I'm just a few weeks away from 58 and have been crossdressing pretty much all my life. I've always had a sense of wanting to be female but not in the sense that I was born in the wrong body. Weaving in and out of wanting to be female and purging.
   Recently my wife ( of 30 years) and I entered into a alternate relationship where I will be treated as female 24/7, she will be mommy. This relationship has me thinking about transitioning.
   The reality of it all has me confused and scared. Scared of the reality of the real world.
   I totally intend on moving forward will this adventure.
   

Hi, LifeasMakamae, we're in the same age bracket, I'm 55. Welcome to Susan's Place! Transgender is an umbrella term that covers crossdressers as well as every other flavour of gender non-conforming person under the sun...except the ones who don't identify as transgender.   

I'm not in the wrong body, I'm just girling up the one I have a bit. I'm genderfluid, some days there's a boy. He gets to wear girl clothes. Tough cookies if he doesn't like it!    See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Of course you're transgender.  The question is what steps (if any) you need to take to be happy.  Not everyone needs to transition, and not all who transition do so in the same way. 

I hope you plan to enlist the help of a gender therapist to figure out where you fit on the spectrum.

Crossdressing is like wearing a fantasy,  if you wear that fantasy for so long it just "became the new you" , well then you're more likely A) a Trans woman if you wanna be treated a girl or B) a gender non-conforming cis man who regardless behavior still wanna be traced as a guy or C) why not both ? Genderfluid! Haha

No need to hurry, seriously,  what makes you happier ? Also you don't have to leave the closet or transition, if just thinking you're a Trans woman makes you happy and you don't need to externalize it, alright.

Not rushing into anything, just see everything in a different light now and it only took 40 years. Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks, lol.
Your replies are truly appreciated and loves to all of you.

Welcome to Susan's Place. Many of the site members in their 50s and 60s tell stories where they have experienced transgender feelings for years and found a number of ways to contain them. They are on the site because what they used in the past isn't sufficient any longer and need something more. We can't tell you what's right for you but when you know, we will assist you with information and advice. Feel free to ask any questions you have and if there is anything I can help you with, let me know.


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I understand now that it doesn't matter what kinds of feeling i have I'm just me.they are the feelings I'm suppose to have. Its what makes me, me...and I love me...

Quote from: LifeasMakamae on July 29, 2017, 04:42:15 AM
I understand now that it doesn't matter what kinds of feeling i have I'm just me.they are the feelings I'm suppose to have. Its what makes me, me...and I love me...

Congrats accepting yourself,  this part is really tricky.  😄

Your comment "always had a sense of wanting to be female" is more typically representative of gender dysphoria than "feeling trapped in a man's body."  The alt lifestyle stuff is really separate from gender and probably has more to do with sexuality--except that I think some conflicted trans women seek approval for their femininity from GG's via erotizing a submissive role to "real" women.  But, to me, all that is a matter of personal preference and joy between consenting adults.  As to your question about being trans, I'd say you are quite far past the middle of the spectrum.  Does it matter?  Accept yourself.  Nancy

Hi Nancy and thank you for you best wishes, it means a lot.
The funny thing about it is the more i write, read, talk and think about it the more I start to see it clearer. It doesn't matter if I'm a crossdresser or transgender, I'm me and that's is the world to me. I have convinced myself that it's a sexual thing but it's more than that. It's who I am and role-play is not going to change that. It's not a lifestyle, it's a life.
I've searched for someplace to make sense of it all and have been disappointed until now. I absolutely love this site for helping me to understand and break free of what I thought I was. Now I can be me 😘

Here we don't judge or attempt to force you to be a certain way. You are free to decide what's best for you and the help is here so you can become it. This is a good deal different than some sites where if you don't fit, you don't belong. I personally don't believe it sexual for anybody but sometimes our feelings hide behind the mask of sexuality.

