I think my co-workers have cottoned on that something is a bit off.
I mean, I am wearing hair grips to work.
People have mentioned them and I have truthfully replied "yeah, my hair is getting long now"

These people I think respect me enough to just let me be me.
Even the tosser I had a go at earlier came and praised the work I did last night (Haha I wonder if shouting at him made him change his views a bit)

However, there are a few individuals online who aren't very nice.
I spend around half my free time online and I'm not going to change that for a few idiots but it's still disheartening when some people go out of their way to be nasty.

Case in point -
I receive a message saying that my profile freaks them out.
It has a photo of me with wig and makeup.

I reply "oh really?"

They reply "yes, you're the ugliest woman I have ever seen....or are you a guy?"

Haha I actually take that as a compliment but I did reply

"No, I am a transwoman and since I have the courage to post a photo of myself, whereas your profile photo is of some model, I think I am more attractive by default" then I blocked this idiot from messaging me.

Now, I feel okay but a little down. I think 99% of people worry about their looks and it did hurt a little despite my bravado response.

I'm still new to being semi-out. How do you deal with the mean bastards?

Blocking is a good solution, if it's in reality? Run away!!!!
Or if your the courageous kinda, you can take the palm of your hand and one good *bafff* in the face...
Haha no but in all seriousness, run away!
And also do not let it get you down, ther are tones of duds out there, worry not for them

Being online is like a shot of whiskey for some people.  The knowledge that there will be no real world consequences releases their inhibitions, and their bad inner nature comes out.

If you are harassed IRL at work and you live in a jurisdiction where we have rights, keep the number of a civil rights lawyer handy, as well as contact info for GLAAD and PFLAG.

If you are not at work and being harassed, yes, my dear it is time to run.

As to the last statement, I can't run or run well, so they may have well bought the whole can of whoopass. Bad things are gonna happen if I get boxed in.


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I remember that online crap isn't present in my real life and isn't the same as someone confronting me in real life. I can turn it off any time and those people with it. It isn't my physical life.

In real life, if someone's giving me issues (which is extremely rare) I don't care. I don't need the respect or acceptance of strangers beyond basic civility.

I have yet to be physically attacked by anyone, but if it happens you can be sure I'll defend myself. That's the only kind of abuse I would be particularly interested in avoiding. Tbh the various reactions I have had over time have served to toughen my skin and I'm glad of the fact it has. By not hiding from adverse opinions or words, I don't fear them, they don't bring me down. If I had hidden from them, I expect the first particularly nasty comment the further I got into transition would have more power to get to me. Instead I routinely encounter people who are anti-trans for whatever reason online and find the more I hear what they have to say, the less affected I am. I will engage with them sometimes, as well, and sometimes what results is a productive conversation and they come away knowing something about trans people they didn't before that might actually help.

Over the last two or three years I noticed some people who look to be haters at first aren't completely immune to explanation and if you give some of them the time of day, you may actually find someone reasonable.

Almost all of my friends or family had questions at some point about the trans thing. And these are people who I get along with and respect. It pretty much follows that almost everyone is in need of some explanation about it, but I think you get best results if you explain it personally.

Ofc not everyone has the time or is inclined. It's in our own interest to give others that time of day though, unless they're being nothing but abject harassers. If I just blocked everyone I encountered who ever started out with an insensitive/dumb comment because they're just ignorant, I guess that's a lot of people who might not be trans-friendly at this point.

Quote from: MissKairi on July 23, 2017, 12:37:55 AM
I think my co-workers have cottoned on that something is a bit off.
I mean, I am wearing hair grips to work.
People have mentioned them and I have truthfully replied "yeah, my hair is getting long now"

These people I think respect me enough to just let me be me.
Even the tosser I had a go at earlier came and praised the work I did last night (Haha I wonder if shouting at him made him change his views a bit)

However, there are a few individuals online who aren't very nice.
I spend around half my free time online and I'm not going to change that for a few idiots but it's still disheartening when some people go out of their way to be nasty.

Case in point -
I receive a message saying that my profile freaks them out.
It has a photo of me with wig and makeup.

