For most of my adult life I've had this stupid background unpleasant buzzing in the back of my mind that finally went away in January when I finally figured out I'm transgender (non-binary).

From January through early July, I kinda felt nothing and was stuck between my femme identity and my masculine one. I felt a a bit of happiness to finally understand why I never felt *quite right* when presenting full female in the way I deeply desired to, but it was incomplete. It was awesome to not have the dysphoria always there, like an annoying bug that wouldn't go away. But I still didn't understand myself or feel any great connection to what I felt should be there. It was like something was just out of reach.

In early July my T dose was raised to a full dose and I realized I'm more guy than girl, adjusted my thinking to being transmasculine, and ever since I've had a constant buzzing euphoria. It's like I'm constantly slightly jacked up happy content thrilled horny happy. And every time I do something new that affirms my mostly masculine identity, it ramps up for a while.

But now it's starting to get in the way of my life. WTF? I feel so great I love to just sit here and revel in the awesomeness that is existing as a guy. It's distracting as heck.

If you look at the MTF before and after thread, you will discover that one of the primary differences in all the picture is the great big smile on their face. It works both ways and the CIS will never truly appreciate what they were born with.

It kind of reminds me of the song Kodachrome except replace the wording with the hormone of choice. So mama don't take my Kodachrome___________ away

Calian, I know what you mean!  Ever since I decided to start transitioning and started looking for a therapist (has it really been only since September?) I've had thss underlaying feeling of "WOOOHOOO!!!  I FINALLY GET TO BE MEEE!!!! [emoji2]" 

And now, a little over 10 months into taking T, and finally, FINALLY living as my true self, whenever I think about it, I can't help but grin like a kid in a candy shop!

It truly IS something that cis people will never understand!

Ryuichi

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Calian,

I too, know how you feel, but from the opposite direction.

Today we have the ability to make our bodies match our brains. What ever that may be.

Best wishes.