In my way of thinking all crossdressers are transgendered.  The medical model concept of "fetishistic crossdresser" is a way of pathologizing gender dysphoria and classifying this as a sexual deviance.  I find it to be a very demeaning and destructive term and concept.  Transgender is a wide spectrum.  I have come to understand that my strong desire to wear women's clothing is a representation of my wish to be and be treated as a woman.  Feeling sexual while dressed as a woman (which happens to me sometimes, but certainly not always) doesn't make this a fetish.  It is part of the desire to be feminine and the pent-up frustration of the repression of the feminine expression.  We are, after all, sexual beings, and that doesn't go away simply because we have gender issues.  To me, if you are crossdressing, you are transgendered.  Your question is like asking:  "Am I a green bean or am I a vegetable?"  By the nature of being a green bean, you are a vegetable. :-).  Nancy

Maybe you are gender fluid/gender queer

Quote from: LifeasMakamae on July 27, 2017, 06:52:59 PM
Recently my wife ( of 30 years) and I entered into a alternate relationship where I will be treated as female 24/7, she will be mommy.

It sounds like you are transgender, but before you consider exploring your transgender identity more fully, I would highly advise you to seek out a gender therapist.  This sounds to me that right now this is a bedroom game between you and your wife which could open some doors that are very serious to deal with.

It is not an either-or question.  Crossdressing is part of the transgender spectrum, especially when it is accompanied by feelings of wanting to be the other gender, or cycles of acquisition and purging.

I am 62, and my history is similar to yours.  I agree that, from where you are, it looks scary and confusing.  It did for me.  But emerging on the other side of transition, it feels light and beautiful.

Congratulations on deciding to move forward!  That is a big step.  I second the recommendation to seek out a gender therapist. 

I can agree to previous posters..

I joined this forum a long time ago in 2006 because I was thinking myself as a cross dresser. It was a very scary thing to even think about it,  but the first step was to accept the fact that I might be cross-dresser. BUT...... after a while, don't remember exactly how long this phase went on, the idea of being just/only a cross dresser felt too limiting.

I felt trapped to be just a man if I stop cross dressing, but I felt trapped to be just a cross dresser. So I decided to go with the flow and be free to explore my whole identity. The journey is still ongoing and it is still confusing, but yes I'm a transgender...

Hi LifeasMakamae,

  Change the 58 to 64 and I could have written that first paragraph, Oh wait I think I did but I added that I didn't feel like a woman trapped in a mans body. LOL

Hi I'm Laurie, 64, MtF, self appointed unofficial greeter extraordinaire for Susan's Place and so full of myself it isn't unny or is it? I meant it to be. Hmmm Needs work. Oh well  Welcome to Susan's Place ((Hug)) come on in. Yes I too cross dressed almost all my life and it wasn't until of about 9 months ago I discovered what I was, was much more than that. I discovered I was actually trans gender, a transgender woman in fact. That was last November and in December I began HRT to begin my transition. It is not something to be done without a lot of serious thought and it can really help to seek out some gender therapy before taking such a momentous step.
  WOW! Did I just say all that? Of course that isn't what I did at all, but then I have always loved the spontaneous. Planning and forethought are not parts of my vocabulary. In all truthfulness I believe I had been thinking seriously along those lines for many years though it was more subconsciously done through wishes and dreams and fastasy of being a woman. So when I had the opportunity to begin hrt I just jumped right in with both fee without  really a second thought. I did it all backwards but my decisions have proven to be the right ones for me. Of course I highly (like everyone else here) recommending doing things correctly with gender therapy and if you go one to HRT doing it under a doctor's supervision. That is what I am doing now but like I mentioned sometime I do things in the spur of the moments and correct them after.
  As far as your sexual play well to each their own as it is not my place to judge another's lifestyle. Enjoy what you do.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: Dweia on August 03, 2017, 05:09:53 PM
I can agree to previous posters..

I joined this forum a long time ago in 2006 because I was thinking myself as a cross dresser. It was a very scary thing to even think about it,  but the first step was to accept the fact that I might be cross-dresser. BUT...... after a while, don't remember exactly how long this phase went on, the idea of being just/only a cross dresser felt too limiting.

I felt trapped to be just a man if I stop cross dressing, but I felt trapped to be just a cross dresser. So I decided to go with the flow and be free to explore my whole identity. The journey is still ongoing and it is still confusing, but yes I'm a transgender...

This reminds me of the old joke:

What is the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?

Two years.



Well, 10 in mine, but there you have it. 

Sounds like fun.
You're lucky to have a supportive partner to accompany you on your adventure.
Not sure what you mean about your wife becoming "Mommy", but good luck.

Quote from: rmaddy on August 04, 2017, 01:35:24 PM

This reminds me of the old joke:

What is the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?

Two years.



Well, 10 in mine, but there you have it.

An oldie, but a goodie. 

Hugs, Devlyn