So this one is complicated. Or maybe it´s actually really simple.

I have a grandmother with whom I used to have an excellent relationship as a *clears throat* "girl".
She was always there for me with advice and money and clearly felt very responsible for me.

In 2013 my life went down the crapper. I was doing (like a lot of us before we realize we´re trans) terrible.
In 2014 I realized I was trans, came out and started transitioning.

Already in 2013 my relationship with grandmother became increasingly difficult. I no longer was her cute little girl, in fact I resembled that person less and less with each passing day. I think she found that difficult.

She quit calling me altogether and tried to blame that on me for a while, even though I tried to maintain communication for a good while. When I think of her, I now have no feelings of love. Just none. I don´t hate her, but it´s gone.

When I mail her now, I usually get some kind of passive aggressive response. I accidentally hurt myself in a panic attack recently, and when she heard of that, she wrote that "I am a pretty stupid lady", misgendering me for no reason (she does not usually misgender me).

Well, whatever. I think on some level she´s angry at me for not being that girl anymore. She lost her only granddaughter, I guess is the thing. I don´t know if she will be pissed forever, or will ever be able to appreciate who I am, but I definitely lost her.

I did not technically lose anybody, but you get what I mean.

Big hug! She's going through the stages of grief, anger is one of them. You may get her back after she works it out in her head. You might not, but it sounds like you are prepared to handle that loss in any case. I hope you two find your way back to each other, best wishes with that. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Yeah, you are not her doll you know...
This could happen with anything, not just you being trans. She couldn't liked something you decided for your life, and maybe she would react the same way.
Thing is... Life is hard, we all know that. We try to not separate with our dearest, but sometime it is not possible. I'm not saying you two will break up forever. I'm saying that, there are some people who act weird for some of your decision. They'll try to make you feel bad on your decision, just because they didn't like it. Sometimes they'll accept, sometimes not.
There are two options as I see. You try make her see this is a good decision of yours. Or you can just let things go and see if it will get better.
Just don't hurt yourself or let people hurt you. Sometimes they make you feel horrible, but not on purpose. They are just hurting themselves and hurting you on the way...

I'm sorry you are going through that with your grandma. My grandpa on my dad's side had a lot of trouble accepting my being trans. He used to call me Julian and use he and him. It was hard for me to get mad at him because he was totally having trouble dealing with it. He was a marine all his working life and a very macho,manly guy. He genuinely couldn't understand why anyone would choose to be female. He told me a couple of times that I didn't have to do this and it was "ok to be gay nowadays". Finally my dad told him he would have to accept it or none of us would be around him. It took him a little while but he did come around. Maybe your grandma will too.
Julia

ouch.    sorry you have to deal with that.  maybe if you give her some space for a good long while, she'll come around and you can talk things out?  let her come to you.  i think you've done your part at this point in trying to maintain a relationship with her; it takes two.

i am in a... kind of sort of almost? similar situation with my own grandma.  she spent more time raising me than my mother did, so i can understand her attachment, but anything beyond that just smells like self-pitying BS to me.  she said she wished she could just wave a magic wand and make me her cute little girl again, indicating that she didn't like a single thing about who i am now as a person.  no desire to get to know me or form a real relationship with me, she just wanted a cute little girl to "grandma".  she'll talk about how hard it is on her, but completely ignored a long heartfelt speech about my own feelings.  five years later, no hint of acknowledgement to my gender identity.  she acts like the whole thing never happened, doesn't speak of it, doesn't have anything to say to me that isn't banal small talk.  our relationship had been disintegrating since my teen years when she outright refused to help me through some very hard times, and now since the whole "coming out" mess, we sometimes go days without seeing or speaking to each other despite living in the same house.  i've come to realize she wants nothing to do with me, despite all her talk about loving me--because how can she?  she hates *me*.  the person she loves doesn't exist any more, and despite all her denial, never really did.
and it's not just her.  i can relate similar stories about other people in my life, as well.

point being, some people prefer to build up an idea of who they think you are--or rather, who they think you should be.  who they want you to be.  and they will see nothing else.  they would rather let the relationship and everyone in it suffer than face the reality that things aren't what they thought/hoped/expected.  i'm sure there's a way to get through to people like that, but i haven't found it.  and even if there is, you have to ask yourself if a relationship with someone who has refused to appreciate you for who you are is worth salvaging. 

Quote from: Julia1996
He genuinely couldn't understand why anyone would choose to be female. He told me a couple of times that I didn't have to do this and it was "ok to be gay nowadays".

My mom was a bit like this before. To be gay, completely cool, to be a girl, doom! She just got it with time.

Letting your grandma know how much you respect, love and need her, and trying to be completely open, may help too. She's just a bit selfish, cause you "revolted against her, and transitioned" (this may very close to how she sees transness), so you always can give her any other "control over you" (just a trick, an illusional sort of dependence from her) as a compensation for it, while tightening your relationship and getting more close.

Ultimately people make their decisions based on a benefit criteria: just give her something more appealing than being "his pretty little girl".

 Hi NF

  I am sorry you've had this happen. It hurts. I can commiserate with you as I feel I have lost my daughter. Along with her I lose my son in law and 5 grandchildren. Yes it hurts but we have to be who we are.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Honestly dude, I've given up on the idea of family members ever gendering me properly or calling me my name. Just yesterday my parents found my social media account. My mother says I make my dad, brother, and sister "uncomfortable". That comment made me really, really upset, how do they think I felt for the last twenty something years? Am I not allowed to be comfortable for the sake of other people's comfort.

...I get it, at this point or maybe any point I can't expect them to change as much as I will, it's against their religious code to view me as what I wasn't "created" as (Though I feel I was created perfectly fine and AM this way).

The best way to handle it is to let it be, I asked for their respect, and I give them mine in return. I don't really care about being a pedantic with pronouns or name around them, they will do what they do. I already did what I needed to physically speaking, it's on THEM that they don't want to acknowledge that. Mainly I just want to keep it civil, and keep things neutral. At best I'll probably wear neutral clothing and be shaven around them but that's all I'd really do, and go back to living my life normally when I'm not around them

It is a sad situation to be in, for sure.  Maybe she will come around in time once she sees that you are a happier person; maybe she won't. Who can predict? I thought that my SO was fully behind my transition and suddenly she's starting to hang all kinds of 'bad male' behaviours on my T hook. I haven't changed at all in my personality, and the stuff she's been complaining about in regard to my personality she's been complaining about for as long as we've known each other. Just now there is the T thing to use as an excuse.

My reasoning is, how deep is a person's love for another if they refuse to accept the whole person, but would rather just love the shell that they've always known? That's pretty shallow love.

Fact is, we, just like every healthy human being, need to follow where our soul is pulling us. The positive side is, that we are finding out who our true friends and family are.