Hi everyone. My parents told my brother and I that they were divorcing. That was no surprise at all. Actually I'm surprised they waited this long. So my mom decided she didn't want to stay in our house. She's going to get a condo, she says she wants a fresh start whatever that means. So tonight when she got home she said she found the condo she wanted and was showing me pictures that she took of it. She made the comment that the second bedroom was nice and big and that all my stuff would fit in it. My dad heard her say that and he told her I wasn't going with her. She told him that it was my decision and to mind his own business.  So I told her I was staying with my dad. Then she had like a meltdown. She started saying I was supposed to go with her and that everyone was abandoning her. Then she started yelling at me saying my dad had always been my favorite and that I had always loved him more than her. Then she said a daughter was supposed to be closer with her mother. So now she's not speaking to me.

I'm sorry that she got so upset but what she said was totally right. My dad is my favorite. I've never been close to my mom.  But that was all her. I know she was freaked out at having an albino baby. It was very hard but I finally got my grandma to tell me that. Apparently my mom didn't even like holding me from what my grandma had told me. She said my dad was the one who mostly cared for me when he was home. I believe that because it's my dad I remember doing things for me when I was little. My mom has always been close with my brother but she has never been with me. She's also said things to me that were kind of mean. My mom is 5'10, my dad is 6'2 and my brother is 6'4. I am 5'4. My mom has said she doesn't know where I came from since I'm so small. Once she even said she wondered if she had been exposed to radiation when she was pregnant with me and just didn't know it. She also has never liked having me with her in public if she could help it. And after I had confirmed my dad's suspicion that I was trans he hugged me and told me he would do anything he could to help me. My mom said "oh god. What will our friends think?"  Then a little later she said I was already albino and did I really want to add being trans to that. I do love my mom of course but I love my dad more. I can't help it. I am sorry it upsets my mom but I won't apologize for feeling that way. I don't think she cares about having me with her I think it's more like she just doesn't want to be alone. I'm sad that she's going to feel all alone but I am not going with her. Do you guys think that makes me a bad person?

Quote from: Julia1996 on July 26, 2017, 08:53:16 PM
Hi everyone. My parents told my brother and I that they were divorcing. That was no surprise at all. Actually I'm surprised they waited this long. So my mom decided she didn't want to stay in our house. She's going to get a condo, she says she wants a fresh start whatever that means. So tonight when she got home she said she found the condo she wanted and was showing me pictures that she took of it. She made the comment that the second bedroom was nice and big and that all my stuff would fit in it. My dad heard her say that and he told her I wasn't going with her. She told him that it was my decision and to mind his own business.  So I told her I was staying with my dad. Then she had like a meltdown. She started saying I was supposed to go with her and that everyone was abandoning her. Then she started yelling at me saying my dad had always been my favorite and that I had always loved him more than her. Then she said a daughter was supposed to be closer with her mother. So now she's not speaking to me.

I'm sorry that she got so upset but what she said was totally right. My dad is my favorite. I've never been close to my mom.  But that was all her. I know she was freaked out at having an albino baby. It was very hard but I finally got my grandma to tell me that. Apparently my mom didn't even like holding me from what my grandma had told me. She said my dad was the one who mostly cared for me when he was home. I believe that because it's my dad I remember doing things for me when I was little. My mom has always been close with my brother but she has never been with me. She's also said things to me that were kind of mean. My mom is 5'10, my dad is 6'2 and my brother is 6'4. I am 5'4. My mom has said she doesn't know where I came from since I'm so small. Once she even said she wondered if she had been exposed to radiation when she was pregnant with me and just didn't know it. She also has never liked having me with her in public if she could help it. And after I had confirmed my dad's suspicion that I was trans he hugged me and told me he would do anything he could to help me. My mom said "oh god. What will our friends think?"  Then a little later she said I was already albino and did I really want to add being trans to that. I do love my mom of course but I love my dad more. I can't help it. I am sorry it upsets my mom but I won't apologize for feeling that way. I don't think she cares about having me with her I think it's more like she just doesn't want to be alone. I'm sad that she's going to feel all alone but I am not going with her. Do you guys think that makes me a bad person?

Having a spare room at moms house is nice, you or your brother might want to spend a night there now and then. Yet, you should live with whoever you want to live, in your house, where you know everybody and everything. You don't have to move just because your mom needs a fresh start.

Your not a bad person at all! Your mom is self centered. It's her life that she's blown up, don't let her take yours with hers. It sounds like she doesn't like you because you were the messed up kid but now doesn't want to be alone. I've known women like this, and what she's done doesn't work out well. Stay strong! Wishing you all the best! And listen to dad, he seems to know what he's doing. Oh, and don't let your mom get in your head, she'll try!

I suspect a reason the marriage is breaking up is because your mother has difficulties in relationships. Currently that is mostly limited to the relationship between your father and your mother. If you were to move out, it's likely these issues would appear in the relationship between you and your mother. Visit her if you want to but for your well being, you are better staying with your father. That doesn't make you a bad person, just a wise one.

The ways you feel about your mom and your dad do not make you a bad person. 

What's going on with your Mom is not your fault.  Family can be very tough, and our relationships grow and change a lot over time.  I think it's great that you are aware and can acknowledge that you have a much better relationship with your Dad.  And you cite very good reasons to feel that way. 

I hope your mom can find a way to sort her stuff out, and become more supportive of you and other that love her, and in turn can have love reciprocated to her. 

Your not a bad person. Your dad noticing something about you, means he pays attention to you. And the hug he gave you was something any child needs from a parent.

I think you made the right choice. And if your mom truly wants you in her life, you still will be, if you want to.