Any of you who follow any of my posts know i was coming off a pretty good high of loving myself finally a couple nights ago. Last night was chillin solo again so decided i'd get all dressed up with no place to go and decided I'd enjoy some morning grocery shopping by presenting my real self in public so got my stuff did my nails and proceeded to start to dress when my wife decided to show back up i had already begun what i was doing so she shrugged it off and said proceed...what is always a very enjoyable validating experience was suddenly so awkward and uncomfortable I found myself shaking and disgusted in the only real version of myself I know because I care about this person...I made it to tge v store sweating uncomfortable and feeling defraded...the looks that I sometimes get in public for being pre-op I normally shake off rattled me to the core... i was consumed over it...my favorite part of going out shopping as my real self always concludes with a walk down the feminine hygiene isle and I wanted no part of any of it...with what little dignity I could find I payed for my groceries picked up my purse and my usual confident walk with my head up and eyes forward suddenly replaced by my sun glasses going on my eyes going down and my shoulders slouching forward...the drive home was spent questioning and doubting myself and who I am I got home and sat down ALONE in the bathroom down to only my bra and my thong my genitals still tucked and everything looking smooth down below i started to think and even let a few tears run some mascara down my cheeks as I got up and went to untuck my heart sunk....it just looked so right as is... and I noticed that thought I looked in the mirrors not noticing my running makeup but my chin...my jaw line and my Adams apple.... and I realized how bad I'd wronged myself to allow a bunch of worthless nobody's to affect me and my happiness...in the end I've decided nobody matters I'm done caring about how they feel because I get to feel like some sick messed up weirdo to accommodate there obsession over if I have a penis or not...I'm so tenderhearted I've felt so bad to be me and now I realize no that's not it. If my happiness offends you then get out of my life because I have mentally tortured myself over the years all because I'm changing my body to match my brain? Get over yourself!!!! I know alot of my girlfriends on here and my home boys have been subjected to the same hell and have been left with doubt I hope you can all relate and learn from my experience and be true to yourself because from here on out this bitch don't care I'm scheduling face surgery soon.
Hugs JJ [emoji254]

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

 

There comes a point JJ, when living the truth becomes the only thing that matters... What others think about how we live this life matters not.... I am the only one who has to live in this house of flesh that I was given... If I want to re-plumb the house and fix up the outside...Then so it shall be!!!!

Btw... Congrats on your year away from the devil's dandruff!!!! I am 22 years free of it now after giving meth 14 years of my life!!!

Onward we go brave sister!!!

Ashley Marie 😀❤️🌻

This hit me really hard about 3 days ago. It wasn't mine situation, but my co-worker. Two weeks ago my co-worker complain about eye issues, and I told him to go to the emergency room, he didn't think it was serious. Flash forward 2 weeks later, my co-worker discover he had retinal detachment (my hunch was macular degeneration), anyways he told the office, and no one cared.

No one cared either way, it was like... life goes on. Whatever. If people he knew for a year, didn't care... then no one cares. And the fact is, he is probably blind in that one eye now. A bunch of nobodies. We are in a world, that is only about yourself... cause society doesn't care.

And time is running out, your health will go to hell one day. Bills still need to pay, and the celebrities are living dream lives that you will never live. It's like everyone is searching for a temporary high that will come and go, without finding true happiness. And no one will ever help you, get you there, except yourself.

It's all an illusion, at least that's what I think. All these mind games we play on our minds, trying to work out all the emotional issues people may face.... you got to save your own life/your happiness, no one else will. Just do it.

I had 2 utter fail transition experiments in my early life thanks to the dark cloud of "Some guy in a Dress" enveloping me aided and abetted by by own lack of self worth, self esteem and internalized transphobia in a far far more transphobic age.

Today I am still that same 6ft tall, big everything, even more bald person. Today the sheer joy of being out in the real world as the real me overshadows and overwhelms any doubts and most fears. It took a lot of hard work to get to this place. I'm so much better for it

Congrats on making it to the mountain top 

JJ, you are strong and we are here for you.  This isn't always easy but the world is gradually becoming a more accepting place for two reasons.  One reason is we are chipping away at society's incorrect and outdated definition of who we are as individuals, as we each make this a better place to live.  The other reason is almost everyone is too busy staring at their phone.

Quote from: Kendra on July 24, 2017, 01:48:23 PM
JJ, you are strong and we are here for you.  This isn't always easy but the world is gradually becoming a more accepting place for two reasons.  One reason is we are chipping away at society's incorrect and outdated definition of who we are as individuals, as we each make this a better place to live.  The other reason is almost everyone is too busy staring at their phone.

Ha!!! The phone thing made me smile Kendra!!!... So true!!!

Yes the world is changing constantly... When I do speaking engagements with University students who ask me about when things will change I like to ask them to consider the fact that my grandmother rode on a horse pulled wagon all day to Cherokee, Iowa when she was a little girl so the family could go see what an electric lightbulb looked like!!! Then I tell them that the world as they now know it will seem just as antiquated to their children's children....

Onward we go....

Ashley 😀🌻💗

I've never met such beautiful people anywhere in all my life! Since the moment I joined this group I have received nothing but love, support and friendship from everyone I've encountered and it's amazing...like a dream come true....and you're all the most real people I've ever met...we are as real as it gets I can't even begin to explain how much it means to me that you take time out of your busy lives to give me support it is a fellowship unlike anything I've ever been part of and I am so proud and feel so loved and safe here you are all a blessing to me!

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

Quote from: JJ_BLOSSOM on July 24, 2017, 03:57:32 PM
I've never met such beautiful people anywhere in all my life! Since the moment I joined this group I have received nothing but love, support and friendship from everyone I've encountered and it's amazing...like a dream come true....and you're all the most real people I've ever met...we are as real as it gets I can't even begin to explain how much it means to me that you take time out of your busy lives to give me support it is a fellowship unlike anything I've ever been part of and I am so proud and feel so loved and safe here you are all a blessing to me!

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

This path is one best traveled with friends at your side sister!!!... I'm glad you found us here!!! Amazing things lay ahead!!!

Onward we go brave girl

Ashley