So, I finally got the courage this morning to talk seriously with my wife about how I feel about my genital dysphoria. I was scared to death that she was going to think I had lost my mind. But she was actually happy that I was being honest with her supported me finding help with it. She suggested that since transitioning to a woman isn't something I am interested in, that maybe I should be open to the idea of being a eunuch. I am not sure if that is the answer for me or not, but it at least gives me one option that is more attractive than what I have now.

We're going to talk more later about counseling for me. The kids are up and I have work to do, so I can at least start my day on a positive note.

I'm so glad for you! It's a great thing that you could have to courage to tell her, and I'm very happy to know that she took it well.
Personally, I'm still wondering how to announce it to my boyfriend. I'm sure he'll be open but... this scares me a little, haha!

Quote from: WhatAmI? on August 04, 2017, 07:41:39 AM
So, I finally got the courage this morning to talk seriously with my wife about how I feel about my genital dysphoria. I was scared to death that she was going to think I had lost my mind. But she was actually happy that I was being honest with her supported me finding help with it. She suggested that since transitioning to a woman isn't something I am interested in, that maybe I should be open to the idea of being a eunuch. I am not sure if that is the answer for me or not, but it at least gives me one option that is more attractive than what I have now.

We're going to talk more later about counseling for me. The kids are up and I have work to do, so I can at least start my day on a positive note.

Very very Happy for you. So glad she took it well...have a great day at work. Dont work to hard

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Congratulations on opening up to your wife!  That's a big step.  I am happy for you that she is willing to work with you.

Quote from: KathyLauren on August 04, 2017, 08:36:05 AM
Congratulations on opening up to your wife!  That's a big step.  I am happy for you that she is willing to work with you.

So am I! I was actually shocked at how positive the experience was. I think the anticipation of it all was far harder on me than the actual conversation was for her. She even said that she thought I would make a really cute eunuch if I end up going that route. So, I at least know that she supports me finding a solution.

Now I just have the road ahead of me of figuring out what is best for me. I have read that the body doesn't do well without some form of hormones. So just being a castrated eunuch may not be the healthiest route. I'll stop there so I don't break any forum rules by seeming like I'm soliciting hormone advice. I just really hope there's a healthy solution for me.

I would like to say that I glad I found this place. And thank you to the moderator who shared some useful links with me.

I had a lengthy discussion with my wife last night about my issues and I am simply amazed at how supportive and even enthusiastic she is about me resolving my issues and struggles. After reading through the links from the moderator, I definitely believe that I fall somewhere in the spectrum of transgender mtf. But, I have tons of concerns about the impact of identifying completely as mtf socially.  How far does one need to go when coming out as transgender? How far does treatment need to go? Is there a definite goal in treatment that I have to aim for, or is it very open to individual needs?  So many questions going through my mind.

Anyway, thanks for a very helpful forum. Between this place and my wife's loving support, I feel freer already just knowing that I have been able to get my struggles out in the open and not feel like I have to hide them anymore.

Quote from: WhatAmI? on August 05, 2017, 06:31:14 AMHow far does one need to go when coming out as transgender? How far does treatment need to go? Is there a definite goal in treatment that I have to aim for, or is it very open to individual needs?

The goal of transition is to relieve your dysphoria.  The treatment goes as far as you are comfortable with.  Some people find that they need to go "all the way" in order to relieve their dysphoria.  Some find that a partial transition will do it for them.  And some people choose to live with their dysphoria rather than risk disrupting their lives.  These are very personal decisions that only you can make.  A good gender therapist will help you to sort it out.

Hi WhatamI

Glad you found the links helpful 

When I could finally not cope anymore and sought help I only sought help to "cure my gender Dysphoria" I had no real intention of even transitioning but I was determined to get it under control. I sought therapy and over the period of weeks and months I began to slowly tear down the walls I had built around myself. I started to learn to cope in ways I had never thought of...I learned to find out what I like instead of what I am supposed to like.

We explored many aspects of my life during therapy with my Therapist encouraging me to explore my feminie side and the more I did the better I felt, pretty soon it became obvious that I was on the right track and so I made the decision to transition and take hormones. Once the hormones hit my system there has been no going back, I reacted really well loved the way it made me feel and have since begun living full time with my wife and we are very happy.

How far do you need to go?...until you are ready to stop! This is a different place for all of us and part of this journey is to work out what you need to do, to live your authentic life.

I made a list of gender therapists in my area and will begin calling them Monday to figure out which one is the best fit for me. Wish me luck, I really want to get a good therapist on the first try.

Quote from: WhatAmI? on August 05, 2017, 09:33:39 PM
I made a list of gender therapists in my area and will begin calling them Monday to figure out which one is the best fit for me. Wish me luck, I really want to get a good therapist on the first try.

I do wish you luck...but if you don't click with them find one you do.

Started the process of contacting counselors today. Found out there aren't many in my area that are part of my insurance network. Found two that are. One was fresh out of college and mostly focused on treating sexual abuse patients. Passed on that one. The other had been practicing for 10 years and has experience with gender issues. Bingo. Called and left a message for scheduling to see when I can schedule an appointment.

