WARNING: This will give a view into BDSM dynamics, if this offends you, I am sorry.

So, when I came out as trans 3 years ago, I also started to embrace my true sexuality.  Not only did I go from being a lesbian to being Pansexual, I also began to explore the kink world.  This lead me to realizing what I had been missing all my life.  I now identify as a little/sub.

Anyway, as with any dating dynamic, it's hard being trans.  BDSM people in general are more accepting and less likely to judge, but the while stigma of dating a trans is still there.  Plus you still have to weed through the creepers. 

Anyway, my dream was to join up or have a poly family.  In my fantasy, there would be a male Dom and another female of any role with me as a little.  Some fantasy right?  Like that would happen in a million years.  I can get barely one person to like me, how the hell am I going to find a couple who both like me.  Plus, while some consider me passable, some do not....sigh....its all a big mess.

Well, I may want to buy a lotto ticket soon.  I think that I have found my fantasy dream.  I have been talking to this straight guy who happens to be a Dom.  He identifies as a Daddy/Master.  When I found out he was straight, I had it in my mind that this probably would go no where romantic since he defiantly knew I was trans.  Well, time goes on and we get to know each other better and delve deeper into kink talk.  I find myself opening up to him in ways I should have been to shy to.  So I end asking him if he would ever consider a relationship with a trans girl.  He was hesitant at first and said he didn't know. Oh, I would also point out that he is married and his wife is his slave.  A little more time elapsed and we have our first phone conversation.  We got a little kinky with some imagery play and in the middle of it, I end up calling him Daddy.  From that point on, I have been His.  He has accepted me fully.  I have even started to get to know his wife and have to form my own relationship with.  Not sure how but I'm starting with a friendship and so far it's going well.

I am so excited that not only have i seemed to have found my fantasy, but also a straight guy has accepted me for who I am.

Good for you! I hope it goes well. Bit of a rope bunny here. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Good girl. 

Hi Hannah,

I think that is wonderful for you! Heathy BDSM relationships can be very rich and intense, in part because roles are usually clearly negotiated and expectations are managed.

Well before I even started my transition, I was interested in BDSM, partly because my gender issues manifested as crossdressing, which seemed fetishistic to me, and I mistook my innate femininity for submissiveness. There was also the fact that people in the scene were very non-judgmental of others.

My very first time out in public en femme was to a BDSM club.  I picked that venue because I knew there wold be no judgement of me. I was so nervous, but really, I was so tame compared to some of the other things going on!  And I got what I came for, which was no one even batting an eye at a somewhat-passing trans person (which is the same as non-passing, I guess).

Gender therapy eventually helped me understand my true feelings, and I kind of lost interest in any D/s relationships. I am not a true submissive, and I don't think that sort of relationship would work for me. HRT has completely eliminated by libido, and my interest in kink, mostly bondage play, pretty much disappeared.

Still, I think there are things to be admired in the BDSM world: the formal structure of it, the widely practiced ethos of respect for others and their boundaries, and the tolerance and non-judgmental attitudes are things I wished were more prevalent in the vanilla world.

I'm still on FetLife, by the way, although I rarely use that site anymore.

With kindness,

Terri

I think the question is, who doesnt like a little BDSM?

That sounds very fun. Good luck!! Keep us updated.

BDSM is really something I never thought about. But my boyfriend is into some of it and has some less common kinks I guess you could say. When he first told me about it and wanted to do it with me I can admit I was pretty judgemental about it and I thought that people who were into it were weirdos. But I try very hard NOT to be judgemental so I kind of put my feelings aside and agreed to try it. Some of it was fun and some of it I didn't like. We just don't do the ones I don't like except for one kink that is very important to him. It's really easy to judge something you know nothing about. That's pretty much what happens to trans people all the time.
Julia

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on August 01, 2017, 10:58:22 AM
I think the question is, who doesnt like a little BDSM?

My Ex!   And a couple others who did not last so long.   

Proper BDSM has roles which may be a natural exploratory step for many outside the main.

BDSM is a lot of fun to explore. It helped me with deprogramming my Southern Baptist upbringing and helped me discover who I am. My wife and I have been in the BDSM scene for over 9 years and I even have another play partner who I'm a rope bunny for that my wife co-tops with.

Enjoy and have fun, that's what it's all about

Kink is amazing. Kink has saved me many times.

I grew up with super religious parents, my dad in particular. I learned pretty quick what their views on trans people were and more than anything I didn't want to be one, especially because I knew I'd end up doing it one day. I shoved it hard behind a religious wall, but that didn't phase the dysphoria. It just manifested as a fetish instead and I thought all the issues with my body were that. Needing to be smaller, unable to stand body hair, etc. I used to absolutely hate it, because I couldn't control it when it would take me over. Eventually I broke the link and found myself having to face something I REALLY didn't want to. Took a few more years but here I am.

After breaking the link I had no sexuality whatsoever for about six months, until I just brought back the kink for lack of anything better to do. I love it immensely, separated from the dysphoria. It's allowed me to explore so many other possibilites, and it's taught me to accept and enjoy others so much more.

Sincerely, congratulations on your Daddy! Finding someone you can be yourself with is pretty much the rarest thing I know.