile? Not sure if you are in a position to stand up for yourself at work when servicing your customers, but if you are, making a short statement that you expect courtesy of being called with the gender you're associating if they expect any courtesy from you as your customers.


And if she's not understanding, I'd start calling her honey and flirting with her husband or ignoring her - anything to show them their business isn't much appreciated


Obviously, it's all good if you are in a strong position on your job and your manager / store owner would stand for you. Otherwise, .... it's good to imagine in your head (or call for less drastic measures would be needed, maybe just stop smiling and show your disappointment with them without actually calling for a confrontation).

And do you wear your name tag? Sometimes a little thing, such as female name on your chest would cast enough doubt in customer's mind to avoid using any gendered pronouns).

Quote from: elkie-t on July 18, 2017, 11:23:26 PM
Hi Angelique, you know, maybe you should've confront her right there rather than just look nice and smile? Not sure if you are in a position to stand up for yourself at work when servicing your customers, but if you are, making a short statement that you expect courtesy of being called with the gender you're associating if they expect any courtesy from you as your customers.


And if she's not understanding, I'd start calling her honey and flirting with her husband or ignoring her - anything to show them their business isn't much appreciated


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then she could have called the manager over and made a scene and let everyone know that I'm trans by yelling "he"; that is if she wanted a be mean about it.


Yep my female name is on my badge as big as day too. My boobs are noticeable too, and I wear makeup, and I have long hair, and I was even wearing a hot pink shirt, and skinny jeans.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on July 18, 2017, 11:28:43 PM
then she could have called the manager over and made a scene and let everyone know that I'm trans by yelling "he"; that is if she wanted a be mean about it.

She could, but if your manager would stick for you, she would be asked to behave respectfully or leave. Some bigger stores have transgender-inclusive policy and will do it.

Quote from: elkie-t on July 18, 2017, 11:32:31 PM
She could, but if your manager would stick for you, she would be asked to behave respectfully or leave. Some bigger stores have transgender-inclusive policy and will do it.

i added some more to that post to answer what you added to yours.

I'm just saying if you are the customer and she's a salesperson and you call her using <an offensive slur> (imagine swapping the roles), would she continue to smile or will she make a scene?


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Moderator edit: Removed a term that within this context is considered inflammatory.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on July 18, 2017, 11:33:31 PM
i added some more to that post to answer what you added to yours.

I saw it.

Btw, I am not critical of you in any way. You know better what you have to do to keep yourself above the water. I am just venting ideas for you to consider

On another hand, maybe that lady did not know better to use correct pronouns? Or maybe her husband is a transphobic jerk or religious and controlling type and she did not want to offend you but rather wanted to show him she's on his side?

After all, she did not address you directly 'sir', she was talking to him.

Without being there and seeing it (and even with), there are too much unknowns. Life is short, words heart but don't make physical damage, tomorrow will be another day.


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QuoteWithout being there and seeing it (and even with), there are too much unknowns. Life is short, words heart but don't make physical damage, tomorrow will be another day.

We've covered a lot of possibilities of why it might have happened, but the bottom line is, it happened to her as she described it. It was a painful experience that we can all relate to from some time in our transition. If it happened to me tomorrow it would still sting. All we can do is try and learn something from the experience and move on.

I'm sure Angélique will recover just fine.

As a person of color you better be ready for that trans phobia among my <removed>folks. Just the way they are made. I put them in their place


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Moderator edit: word removed to be consistent with removals previously.

The black community in the deep south is likely ignorant on matters of gender diversity and very fundamentalist in their religious convictions. The odd misgendering event is to be expected. Confronting it is pointless. One just has to accept you both live in different realities and move on.

The thing is, it comfused me because like I said everyday guys call me pretty and tell me I should model and ask me if I'm married. Even some woman ask me if I have children and then tell me to wait so it doesn't ruin my figure. How come all those people have no idea that I was trans, but that lady knew?

Maybe she just misspoke?  (used the wrong pronoun without thinking you're trans) Does that ever happen with native English speakers? I'm not sure because we don't have gendered pronouns in Turkish.

Big hug! Sorry that happened.<removed>

If it's going to matter to you why someone clocks you, you're going to have to react fast and say "I'm transgender and thought I was passing, what gave me away?" Personally I don't care what someone thinks about my gender. I have a great time with it if someone addresses me as female, then switches to male after I talk to them. They usually end up beet red. 

Quote from: xFreya on July 19, 2017, 06:10:12 AM
Maybe she just misspoke?  (used the wrong pronoun without thinking you're trans) Does that ever happen with native English speakers? I'm not sure because we don't have gendered pronouns in Turkish.

There's always that, too.

Hugs, Devlyn

Moderator edit: Phrase removed to match consistency of other edits.

That's what my trans coworker thought too, which is another reason why I didn't correct her.