So yesterday, I went out for the first time as a woman.

For one, I was wearing a black Calvin Klein sheath dress. To cover my shoulders, I wore this jacket because my shoulders aren't tanned.

Anyways, people were staring at me, and I am not sure if it was because of the jacket or because of me.

Afterwards, I couldn't really organize my thoughts, I was upset, sad, you name it, I could not think clearly at all.

(This will be also transitioning in high school and I will be a senior.)

I think my feeling was regretful and sad, but at the same time I don't think that I don't want to transition because after I got in the car I felt slightly better.

Is this a normal feeling? Give me y'alls thought please :-/

The first time is always the most difficult to process.

After a lifetime of dealing with the Shame & Guilt of being trans we tend to focus on feelings, or even manufacture feelings, that reinforce that shame. After all, nobody WANTS to be trans. Please send me a sign I am not..."one of them"

After a 30 year hiatus, I once again dared to venture out into the real world during the light of day as the real me. I was scared, nervous, and above reveling in the sheer joy of just being Me, and authentic me.

Today when I get that sometimes too long of a lingering look (at 6ft tall I do stand out) I no longer think "Some guy in a dress" as I did 30 years earlier. Today I think that they agree, I look damn good for an old lady

Quote from: JoanneB on August 05, 2017, 11:13:29 AM
The first time is always the most difficult to process.

After a lifetime of dealing with the Shame & Guilt of being trans we tend to focus on feelings, or even manufacture feelings, that reinforce that shame. After all, nobody WANTS to be trans. Please send me a sign I am not..."one of them"

After a 30 year hiatus, I once again dared to venture out into the real world during the light of day as the real me. I was scared, nervous, and above reveling in the sheer joy of just being Me, and authentic me.

Today when I get that sometimes too long of a lingering look (at 6ft tall I do stand out) I no longer think "Some guy in a dress" as I did 30 years earlier. Today I think that they agree, I look damn good for an old lady

Okay I thought I was so crazy at stupid for going out. Thank you This cheered me up.

Wow, first time out! And while still high school age, my kudos to you for your bravery. It also says how strong your need to be yourself is, good going. I am probably 4 x your age and did not understand my gender until a couple of years ago and even in my late sixties my first time in public pushed me well out of my comfort zone, I got probably a quarter mile from my hotel when I panicked and ran. But it felt so good; you know the feeling when you got back in your car.

I can promise you that it gets easier and easier as you gain confidence and experience. The trick is, as you must have seen mentioned on this site several times, is to own your presence and who you are.

Enjoy the ride!

Anne

You have a lot more guts than I did at your age. Even if services were available at the time.

Congratulations! It takes a lot of courage to go out in public the first time.
I haven't been out dressed nearly as often as I'd like (the little town I live in is extremely conservative & religious), but it really does get easier each time. Don't worry too much about what other people are thinking, just try to act confident and go about your business. You'll find that most people aren't actually paying any attention to you - they're too busy with their own business.

Congratulations on the big step! No matter where you go from here, you've explored a facet of yourself. What you do about that is of course, completely up to you.

Hugs, Devlyn

I remember the nerves, I felt first time.

I was so hiding behind the fringe of my wig. Looking away and down as i passed people if i didn't just cross the road.
Stares? I Never saw em, Cant see somebody looking at you, when all ya see is your own feet.

But giggles, snorts yeah, I heard those.

After a while I held my head up at closer distances. Now I Smile at everyone I Pass. And say hello. out, out just over three years And it took that long to get this far too.

Congratulations!

If you are nervous next time, consider the following statistic.  At any point in time when you're walking around an average of 71.38% of other people are staring at their phone. 

Okay I just made that up but my point is - go for it!  Each time you will gradually feel more natural.  Gets easier over time, guaranteed. 