I reply "oh really?"

They reply "yes, you're the ugliest woman I have ever seen....or are you a guy?"

Haha I actually take that as a compliment but I did reply

"No, I am a transwoman and since I have the courage to post a photo of myself, whereas your profile photo is of some model, I think I am more attractive by default" then I blocked this idiot from messaging me.

Now, I feel okay but a little down. I think 99% of people worry about their looks and it did hurt a little despite my bravado response.

I'm still new to being semi-out. How do you deal with the mean bastards?

Online, I usually run circles around them. 

It almost always comes down to them, trying to push a label on to individuals, and to try to force them into a role.  I simply tell them people are free to identify however they want, they then go off on a tangent about wanting to be a helicopter or some other nonsense, and I usually reply I don't care what they want to be, it has zero impact on my life.. just like me being transsexual has zero on theirs. 

They almost always try to turn it around on me, saying I am trying to take away their free speech or some other nonsense, and I let them know they are the ones trying to impose their views on me, not the other way around.  Then they go off on a tangent, spitting out conspiracy nonsense, fueled by paranoia. 

It is especially funny when the argument starts out with how they are not transphobic, because they are not afraid of transsexuals, by the end of the argument, they show their true colors.  They are terrified of us.

But this is all done online.  I don't have to deal with real life bigots yet.

Quote from: MissKairi on July 23, 2017, 12:37:55 AM
I think my co-workers have cottoned on that something is a bit off.
I mean, I am wearing hair grips to work.
People have mentioned them and I have truthfully replied "yeah, my hair is getting long now"

These people I think respect me enough to just let me be me.
Even the tosser I had a go at earlier came and praised the work I did last night (Haha I wonder if shouting at him made him change his views a bit)

However, there are a few individuals online who aren't very nice.
I spend around half my free time online and I'm not going to change that for a few idiots but it's still disheartening when some people go out of their way to be nasty.

Case in point -
I receive a message saying that my profile freaks them out.
It has a photo of me with wig and makeup.

I reply "oh really?"

They reply "yes, you're the ugliest woman I have ever seen....or are you a guy?"

Haha I actually take that as a compliment but I did reply

"No, I am a transwoman and since I have the courage to post a photo of myself, whereas your profile photo is of some model, I think I am more attractive by default" then I blocked this idiot from messaging me.

Now, I feel okay but a little down. I think 99% of people worry about their looks and it did hurt a little despite my bravado response.

I'm still new to being semi-out. How do you deal with the mean bastards?

I'm also semi-out.

First, any harassment at work is illegal, and that goes for anyone. It's called a hostile work environment, and that can be for all sorts of reasons. Could be sexual, could be gender, could be age, could be you look like the ex of a supervisor that attaches his/her whole mess to you. Could also be just classic bullying, gender regardless. One of my life lessons is that it seems the most incompetent, dysfunctional, irrational people mange to maneuver themselves into positions of power. How does that happen? Being fake and kissing the right asses. Once they have power, they will do anything from preventing a more competent person to challenge them for their job. If management, they will always hire lesser skilled people that they feel they can control and intimidate. If they are just co-workers, but see you as threat as you might actually be competent, they will turn on you. I know this is a bit off topic, but just understand, many companies are full of bullies and back stabbers and prey on people like us. What can you do? Document and establish a hostile work environment and sue the frak out of them. Remember High School, all that social BS? Yep, it still exists in most work environments. The best you can do in this electronic age is to document everything. A come to Jesus meeting will not work ... people as adults who have the long knives out will always have the long knives out. In a bad work environment best choice is to document everything for a law suite, and while doing that, look for work at a company that is more accepting.

Honestly speaking, I sometimes carry around pepper spray and a personal alarm...just in case.  I may be a man, but many cis men are larger than I am.  That doesn't mean I'm not willing nor unable to defend myself, I just hope it never comes down to that.

Online, I usually block them, after giving them a whatfor first.

I've not really encountered much trans-phobia yet, and I hope I never do. 

Ryuichi

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