Hi, I'm a 61 year old male to female, just sitting around my living room. I have been thinking about this question. At home I dress female all the time, I keep work separate dress male, but I have to eat. Life is not at all simple. The fact I dress female is accepted by those I live with. I am what I am and how I feel. Inside I identify myself as transgender. Those around me may simply see me as a guy who likes to dress feminine. I like feeling feminine, but wonder why. What's wrong with a dirty white tee shirt, an unshaven face and a can of beer in the hand. Its just not me. Why? don't know. Before my ex left in 1999, my dressing was at odd times and alone. After she left, it was all of the time except for work. When I go out (except for work) I dress dyke. But I still have my bra, panties, girls jeans, tee shirt. I just feel better when I am feminine.
I grew up with "uncle Jack Daniels" and "uncle Johnny Walker" and "uncle Bud Wiester." I am used to living a fanticy life of normalcy. So I see no problem with pretending that I am male to earn a living. Also the town I was born in economy was based upon mining, gambling, prostitution, and booze which many of the residents felt were ok because they were good for the economy. I left there when I was 13 years old. Who knows how I would developed as a female there. Might of made my living at it.
The point being being that my being female because of some fault in my y chromosome or some other chromosome, or am I a female soul that was accidently placed in a male body, or for some odd reason do I feel safer feeling female than male because of the unsettled unstable conditions of my birth family. That would be odd, because having male body, if I dress female, I am more of a target for extreme negative reactions.
I ponder these alternatives, but really what difference does it make. Was one of these or all of these. If my live would have been Brady bunch like would I still have these feminine feeling. What if my Dad had not died when I was 13 when male sexual urges started disturbing my sense of self. It was then that I started feeling it would be better to be female than male. What if my parents had not been controlled by booze or not cheated on each other causing many of the emotional storms in my household, would I have developed normal male emotions or still would have preferred to be female. My step dad kept up the tradition of boozing, but we moved and the cheating stopped, but the emotional consequences still were there.
Then also what if society not cared how I dressed or wanted to change my body. If I wanted to identify female, what would I have been like 48 years later?
What makes us? Who knows? and does it really matter.