Aside from that, it has been a very positive week. My wife is surprised at how much better my mood and attitude have been since I told her everything and she gave her support to find help. I feel like a tremendous burden is gone. I can speak honestly and openly with her and have no fear. It is really wonderful.

My wife is excited to see how much better life will be once I start getting treatment. She really is shocked at how much of my typical anger and depression have nearly vanished just by getting it out in the open and supporting me getting help. I finally feel like there is a light at the end of the very dark tunnel I have been in for decades.

Don't scare her too much.

And don't fall into a trap of overspending all family money on your new wardrobe (I know you might need a whole new wardrobe, but she might also be entitled to refreshing hers)...


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Quote from: elkie-t on August 07, 2017, 10:50:49 AM
Don't scare her too much.

And don't fall into a trap of overspending all family money on your new wardrobe (I know you might need a whole new wardrobe, but she might also be entitled to refreshing hers)...


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Honestly, I think I'm more likely to get scared than she is. Wardrobe won't be an issue. At least not for now. Our intention is to begin therapy and hopefully see if some form of hormone therapy could make life comfortable enough for me to continue identifying as a male. We have small children and my career isn't really open to trans people. And, honestly, the idea of looking feminine is not as important to me as being comfortable with myself. If some hormone therapy can get me there with no or minor changes to my body, right now I think I would be content to stop there. It's not to say that I may not feel differently further down the road, but for right now I'm not wanting major physical changes. Mostly emotional.

Well, last week was step one: opening up to my wife. Today I started step two: finding a therapist. It hasn't been as easy as I hoped it would be.

I called my insurance company and was told that the counselor I really wanted to see was not in our network. They gave me a list of therapists who are. Only one of them has experience with gender issues. I called her office and she said she hasn't worked with my insurance company for a couple of years and they need to update their records.

I decided to call the therapist I really wanted just for curiosity's sake. We got to talking and I started asking about what it would cost out of pocket. She asked who my insurance company was and after I told her she said that she is a provider for them and they need to add her to their network list of providers. Yay! So she took my insurance information and is checking to make sure everything will be okay to move forward. Hoping to get something scheduled soon!

That is a really great outcome. Good move on calling the Therapist directly. Here's hoping it all checks out okay

Got some good news today. The therapist got things cleared up with my insurance and I will be covered with a $25 co-pay. I have an appointment scheduled for Friday.

Good luck with this--hope you click with the therapist and find that she is able to help you sort things out.  Just for perspective, there are many "closeted" transgendered people like myself who do not "come out" to extended family, friends, or co-workers, but keep our gender expression private.  Although this is by no means an easy solution, I want you to know that being transgender does not mean that you must transition or go public.  I dress in private, wear some feminine clothing "stealth" every day in order to give some level of relief to my gender dysphoria, and have some other ways (like participating in forums like this, reading women's literature, etc.), of expressing what I believe to be my true gender.

Hopefully, you can find a balance between your femininity and maintaining your marriage and career. Glad you are seeking help and have started to talk openly with your wife.

Quote from: NancyBalik on August 10, 2017, 06:42:03 AM
Good luck with this--hope you click with the therapist and find that she is able to help you sort things out.  Just for perspective, there are many "closeted" transgendered people like myself who do not "come out" to extended family, friends, or co-workers, but keep our gender expression private.  Although this is by no means an easy solution, I want you to know that being transgender does not mean that you must transition or go public.  I dress in private, wear some feminine clothing "stealth" every day in order to give some level of relief to my gender dysphoria, and have some other ways (like participating in forums like this, reading women's literature, etc.), of expressing what I believe to be my true gender.

Hopefully, you can find a balance between your femininity and maintaining your marriage and career. Glad you are seeking help and have started to talk openly with your wife.

Nancy, thank you for your support. I did finally reach the point where I "came out" to my wife (though she said she already knew), but right now I have zero desire to come out to anyone else. Not friends, nor family (except wife), nor coworkers.

I had my appointment. Was a little nervous. Talking to a stranger about something so personal is kind of intimidating. The therapist's name was Nikki and she was did a good job helping me feel more comfortable.

We discussed my past and present what I hope for in the future. She thought I should do lots of reading on gender issues and also schedule an appointment with an endocrinologist at the university hospital's LGBT clinic to discuss pros and cons of hormonal treatment.

I have the scary first visit over and will go back in two weeks. I will schedule my appointment with the endocrinologist in the meantime.

Quote from: WhatAmI? on August 11, 2017, 02:47:55 PM
I had my appointment. Was a little nervous. Talking to a stranger about something so personal is kind of intimidating. The therapist's name was Nikki and she was did a good job helping me feel more comfortable.

We discussed my past and present what I hope for in the future. She thought I should do lots of reading on gender issues and also schedule an appointment with an endocrinologist at the university hospital's LGBT clinic to discuss pros and cons of hormonal treatment.

I have the scary first visit over and will go back in two weeks. I will schedule my appointment with the endocrinologist in the meantime.

That is a major step in starting to sort out what you want. Congratulations on having the courage to actually do it. Talking about this stuff with a complete stranger can be very intimidating. I "enjoy" the time I spend with my therapist, she helps to keep me grounded.

It is great that you can get an appointment with an expert who will be able to give you the full rundown on HRT and what you need to know before making any decision about it. I encourage you to take your time and do what is right for you.