I usually try and stay up beat. This last week I've been on a high for have founding this site , starting the therapy, and admitting things to myself. Last night out of no where I get this blast of guilt. Asking myself questions like what am I doing?  What have I done sharing with my wife, strangers? Then the guilt was followed by a Strong feeling of being alone, you can only talk to yourself for so long. I feel like I don't have any friends. The people I know I can't talk to none would understand. I'm finding myself taking stronger doses of my meds to make me numb to my thoughts. Not hurting myself and don't want to just feeling lost.

Yeah, I get that, and I'm a non-transitioning, single, nonbinary partial transmale.

In my case, I get relief in many ways; talking to several close transgender friends, visiting this forum, going for early morning walks in the sunlight, eating mood-enhancing foods like fish and eggs, fresh vegetables run through the juicer, and taking certain herbs.

But hormones should make you feel better in themselves.

The feeling of "What am I doing?" or "What have I done?" is pretty normal.  I think most of us feel this from time to time.  My transition is going well, and yet I still occasionally wonder if I am crazy to be doing this.  My answer to the thought is consistently "No", but it doesn't stop it from arising.

Do you have any kind of support system in place?  I would recommend talking to your therapist about how you are feeling.  But you need more than a therapist for support.  Is there a support group that you can attend?  Talking to others who have gone through or are going through the same changes as you can give you a perspective that most therapists don't know.

A support group can also help you make contacts with new friends outside of a support context.  I have met some new friends in my area that way.  They no longer feel the need for "support" as such, but want to get together socially just to hang out and be themselves. 

And of course, you have all the fine people here on the forum to talk to.

Thank you i havent looked for a group yet, I'll do a search today. I never thought about the foods, ill give that a try. This group's means a lot to me. Hugs.

Jazmine I obviously can't speak for all here but those feelings are unfortunately pieces of being who we are. Here we are all supportive of each other as we are all on the Transender spectrum.
Please continue to reach out any way possible. Increasing dosages of your meds will not make this go away. We are bon this way and it's who we are inside.
We all have a story . Becoming comfortable with ourselves is what we all strive for.
That journey is sometimes a difficult one so please continue to open up either here or with a therapist.


Carrie

Thank you.....trying