Kendra

Research shows that 86.2% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 

Well done for the first walk of glory
Sara

Quote from: Anne Blake on August 05, 2017, 04:59:56 PM
Wow, first time out! And while still high school age, my kudos to you for your bravery. It also says how strong your need to be yourself is, good going. I am probably 4 x your age and did not understand my gender until a couple of years ago and even in my late sixties my first time in public pushed me well out of my comfort zone, I got probably a quarter mile from my hotel when I panicked and ran. But it felt so good; you know the feeling when you got back in your car.

I can promise you that it gets easier and easier as you gain confidence and experience. The trick is, as you must have seen mentioned on this site several times, is to own your presence and who you are.

Enjoy the ride!

Anne

Thank you so much

Quote from: DawnOday on August 05, 2017, 05:10:43 PM
You have a lot more guts than I did at your age. Even if services were available at the time.

Thank you

Quote from: Kendra on August 05, 2017, 06:09:54 PM
Congratulations!

If you are nervous next time, consider the following statistic.  At any point in time when you're walking around an average of 71.38% of other people are staring at their phone. 

Okay I just made that up but my point is - go for it!  Each time you will gradually feel more natural.  Gets easier over time, guaranteed. 

Kendra

Thanks you

Quote from: HoneyStrums on August 05, 2017, 05:37:26 PM
I remember the nerves, I felt first time.

I was so hiding behind the fringe of my wig. Looking away and down as i passed people if i didn't just cross the road.
Stares? I Never saw em, Cant see somebody looking at you, when all ya see is your own feet.

But giggles, snorts yeah, I heard those.

After a while I held my head up at closer distances. Now I Smile at everyone I Pass. And say hello. out, out just over three years And it took that long to get this far too.

The nerves were horrible, and thank you

I went out dressed one time.  It was to a local chain pharmacy in my neighborhood on a rainy night in  light makeup, dressed with the usual underpinnings, a fairly inconspicuous casual top and black leggings with a raincoat loosely covering my upper body,   Mostly older women and a few odd other customers in the store, but no one noticed me.  No odd looks from anyone.  The cashier was also oblivious it seems looking right at me, squarely in the eyes at the cash register.


I'm not sure to this day what inspired me to have this outing (pun intended) on this particular night. Just as I was going out the door, I remember calmly thinking: "Why on earth are you doing this?  Are you crazy?  What do you expect to gain from this?  What if you meet someone you know?" But then, I seemed to have a clear sense that this outing was inevitable and calmly went out the door, into the car, and off I went.

I was befuddled when I arrived home afterwards.  I expected to have some sense of exhilaration or at least mild excitement as a result of this event.  Instead, I felt nothing.  It was an uneventful trip to the pharmacy.  That's when I really knew.   It hit my like a brick to the face.

Point is, it was not exciting because it was just a trip to complete a routine task.  I felt at unexpected ease dressed as a woman.  I have had no erotic or otherwise stimulating responses to dressing really ever and this was just another example of the same.  I was simply dressed in a gender concordant fashion and did a common, routine daily task.  This really hit home, seriously helped confirm for me that I am TG.

Steph

Quote from: Steph Eigen on August 06, 2017, 09:29:28 PM
I went out dressed one time.  It was to a local chain pharmacy in my neighborhood on a rainy night in  light makeup, dressed with the usual underpinnings, a fairly inconspicuous casual top and black leggings with a raincoat loosely covering my upper body,   Mostly older women and a few odd other customers in the store, but no one noticed me.  No odd looks from anyone.  The cashier was also oblivious it seems looking right at me, squarely in the eyes at the cash register.


I'm not sure to this day what inspired me to have this outing (pun intended) on this particular night. Just as I was going out the door, I remember calmly thinking: "Why on earth are you doing this?  Are you crazy?  What do you expect to gain from this?  What if you meet someone you know?" But then, I seemed to have a clear sense that this outing was inevitable and calmly went out the door, into the car, and off I went.

I was befuddled when I arrived home afterwards.  I expected to have some sense of exhilaration or at least mild excitement as a result of this event.  Instead, I felt nothing.  It was an uneventful trip to the pharmacy.  That's when I really knew.   It hit my like a brick to the face.

