Everyone is a little different when it comes to hrt and where we need to go, so your experience will too. I am slowly coming to grips with what that means.
In terms of hrt and 'feeling female' at an emotional level, I have less of the more extreme thoughts. The degree to which I had an extra edge or level when irritated or angry has reduced. It feels more wavelike with more time to get angry and easier rolloff. And I love that. I feel more me as amorphous as that sounds because that feels more right to me than having that extra edge. I can't say I fully understand it either, but it is how I feel.
I should been born female. I think of it like completing a connect the dot picture and it just looks and feels very wrong. For me, this is the body dimension. The mental map of the body. This is a mismatch for me and why I will likely have surgery so the map aligns. It sounds like you have a very clear view on this because the statements you use are very strong.
There is the social dimension and this is where it is tricky for me. I am lucky in that my partner a cis female is a self-described tomboy. Jeans, t-shirt, no make-up, competitive, red head, who can do a very good impression of gollum and most Harry Potter characters. She never will attend protests because she just is too darn competitive. Peaceful she is not, although she is highly sensitive as well. I am lucky because she reminds me to check my assumptions about what feeling and being female is and to really look around at all the women to value their differences.
She reminds me to examine more basic things. What do I like as activities, what are my/our values, what clothes do I like versus what I think I should like.
I like hiking and am an old school geek (Stranger Things, rpg geek) that sees all the pretty girls in dresses and wishes that I was like them too. In reality, I am not. I will likely always have exactly one dress that will sit in my closet. I love jeans and haven't decided if I prefer v-necks or what other top type yet kind of girl. Must say I love old salt and pepper wooly sweaters.... don't ask me why. I guess I just do, but they just look and feel so warm and cuddly. So I can't see myself as a high heels and cocktail dress wearer. It just isn't me. Then again my mom was always track bottoms and hoody type so it might just be that I am fashion challenged as a genetic predisposition. Can you picture what kind of person I am on the female spectrum? You probably have an easier time doing that then I do and that is ok.
It all started with that very clear knowledge that I should not have been born male from a bodily perspective. I am still figuring out the rest, but I know that one starting point is definitive for me so I am quite happy to rely on that.
I appreciate that others will choose otherwise and that is cool too. We have to do what is right for ourselves.