Point is, it was not exciting because it was just a trip to complete a routine task.  I felt at unexpected ease dressed as a woman.  I have had no erotic or otherwise stimulating responses to dressing really ever and this was just another example of the same.  I was simply dressed in a gender concordant fashion and did a common, routine daily task.  This really hit home, seriously helped confirm for me that I am TG.

Steph

For me though, idk. The first time I kinda dressed elegantly, but I was in a big ass jacket, like winter jacket, to cover my shoulders. So idk if people were looking at me like wtf is she doing with that big old jacket on.

I also just enjoy going out elegantly. I am very traditional and enjoy always presenting myself and dressing for the occasion if you know what I mean.

Even pajamas must be somewhat fancy and must show my figure if you know what I mean :-/

Hi DM,

  Okay okay this one begs my story. I'll try to keep it short.
  Past history-  approximately 64 years of crossdressing including in car escapades with many miles passing beneath my heels but with virtually no interaction with people.
  Last Nov I realize I am actually transgender. With the urging of friends here on Susan"s I begin making forays dressed in public. my second time challenge was to enter a store, shop for some female item and check out with a live cashier. It took me 15 minutes to get out on my truck and go inside but I did it.
  From then to June I make  2 - 3 more short forays , usually  by taking a walk, into the public arena still very unsure of my self, afraid, and nervous.
  Enter the middle of June I have planned a road trip and it includes meeting many of the ladies from this site along the way to Maine and back to Oregon. I left a nervous unsure  probably more crossdresser than a woman. I had decided to try to goes as far as the first two in Colorado en femme. I did it. First stop in Denver to meet Jane for lunch in a restaurant. Having her with me as a security blanket I had my first en femme experience in a restaurant. Next I met Randy and Jacqui and enjoyed their hospitality for the afternoon and night. Another day spent en femme. From their place I decided to continue as a woman and survives and embarrassing incident at a bust truck stop/ gas station when I locked myself out of my truck. To shorten this long story I just go on to say I made it to Maine and back and only changed into male clothes twice. I was gone just over a month and met 9 ladies from here and did it all as a woman. After I made it home I soon made another mini road trip to meet yet another wonderful lady in Kirkland, the lady is Kendra and she is every bit a part of my road trip as any of the others. Every woman I met helped me with my insecurities and my fears. Each and every one help me become more confident in who I am. I owe them all a lot for helping me begin to understand who and what I am. I returned home a much different person from who I was when I left. I'm now living full time and counting from the last time I wore male clothing  when I took my niece to dinner in Pennsylvania on my way out to Maine. I am still working on accepting myself for who I am.

   I am a woman, a transgender woman.

  You my friend, are doing just what you should by venturing out in the world to discover who you are. What you did isn't easy at all and does take a lot of courage. Confidence will come with time and exposure. It isn't a race but a wonderful journey. Hold your head high and never be ashamed of who you are. Never let anyone tell you different.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Proud of you girl!!! As the others have already said, BIG MOVE to be so young and going out! I was out of high school before I did and it was just a SUPER fast trip out and back. I was scared to death and I totally get the feeling better getting back into the car!

Peace in your Journey!
Luv
Raelynn

The more you go out the more you realize that most people don't notice and that the ones that do could care less. Every now and then you might get that one individual that stares, in which case I'd say hi or just stare back and watch them quickly turn away. You have to put a little comedy into it and you'll find it'll go a long ways toward feeling comfortable. People have their own issues to deal with, just as we do. They're not concerned with you nearly as much as you think.

The main thing that helped me during my early days of transitioning was realizing the fact that those people that you're afraid of don't give a damn about you, so why should you give a damn about them? Back then I asked my therapist what I could do to feel more comfortable in public and he told me "JUST F**K THEM"! It works till' this day, although I now pass.

Keep being yourself and things will move on right along!